It's been a while. Quite a few things happened.
i lost my angel. My friend. The only one who loved me, and i loved her. My kitten, Kenzie has passed. I'm truly alone now. it's like i really am meant to be alone. No matter what they say, i know it's just comforting words. You're not there for me. You never were. I am alone. I have no one. Don't say i have you. It's like trying to save a suicidal person's life, when you know you wont stick around after they decide to live, believing you actually cared. It was only a good deed. You personally don't care about them. That's how i feel when you sit there and tell me i have you.
Kenzie may had been a little kitten, but she could make me feel so loved in a matter of seconds. With only signs of affection and an unconditional love of a true companion. I valued her more than my life, or my health. That means nothing to me. The lack of sleep and peace of mind are worthless. I did all i could to take care of her. And in the end, my last morning with her is the fondest memory i have, out of all my horrible ones. When she died around midnight, i died. My heart had so much pain weighing it down. I know shes resting peacefully in her own heaven. A paradise for all deceased animals. I know she no longer has to suffer...but i miss her terribly.
My family feels bad. We all loved Kenzie. I wanted to die after she did, but i was still in shock, and tired from crying all these tears. I still can't sleep at night. The only thing that gives me a peaceful rest is picturing and describing the beautiful place my angel is eternally residing. It hurts so much. It kills me to know ill never hold her again. I have no one. My life has truly become as meaningless as it was before i met her. All i have now is shallow, temporary friendships with people who don't care. My family claims to care, although it's not easy to trust anything they say.
In the end, i was right. I was meant to be alone. It makes it easier to kill myself, but i still don't have the energy to do anything. Just mourning and wishing that i was with Kenzie...People think I'm crazy for being literally broken over her, but what they don't understand is that while they never cared about me. she was all i had. All i needed. I can't get another pet. Not now...Unless im finacially able, i wont make the same mistake. Life goes on, but mine has ended.
You're not there for me. Stop saying that. if you were, then where are you? I'm still alone, dying as you gradually forget i even existed. That's why i can't trust anyone. They just lie. Funny how i said i only needed a big push to actually do it. God only knows how long i have before I'm really driven over the edge. My death wont be as tragic as Kenzie's, but that's fine. She was actually worth something.