Me... me... me...

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Rodney

Well-known member
:thumbdown: Hung out with a friend I hadn't seen for over a year yesterday. The whole time he talked about himself. I would try and get a word in and then the next thing I know, it's back to him. I haven't seen you for over a year and you don't care at all about what I've been up to? I was so excited to hear what you had been up to but you didn't care what I had done. I do understand that he has lost a lot of his social circle so I'm sure he appreciated a listening ear and a close friend to vent to but yeah...

Then I try and talk to my online friend. I tell him "hey if you're having '...' problems, might i suggest you see (insert movie title). It's probably my favourite movie of the year." His response: "Yay, so now I have '...' problems! progress!"
I never replied and then 10 minutes later he replies with "I did see (insert a different movie title)."

Great! way to not even ask me about the movie or anything. Nope, just back to him. Seriously, why can't he ever say "oh, how was it?" he always ends up saying how he saw a movie or something instead... ugh. And i've had to listen to him talk about this girl who he likes and all his illogical feelings and thoughts. He's so narcissistic... :eek:mg: I appreciate our friendship but ****!!! him talking about how he is better looking than other people and how he is smarter than others is annoying. FYI you aren't that good looking and you aren't that smart.

:idontknow:

Just venting. -_-
 
vanillabear

vanillabear

Well-known member
Are we the same person? I had the exact same problem! lol. If he does this all the time and makes you feel this way all the time, I say stop talking to him 'cause you deserve better.
 
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laure15

Well-known member
If you don't like your friends talking about themselves and not asking about you, why not tell them that? Try asking them if they would like to listen to your problems.

I had a friend who likes to talk about herself a lot. She would do almost all the talking while I just listen. But when I try to tell her about things from my life, she would cut it short and interrupt me. SHe wasn't interested in hearing what I have to say. I notice that this happens several times with other people. I know I'm a boring speaker; sometimes I can be slow and make people feel impatient. But it would be nice to have people listen to my problems for once.
 
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Rodney

Well-known member
Hey guys.

Thanks for the replies. I hung out with the one friend again today and he let me talk some more and even asked questions so i was pretty happy to hang out with him. It was lots of fun. My online friend made a sacrafice for me so I was happy that he did that.

To those in similar positions, I hope everything works out well for you. :)
 
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JohnDee

Active member
Well if you know thats the way he is, its your fault for putting yourself in the situation, be more forceful. Every voice carries the same weight, if he don't wanna listen then you don't listen, if he gets upset tell him he does the same. Glad its better though
 
cosmosis

cosmosis

Well-known member
From my experience, you really can't control behavoir like that. Atleast directly. Maybe with hints if the person is just having a bad day. The more you try to control, the more fake, more resentful and unnatural it becomes. Relationships and communication with friends work best when its natural. Usually people who talk about themselves all the time are mostly always like that, its something fundemental that can't really be changed. Sure you may be able to paper it over by being direct and forceful, but their concern won't be genuine. I've found its best to either accept that they are that way or stay away from them. And then find other people who genuinely want to listen and care.
 
Unspoken

Unspoken

Well-known member
I think a lot of people assume that if you want to say something, you will. I know I don't ask people many questions about the details because they're not that important to me and I always think that if they want to tell me more about the movie after already saying it was their favorite, they will since it's an equal conversation and all. It's so tedious to keep asking the right questions in conversations instead of just saying what's on your mind, more for public image than for private friendships.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
conversation really is an art. what unspoken said is true. people expect you to jump in. your friend is probably oblivious to it. you might gently point this out when he is doing it. "hey, you aren't letting me get a word in edgewise, are you?" or "hey, you really don't want to hear and blah and blah, eh?" jokingly. :/ who knows? maybe he is a mild/functioning autistic?
 
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Rodney

Well-known member
Unspoken said:
I think a lot of people assume that if you want to say something, you will. I know I don't ask people many questions about the details because they're not that important to me and I always think that if they want to tell me more about the movie after already saying it was their favorite, they will since it's an equal conversation and all. It's so tedious to keep asking the right questions in conversations instead of just saying what's on your mind, more for public image than for private friendships.
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I don't think you understand the context of the conversations. It really has nothing to do with asking the "right questions", it's to show that you care about the person. The first friend would just talk and bring everything back to himself and was always waiting for me to stop talking so that he could go again, instead of just listening.

Look at how the convo with my online friend went. I texted him first saying: Hey, if you're having problems with "..." may i suggest you take your mind off of it by seeing "movie title". It's one of my favourites of this year.

him: So I have problems. Yay! (notice how he didn't even acknowledge my suggestion. No thanks, no asking how it was, or anything; just all about him)

after 10 min of not responding to him, he sends me another text.

him: i did see "different movie title". (see how he brought it back to himself. He was completely oblivious as to how to keep the convo going without bringing back to being about him. The convo never continued after that because he was probably expecting me to say how was it? which is something I always say to him).

You REALLY see nothing wrong with his response?
He disregarded everything that had to do with me and then replied with two things about himself. The conversation died because he wasn't willing to listen; only talk about himself. Questions are important in conversations because it's a way to keep them going.
 
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Unspoken

Unspoken

Well-known member
Rodney said:
I don't think you understand the context of the conversations. It really has nothing to do with asking the "right questions", it's to show that you care about the person. The first friend would just talk and bring everything back to himself and was always waiting for me to stop talking so that he could go again, instead of just listening.

Look at how the convo with my online friend went. I texted him first saying: Hey, if you're having problems with "..." may i suggest you take your mind off of it by seeing "movie title". It's one of my favourites of this year.

him: So I have problems. Yay! (notice how he didn't even acknowledge my suggestion. No thanks, no asking how it was, or anything; just all about him)

after 10 min of not responding to him, he sends me another text.

him: i did see "different movie title". (see how he brought it back to himself. He was completely oblivious as to how to keep the convo going without bringing back to being about him. The convo never continued after that because he was probably expecting me to say how was it? which is something I always say to him).

You REALLY see nothing wrong with his response?
He disregarded everything that had to do with me and then replied with two things about himself. The conversation died because he wasn't willing to listen; only talk about himself. Questions are important in conversations because it's a way to keep them going.
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I could barely understand the example conversation because the syntax was so unusual. :idontknow:

But no, I wouldn't expect someone to ask me more about my opinion of the movie because on second glance that sounds like the conversation was made, by you, about his problems and how to relieve them. With two subjects in a conversation, problems generally trump a movie suggestion in importance. I sure wouldn't interpret it as "I want you to ask me about me right now," and with that as my only example of this friendship I think you might be misinterpreting him entirely.

Maybe he was feeling upset and didn't think to thank you... most people thank for favors, kindnesses, etc, after the act or once they stop to reflect. As in "Thanks for helping me with x or cheering me up about y, by the way."

Conversations over text messaging are incredibly tedious, anyway.
 
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