Malicious gossips

If you hear someone talking negatively/gossiping about you, what would you do?

  • confront that person and ask why he/she is talking about you

    Votes: 4 28.6%
  • look at that person with a disappointed expression

    Votes: 1 7.1%
  • ignore that person

    Votes: 9 64.3%

  • Total voters
    14

jaim38

Well-known member
If you hear someone talking negatively/gossiping about you, what would you do?

a) confront that person and ask why he/she is talking about you, b) look at that person and "catch him/her in the act", c) ignore that person

For many years, I've struggled with this problem. On one hand, I wanted to confront those gossipers and ask why they are saying such negative things about me. But on the other hand, they have the right to free speech so they can pretty much say whatever they want.

For instance, a small group of classmates didn't like me and called me stupid and gay. Then they gossiped to other people in class. Soon enough, pretty much everyone in class have a negative opinion of me and didn't want to associate with me. The really annoying part is when people started "testing" me; some people would randomly quiz me about the exam to see if I get the questions right (testing my intelligence level). There was one girl who intentionally came up and spoke to me, then she swung her hips/butt in a provocative manner to see how I would respond (testing my sexual orientation).

Some people who sat behind me thought it was completely ok to look over my tests and homeworks to see what grades I made. If I made a bad grade, it confirms that I'm stupid. But when I made excellent grades, they still will say something like "this test is easy anyway..." and still think I'm stupid. I feel so much pressure to try to act smart but no matter what I do, I will always be stupid to them.

In many cases, I wasn't sure what to do. I just pretended not to notice and tried to distract myself with studying. But the more I ignore those people, the more they spoke about me and the more aggressive they get. Eventually, one of them shouted "Everybody hates you" in class, right at me. And when I glance at someone, they would stomp their feet at me or make really loud beeping noises with their cell phones.

So, all it took was a small group of people to make my school life h*ll. What would you do in my situation?
 
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Dariushka

Well-known member
If you hear someone talking negatively/gossiping about you, what would you do?

a) confront that person and ask why he/she is talking about you, b) look at that person and "catch him/her in the act", c) ignore that person

For many years, I've struggled with this problem. On one hand, I wanted to confront those gossipers and ask why they are saying such negative things about me. But on the other hand, they have the right to free speech so they can pretty much say whatever they want.

For instance, a small group of classmates didn't like me and called me stupid and gay. Then they gossiped to other people in class. Soon enough, pretty much everyone in class have a negative opinion of me and didn't want to associate with me. The really annoying part is when people started "testing" me; some people would randomly quiz me about the exam to see if I get the questions right (testing my intelligence level). There was one girl who intentionally came up and spoke to me, then she swung her hips/butt in a provocative manner to see how I would respond (testing my sexual orientation).

In many cases, I wasn't sure what to do. I just pretended not to notice and tried to distract myself with studying. But the more I ignore those people, the more they spoke about me and the more aggressive they get. Eventually, one of them shouted "Everybody hates you" in class, right at me. And when I glance at someone, they would stomp their feet at me or make really loud beeping noises with their cell phones.

So, all it took was a small group of people to make my school life h*ll. What would you do in my situation?[/quote


First of all, I tried to eliminate all situations I can hear them (headphones?) but it's not a solution whilst at school. Now I'm in the office environment and they will still do it but the group behaviour varies. Cause we are older. Still there is this couple and despite they are in their mid thirties they find a bizarre joy in humiliating your ears with stories about people they apparently "know" and who behave like you do.. They study them to the bone using a name which is not yours. That's the only difference. So they allow you to identify and understand how you are perceived. They both had very hard childhood experiences. One bullied at school and admitting that on drunk occasions. The other, well, his sister showed up on his wedding day in flipflops and shorts.. Dream team..
 
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Rodrigue

Member
Your classmates are evil persons, they don't deserve to be in school, you are better than them in everything. Can you talk to your principal or tutor about what happening with you? These thugs must stop their aggressive behavior, please try to have always with you a concealed weapon in case they tried to attack you. You are a king and they are nothing. I hope that one day such people will disappear from the earth.
 

Dariushka

Well-known member
"hope that one day such people will disappear from the earth"

They will not.. But life is on your side to counter them. School is the most of awful adventures. Wish life was the other way round.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Facile gossips at the place I work have effected my health. Confronting them only seems to escalate conflict, and thinking about confronting them makes me unwell.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
First of all, I tried to eliminate all situations I can hear them (headphones?) but it's not a solution whilst at school. Now I'm in the office environment and they will still do it but the group behaviour varies. Cause we are older. Still there is this couple and despite they are in their mid thirties they find a bizarre joy in humiliating your ears with stories about people they apparently "know" and who behave like you do.. They study them to the bone using a name which is not yours. That's the only difference. So they allow you to identify and understand how you are perceived. They both had very hard childhood experiences. One bullied at school and admitting that on drunk occasions. The other, well, his sister showed up on his wedding day in flipflops and shorts.. Dream team..
So you're saying to just ignore the gossips? What if your reputation is damaged by the gossips beyond repair? That's what happened to me, I ignored them but the gossips never subsided. Almost everywhere I go, I hear strangers pointing me out as the stupid girl that everyone hates.

Your classmates are evil persons, they don't deserve to be in school, you are better than them in everything. Can you talk to your principal or tutor about what happening with you? These thugs must stop their aggressive behavior, please try to have always with you a concealed weapon in case they tried to attack you. You are a king and they are nothing. I hope that one day such people will disappear from the earth.
Thanks! :) I'm not longer enrolled in that school. I have since transferred and doing better. That was my solution.

Facile gossips at the place I work have effected my health. Confronting them only seems to escalate conflict, and thinking about confronting them makes me unwell.
SA and avoidance of conflict (avpd) prevent me from confronting my bullies. I was new at that school and barely knew anybody. I didn't have friends in any of my classes. So if I confronted them, they could all gang up on me and I wouldn't have anybody to support me.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Your classmates are evil and homophobic. Just because you're not a skank like them doesn't mean you're gay. (you should say that to them!!!). And being quiet and unsure of yourself doesn't mean you're stupid.

I don't condone violence buut, a good punch to the nose or a slap across the face would shut them up. Sorry you have to go through this. I've never heard of this kind of stuff in college. Sounds more like Junior High antics.

Tell them to Shut the F' up!!!
 

catrin87

Member
I have just recently found out that one of my supposed best friends who I also live with has been saying things about me behind my back and basically putting me down to loads of people so I feel your pain! I am currently trying to think of how to tackle it because I don't want her to think she can get away with it but I also don't want to cause a massive scene. It's not a nice thing to find out!
 

vanillabear

Well-known member
That sucks.. -internet hug- I would've done the same thing you did.. just try to ignore them. If it's a big class, maybe there's some other sections of the class that you can transfer to?
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
So you're saying to just ignore the gossips? What if your reputation is damaged by the gossips beyond repair? That's what happened to me, I ignored them but the gossips never subsided. Almost everywhere I go, I hear strangers pointing me out as the stupid girl that everyone hates.



Thanks! :) I'm not longer enrolled in that school. I have since transferred and doing better. That was my solution.



SA and avoidance of conflict (avpd) prevent me from confronting my bullies. I was new at that school and barely knew anybody. I didn't have friends in any of my classes. So if I confronted them, they could all gang up on me and I wouldn't have anybody to support me.
Yeah, back in school sometimes, I'd catch one of the bullies alone and take them on and give them a hiding. When they ganged up on me I had no chance. All I could was try to defend myself

Although now the bullying is more subtle, it is not physical it is verbal, and behavioural. I've reacted angrily a few time, but it has back fired on me.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Thanks everyone for your responses! :bigsmile:

That sucks.. -internet hug- I would've done the same thing you did.. just try to ignore them. If it's a big class, maybe there's some other sections of the class that you can transfer to?
This occurred several years ago. I have since transferred to another school. Currently taking online classes.
 
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