Making friends...

[Ecclesiastes]

Idk if any of you have experienced this but I find it so hard to make friends. And I have no idea why. I want to be like anyone else out there, enjoying every bit of their life and havin fun with friends. But for some reason or another, my life doesn't seem to be heading that way. I know our life is determined by how we want it to be, but sometimes people I wish to befriend just seem less interested in you while those that'd constantly look you up are usually people who are not seeking what you are, .. in my case, friendship. And they become annoying with the continous bugging just to get my
attention

why is life so unfair?

 

[Anomaly]

I don't have friends, merely acquaintances. This was the case since 7th grade or so. I can't say I've put that much effort into trying to make friends, but I notice that people are generally a bit less receptive to me while socializing, sooner or later. The way people I know can synthesize relationships with strangers amazes me and I'm trying to find out what catalyzes the process.

 

[Heekaru]

I feel like I lost the abillity to talk to people and make friends with them or I never knew how to.

 

[Heekaru]

This actually reminds me of something that happened last year, when someone actually tried to befriend me.. That person would drag me into the classroom and I think they were eating "Kinder Surprise" if you dont know what it is, its chocolate eggs with a small toy inside of it :b

But when we came into the classroom that person would like show me the toy and say "Look~!" "Isnt it cool?" and I just didnt know how to react at all.. I was like "Umm, its nice *fake smile*" it was actually a really awkward moment for me, but I cant help but laugh about it now :3

 

[Tiercel]

Any friends I've ever made have approached me, so I can sympathize. When it comes to befriending someone, besides never really having learned the "how" of it, I'm always afraid that I'll be bothering him/her. Despite knowing that if I become a pest they'll deal with me somehow, I've always hated feeling like I'm imposing on someone.

So my way of carrying on a conversation is to just make statements (mostly, anyway). I'll throw out my two cents, and someone can pick it up or leave it as s/he sees fit. Because I hate making someone feel obliged to respond to something that I might say or type.

Partly because of social anxiety, partly because I avoid everything like the plague, and partly because of terribly low self-esteem, I guess.

 

[Ecclesiastes]

I get what all of you mean, guess we all feel the same. A lot of people have been telling me that I've gotta smile more, but idk.. It's not like I don't want to - I figured that I actually have to make myself do that.

I'm sure all of us know, no one likes having gloomy friends. I can't help it, it's been really a long time since I really smiled/laughed from my heart :/

The sad thing is, sometimes I pluck up the courage that took me so much to approach someone, turns out things were not well received ):

 

[Tiercel]

The sad thing is, sometimes I pluck up the courage that took me so much to approach someone, turns out things were not well received ):

Sometimes things don't work out the way you'd hoped they would. But it's always better to try and fail than to regret never having tried at all. So try not to take failure too personally and keep trying until you find someone worth having in your life.

 

[Ecclesiastes]

Yeah you're right. But I think I'm really sensitive with these things. Gotta learn how not to really take them too personally. I usually get so affected by these 'little things' that its enough to make me sleepless wondering what exactly is wrong with me that made people think I'm not worth their time/effort to make friends with..

 

[moksha]

I feel like I lost the abillity to talk to people and make friends with them or I never knew how to.

cummon man ur nt bad we had a gud conversation yesterday . you have the ability to make friends just take initiative and you'll do good. cheers......

 

[KiaKaha]

Making friends is indeed difficult. I have always noticed that people who dont know each other just ignore each other, which to me makes no sense...if everybody does that then how on earth are we supposed to get to know one another? I have managed to befriend a few people, but you have to be bold and consistent. I have always had to make the first move when meeting someone for the first time. The trick seems to be that you have to make yourself identifiable with the person you are dealing with...find common ground and be lighthearted. It takes a while for a person to warm up to another person as people are naturally prejudiced and distrusting (in my opinion at least..) I think its always best to start befriending people that remind you of yourself, because chances are, you remind them of themselves...and thats always a good start...

I know what you mean though, it is indeed difficult to form friendships, and its only after quite a long period of time of being around someone and doing things together that a true friendship forms, and unfortunately for people like us...the quieter more anxious ones...its a lot more difficult.

I remember when I was younger that I had this belief that if there was enough desire...everyone could at least get along with everyone else, but I know now that the scope of human personality is too wide for that to happen

Anyway..I will shut up now.. I just thought I would share my thoughts, its a very interesting topic.

A good book you might be interested in reading is how to win friends and influence people...its old, but still a good read.

 

[Feathers]

Yes, it's good if there is some common interest.. I've found some great people at interesting classes that I really liked, or we had common interests or views of something.. (not shared by all in that class, for example artsy people in a language class, or eco people in a beekeeping class..) Maybe you just haven't found your 'niche/s' yet? I met many more fascinating people at Uni than in high school..

 

[ありがとう]

I never really been good at making friends... Rather it's because I don't put any real effort into it and I tend to be quiet as well. People like people who can talk, it's more interesting than someone who doesn't say anything. If I'm really in the mood to make friends, I'd go all my way out to join clubs, initiate conversations etc as all the friends I did make, we all have something in common.

 

[mummylala]

I find it easier to make friends online, i have also made quite a few friends threw writing.. I have quite a few pen pals.. but as for making friends in the real world, i find it really hard to do...

 

[DekKO]

The only friends I have are before I had SA. I haven't really had a new friend in 2 years. The only way I am comfortable arouond strangers is when i'm with someone i'm really good friends with and still I make a fool of myself.

 

[Inspiration]

I don't have friends because of my SA. But, i always try to improve it. Yet, it still hard to meet genuine friends. Or, perhaps i'm looking at the wrong place. I make friends mostly online. Too scare to open up conversation face to face. I don't have a marvelous and perfect life... my topic is too boring and dull. They can sense it. Even after so many failure and getting alot of cold reception... i'm still trying to find friends who can accept me and have the patience and let me grow out of my SAD.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

First it's alwayse good to ask your self what your definition of a friend. Most people we see that look like friends aren't really friends. They might just be chatting away for that moment. I know i have a lot of "work friends" but once i go home Its lights out. I don't chat with them after work.

Real friends usually take a while to form but not allwayse.
The biggest hurdle to making friends is common ground. Example just look at this site. You are new yet you are probaly already shareing e-mails with members. Its because you found a strong connection with other members even tho they are total strangers.

Once you find people who you connect with there will be no barrier to forming friendship.

Start looking for people around you who maybe don't fit in just like you do. Or people who go to the same places as you do. Once you start meeting others then network. Study their circles to see if you maybe you connect better with their friends or family.

I have notice that sometimes i meet someone i like a little but I then meet their family and get along with their relatives better than the person i initaly meet.