Making friends but not feeling a "connection"

[cadaver_]

I've been making a few friends recently but feel I don't have enough in common with them to make it last. We just go to a movie, maybe eat out and that's about it. There's no "magic" or anything; no deep
conversations. I feel kind of lack-luster when I'm with them even though it beats the old days of sitting in my apartment wishing I had friends. I didn't know it would feel like this. Don't really feel that alive when I'm with them - same feeling I'd get when I was alone. This is a real paradox. Don't know what to do because not being with people makes me depressed and now being with people doesn't make me feel much better. Anyone else relate?

 

[autumn_82]

I know what you mean. I feel the same way most of the time. I have a few friends, yet I always feel uncomfortable at some level when I'm with them because I feel like I can't really reveal myself for fear of being rejected for being "different" or strange.
Part of that stems from being raised in a family that's not mainstream, and furthermore, having SA which has made my life abnormal in so many ways. Just in general being "off-beat" makes me wary of opening up to anyone. I feel like I have to keep the real me hidden or I'll be rejected.
And I mean, hanging out with these people sure does beat being alone all the time. It eases my feelings of being a loser, but I still feel no deep connection.
But I guess my fears of being rejected for being odd aren't completely accurate, because I had a roommate who her very normal friends described as "out there," yet they liked her anyway. I guess it's just harder for some of us to make connections, for whatever reasons.

 

[oolceeoo]

Don't hide who you are. If you are different, this makes life interesting. If they don't like who you are, then they aren't really friends anyway. I love being different, I embrace seeing and thinking differently than others. If you have deep conversations with people, you start to see that deep down you aren't really any different than they are, just on the surface it seems that way.

I'm still a work in progress, but I have to keep telling myself a quote from Dr. Seuss I think: "The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind."

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

simple answer. ur expecting to much, out of everyone in life, ull probs have real connections with a hand full of them. remember this.

 

[lunarskye]

I know what you mean. I feel the same way most of the time. I have a few friends, yet I always feel uncomfortable at some level when I'm with them because I feel like I can't really reveal myself for fear of being rejected for being "different" or strange.
Part of that stems from being raised in a family that's not mainstream, and furthermore, having SA which has made my life abnormal in so many ways. Just in general being "off-beat" makes me wary of opening up to anyone. I feel like I have to keep the real me hidden or I'll be rejected.
And I mean, hanging out with these people sure does beat being alone all the time. It eases my feelings of being a loser, but I still feel no deep connection.
But I guess my fears of being rejected for being odd aren't completely accurate, because I had a roommate who her very normal friends described as "out there," yet they liked her anyway. I guess it's just harder for some of us to make connections, for whatever reasons.

Couldn't have said it better myself. I feel the exact same way.

 

[Len]

Perhaps you had misconstrued preconceptions of friendships before you met your new friends. You were obviously expecting some kind of spark or magic which is something, I think, stems from movies and programs such as Sex and the City or Dawson's Creek.

Well, unfortunately, this is the real world and you have probably realised that all the people in this world are just as boring as we are.

Perhaps you need to reevaluate what you want from a friendship. Such as loyalty, companionship, humour, mutual interests. Score off the word magic and replace it with real.

 

[wooaah]

Perhaps you had misconstrued preconceptions of friendships before you met your new friends. You were obviously expecting some kind of spark or magic which is something, I think, stems from movies and programs such as Sex and the City or Dawson's Creek.

Well, unfortunately, this is the real world and you have probably realised that all the people in this world are just as boring as we are.

Perhaps you need to reevaluate what you want from a friendship. Such as loyalty, companionship, humour, mutual interests. Score off the word magic and replace it with real.

Agreed. Something i've only recently started to realise.. Out of all the people you meet, there are only a few with which you feel any "magic". And those are the friends you keep for life. Knowing more people isn't bad however, the more people you know, the bigger a chance you'll find, or be introduced to these lifelong friends.

 

[bleach]

Agreed. Something i've only recently started to realise.. Out of all the people you meet, there are only a few with which you feel any "magic". And those are the friends you keep for life. Knowing more people isn't bad however, the more people you know, the bigger a chance you'll find, or be introduced to these lifelong friends.

I basically agree, but I would like to add that having a close friend does not guarantee you'll have them 'for life.' Every friendship seems to wax and wane from time to time. It isn't the end of the world as long as you can keep making new friendships.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

I seemed to have reached a point where making new friends is virtually impossible.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

you can't have a 'magic' friend relationship with everyone.if it was like that then it wouldn be magic at all! special friends are hard to find :roll:

 

[Argamemnon]

I seemed to have reached a point where making new friends is virtually impossible.

Same here. The biggest problem for me is having completely different interests. I don't drink, I don't like bars and clubs for example. I find most people pretty shallow.

 

[Owl]

I think we tend to expect a lot from others (speaking from experiance). I am a rubbish friend,I barely bother contacting my few friends I still have and don't feel that connected to them.
You do see in TV these great friend types enjoying life and all happy. It makes your own life feel rubbish.
Getting back to the point. Think you can expect alot from others. I read somewhere you should 'be the friend you would like to have'. I took it to mean you should remember little things like Birthdays,or sent txt if you know someones going through bad time and organise differant things.Rather than waiting to be asked etc.
I've totaly let this view slid and hence nearly forgot my friends birthday recent and in general can't be bothered with people,just don't feel connected or interested. like if someone gets married or what ever,just feel nothing. Just recent having to keep buying presents for people!

 

[Lexmark]

I get this all the time
I only have 1 real freind but have had plenty of mates
It just comes back to us being ourselves

 

[klw3jvg5kl]

Yeah I totally relate..

I just know.. that the magic happens when you're happy with something about yourself.. and you 'use' your new so-called friends to show it to.. that's when the magic happens. But you're not really using them, cause after you 'show' them your [whatever you're happy about yourself with], you wait for them to show you theirs, and you both say 'coooooll!!!' and high-five, and that's when you think *hmm, something magical just happened*

.. So obiously, if you don't got nothing you're happy about yourself with, that moment can never happen..

 

[littl3misstrange]

Wow, I'm so far away from being happy with myself right now, that I'll probably be without a single friend/relationship until I'm like, 40.

 

[Some_guy]

It's good that you have standards. What can I say, if there's no connection, there's none. A true deep connection is kinda rare, those will usually end up to be your greatest friendships.

 

[PhantomPod]

I always feel the same way, when I feel as though a friendship starts to form.

At work, this one girl recently asked me to go to the mall with her during break. So I went with her, and it was mostly her telling me about her life and her relationships. Like she had just broken up with her boyfriend and I'm sitting there thinking, "yeah, I uh, can't relate at all, as I've never even had a boyfriend before." Also, as the holidays are approaching, our company's Christmas party is coming up soon. Since she broke up with her boyfriend she mentioned that now she wouldn't have a date. So I asked if she thought others would have dates and she said that most people may just bring a friend, and she told me to just bring a friend if I didn't have a date. And I'm sitting there quietly think, "yeah, I would, if only I had a single friend to bring."

It just feels like I act more quiet and reserved than usual, because I'm always so on guard and don't want anyone to find out how pathetic my life really is and how I have no friends and I am completely innocent in that I've never had a boyfriend before. So when I am with acquaintances/potential friends, I barely open up about myself and it ends up being that I just sit there listening to their life stories.