Lunch date didn't go so well.. :(
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MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
It seems like maybe she was just really shy. She probably said yes for the same reasons that you worked up the courage to ask her out; that she knows she needs to start taking steps in order to progress in the social world.
The, "hey works for me" response makes me think that she is always that shy and quiet. So she has a hard time talking with people too.
The pause was probably her thinking about how nervous she was talking to be, but then realizing she should push herself to get out there.
I would just casually keep talking to her. Just how you have been, take things slow. I don't think all is lost.
The, "hey works for me" response makes me think that she is always that shy and quiet. So she has a hard time talking with people too.
The pause was probably her thinking about how nervous she was talking to be, but then realizing she should push herself to get out there.
I would just casually keep talking to her. Just how you have been, take things slow. I don't think all is lost.
miss_amy
Well-known member
I think shy too but time will tell. Just have to see if she accepts a second date 
If not, try not to be too down. See how far you've come and how brave you were by asking her in the first place and try see that as a big acheivement and be proud of yourself. Many wouldn't have even got that far.
If not, try not to be too down. See how far you've come and how brave you were by asking her in the first place and try see that as a big acheivement and be proud of yourself. Many wouldn't have even got that far.
cola junky
Active member
hey there....
sounds to me she was shy but u also need to remember that first dates r uncomfortable even to normal ppl without sa-you need to break the ice. maybe she was just uncomfortable because of the situation and u Interpret it like she is not interested. i think that u should try talking to her again and see where it goes, just dont push her. if things dont get any better let it go.
sounds to me she was shy but u also need to remember that first dates r uncomfortable even to normal ppl without sa-you need to break the ice. maybe she was just uncomfortable because of the situation and u Interpret it like she is not interested. i think that u should try talking to her again and see where it goes, just dont push her. if things dont get any better let it go.
It could be that she was just shy. Or it could be she just wasn't that into you. Or she maybe she was distracted thinking about her uncle who just got diagnosed with cancer--who knows, really. These things are not under your control.
Chemistry with someone is rare, and most dates just plain don't end with a real connection.
The real point is that you asked her out, and went ahead and went out with her. That is freakin' awesome! That's what is under your control, and you did the right thing. If you keep doing that, finding someone it does go well with is pretty much inevitable.
Good job, man!
Chemistry with someone is rare, and most dates just plain don't end with a real connection.
The real point is that you asked her out, and went ahead and went out with her. That is freakin' awesome! That's what is under your control, and you did the right thing. If you keep doing that, finding someone it does go well with is pretty much inevitable.
Good job, man!
GoBlue72
Well-known member
Inspirer,
Sounds like you did well no matter what the outcome. I keep reading not to judge yourself by the outcome, whatever it may be. It's either a connection to build on, or an experience to learn from. Hard to judge based on what you've said. Women and men have a hard enough time communicating in general, moreso when one is shy or has issues like SA, even more when both may be suffering from it. I've been on dates where I felt this way, and some where I learned the woman was feeling mixed signals due to my hesitance with body language and contact. So, see what happens and if it doesn't work out, don't hold it against yourself. Learn from it(if you can) and move on.
Sounds like you did well no matter what the outcome. I keep reading not to judge yourself by the outcome, whatever it may be. It's either a connection to build on, or an experience to learn from. Hard to judge based on what you've said. Women and men have a hard enough time communicating in general, moreso when one is shy or has issues like SA, even more when both may be suffering from it. I've been on dates where I felt this way, and some where I learned the woman was feeling mixed signals due to my hesitance with body language and contact. So, see what happens and if it doesn't work out, don't hold it against yourself. Learn from it(if you can) and move on.
danstelter
Well-known member
First dates are often awkward. I guess that at this point, while things are awkward, you really don't know for sure what she's thinking (does anyone know what women are thinking?). Try setting up a second date sometime in the near future, and if she ignores you or makes excuses, then you know for sure.
In any event, you took the right steps, though awkward, which means that eventually you'll find yourself where you want to be - in a relationship. That's great work!
I got married at 26, and I can't tell you how many awkward dates or approaches I made prior to that! I guess that what I would recommend is that you target women who are more outgoing and less shy. Typically, in a good relationship, each partner's strengths cover over the weaknesses of the other. I'm not as talkative, and my wife and her family are very talkative. See if you can identify someone like that. I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with another shy person, but my experience shows looking for an extroverted person may suit you better.
In any event, you took the right steps, though awkward, which means that eventually you'll find yourself where you want to be - in a relationship. That's great work!
I got married at 26, and I can't tell you how many awkward dates or approaches I made prior to that! I guess that what I would recommend is that you target women who are more outgoing and less shy. Typically, in a good relationship, each partner's strengths cover over the weaknesses of the other. I'm not as talkative, and my wife and her family are very talkative. See if you can identify someone like that. I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with another shy person, but my experience shows looking for an extroverted person may suit you better.
aidan
Well-known member
hey i think you did great on forcing yourself to ask her out and to have the courage to go out with her, not easy at all. i think by reading your post that maybe she is shy too! i mean she wouldn't have gone out in the first place if she had zero interest in you. have you told her you have SA by any chance?? as someone already pointed out, if you try ask her out again sometime soon and see what she says. if no, well at least you know where you stand with her. i hope it works out for you.
danstelter
Well-known member
I thought I was intrigued by shy people too, but I instead ended up marrying someone who was not very shy at all.
Rejection can be crushing and I get that because I was there at one time, but continuing to try and moving on was the solution that ended up working.
Now, you are talking yourself out of doing anything because you think that failure is inevitable. "Playing it safe" is a motto people use to stay in their comfort zone, which could leave you single for a long time. The only point where you are "creepy" is if you keep going where she is and not talking, or if she repeatedly says no and you keep approaching.
Best idea is to take a shot, see what happens, and live with the consequences, knowing that the right one will work out if this one doesn't.
Rejection can be crushing and I get that because I was there at one time, but continuing to try and moving on was the solution that ended up working.
Now, you are talking yourself out of doing anything because you think that failure is inevitable. "Playing it safe" is a motto people use to stay in their comfort zone, which could leave you single for a long time. The only point where you are "creepy" is if you keep going where she is and not talking, or if she repeatedly says no and you keep approaching.
Best idea is to take a shot, see what happens, and live with the consequences, knowing that the right one will work out if this one doesn't.
twiggle
Well-known member
This girl must be something quite special to you if you don't often feel this way.
It shows a great side to your personality that you won't hop from girl to girl until you find a match. You're obviously holding out for a true relationship.
I agree with many of the others that it sounds like this girl is just shy too, otherwise she wouldn't have met with you. But you don't know that for certain, and I think you're right not to assume that this is the case. There IS a chance that she just felt that you didn't click.
But you're only going to find out one way. I think the movie is a great idea - then if she's shy she will see the advantages too - you will have something to talk about.
I know you're scared of being crushed. I know EXACTLY how you feel, believe me. But, if you don't ask her, you may never know, and that means that you'll never get the chance to be with her.
Give it a go. Invite her to a movie. If she says no then get upset, maybe even cry, but remember that that feeling won't last forever, it will pass. Surely that's better than hanging in the lurch.