lunch breaks are hardest work I do all day!

[worrywort]

anyone else find this? That lunch breaks, or any other time that involves socialising, are the hardest work you do in the day?....it's insane....you work 3-4 hour shift, then what you really need is a good break to be alone somewhere and refresh and recharge your battery's....but instead you come back from your break a nervous wreck!....ergh.....I was feeling so good this morning....and work started great....had the office to myself....got loads done....had the radio on....sweet....then all the electricians come in and decide it's lunchtime and I'm coming with them....so I do.....I don't everyday, but I didn't want to be rude......oh man, then I just sat there for the whole hour and didn't open my mouth once.....instead I decided it'd be a better idea if I gradually decend into a pit of anxiety and depression....and I eventually came out the other side convinced that everybody hated me and that I was a horrible person.

ergh man....I dunno what to do.....do you think people would find it rude if I explained that I prefer to be alone on my lunch breaks? What if I explained that I'd actually prefer they just left me alone all day every day!!!?? where's the line?!

on a side note....the other thing I hate, is people that moan about other people all the time....[yes I understand the irony, but this is my only moan...I promise! ]....all day long, all I hear from people is how the rest of the human race are idiots, except for them....I so wish people would give each other a chance.....some human beings are messed up....I hate that they should get picked on.....but I probably can't talk....I've probably been guilty of the same mentality at some point before....I dunno....ergh.....vent over!

 

[zofia-life-coach]

How about seeing lunchtime as a time for your exercises in spending time with people and getting out of your social phobia. I know nothing nice and pleasant but certainly its better than getting into dipper social anxieties.
Anyway. It worked for me. Good luck.

 

[Havocan]

You simply say you're exhausted and prefer being alone, if they can't accept that then just tell them to back off. I've had this feeling before when I was in awkward social surroundings, but when I met a group of people I could talk with easily it went better and I finally started to socialise, mostly because I felt I could be myself and managed to relax in their presence^^.

 

[NormanBates]

Joining them for lunch and not saying anything is better than not joining them at all. But don't forget, joining them and talking is better than not saying anything. Then again, not joining them at all is better than joining them.
So many options, and so many separate days to do them all.

 

[Havocan]

Joining them for lunch and not saying anything is better than not joining them at all.

Don't know about that. I've done this a lot of times and you just feel isolated, embarrassed and wrongly positioned in a situation like that. It feels just horrible. But then again it's maybe one way to practice your social skills^^.

 

[manicexpressyv]

I just sat there for the whole hour and didn't open my mouth once.....instead I decided it'd be a better idea if I gradually decend into a pit of anxiety and depression

That's the worse feeling! When you anticipate that happening ask yourself, "Am I going to feel worse if I sit here and don't say a word, or if I say something and get rejected?" The "pit of anxiety and depression," as you describe it, is probably worse than a rejection. At least you can feel good that you tried!

do you think people would find it rude if I explained that I prefer to be alone on my lunch breaks?

It probably will seem a little weird to people who associate socializing with fun and relaxation, but it will make them leave you alone! However, is that what you really want? Would you rather be left alone and avoid the anxiety, or learn how to actually enjoy those situations? I think the latter is the end goal for many of us. And from my experience repeatedly embracing those situations, discomfort and all, is the only way to get closer to the reality where we can be relaxed and comfortable around others.

the other thing I hate, is people that moan about other people all the time

Agreed. Try to change the subject if someone starts complaining. If it persists and they're like that all the time, it might not be worth chatting with them at all. We have to choose the connections in our life that have a positive impact =).

Joining them for lunch and not saying anything is better than not joining them at all.

Not joining < Joining & not talking < Joining and talking

Not joining may be easier than the others, but it won't help you learn!

 

[NormanBates]

Okay okay somebody else gave me that as a bit of advice.

(It happened after I went to a party and ran away after 3 minutes)

Next time those guys ask you to lunch, just throw your sandwich at them.
What's wrong with being a loner, especially when talking is not your heart's desire?
Join when you want to talk, and don't join when you don't want to talk.
That way there's less confusion.

(Unless you desire a gray area such as attending their lunch and not talking)

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I don't have a job (unfortunately), but I do go to college full-time. To avoid all the social stuff, I eat in the bathroom. It's pathetic, I know, but it keeps me sane.

 

[xSleepy]

Id rather eat alone then have to try to eat and talk to people i wasnt comfortable with. Like with you worrywort, that was kind of a surprise lunch. Because you werent planning on eating lunch with anyone that day. That alone would make me really really nervous. And then having to actually sit and eat with them is like horrible. I would be very anxious. And I doubt being in a bad situation like that would help my anxiety in any way.

Putting yourself in a situation that makes you anxious can be good for you and help you learn from it. But it should be your choice and you should do it when youre ready to and you should chose which social situation you wanna put yourself in. Starting off like that should help your learn and hopefully help prepare yourself for unexpected social situations that come up like having to eat lunch with peoplez and stuff.

And ummm, maybe the next time that happens you can tell them something like... those chairs out there hurt my ass, mine is much more comfortable so im just gonna stay here and talk to myself or something, k?..... lol, thats probably really stupid 8[

 

[Off The Wall]

Oh yes, lunch breaks! how i hate them, i don't think its so wrong to want to be on your own for lunch though.. work is stresful i'd rather just sit somewhere quiet by myself and focus on my "social skills" when im not working.

we had this little "crew room" at work for our lunch breaks, all the "cool" people at my work would actually go and sit outside when i was in there probbaly should have made me feel like a loser but hey i didn't mind haha. all the other nicer people would come and sit with me and talk 24/7 which was annoying a break isn't suppose to be stressful i hate eating in front of people also so i'd like pretend to chuck it out then go to the bathroom and eat in there. it's so lame the things we do to be alone..\

i really have no advice though cause i have no idea what to do myself... i just use to put up with it and sit there not talking pretty much...smileling nicely when they'd say something. i mean i appreciate them talking to me and not judging me like everyone else at work had done but yeah...

 

[DaaaBulls]

Personally I would just tell them that your going to eat in the office or eat later. If you already have in your mind that you don't want to go with them then there is no way in the world that your going to have a good time and they will see that. If you selectively choose when you actually go to lunch with people you enjoy then you will actually enjoy the lunch and everytime you say no those people aren't going to think 'man this guy is rude, I hate him' the more likely thought is 'man i wish this guy could come eat with us because we could use some more people but he seems to be an independent thinker an decides when and where he will eat lunch'. You will feel more empowered thinking in the second response and people will think you have stuff going on which makes hanging out with you more desirable. I mean why go if you are already thinking it will be a disaster? You will feel much better being the person who says no thanks rather than the person who withers to others pleas to hang out.

 

[sabbath9]

I don't have a job (unfortunately), but I do go to college full-time. To avoid all the social stuff, I eat in the bathroom. It's pathetic, I know, but it keeps me sane.

There must be a better place to eat than the bathroom. Maybe outdoors on a bench. Sometimes there's a quiet cafe off campus or a nearby park.

 

[newbie]

yes i hate this too, because i live so close i go home
its not like its gona be the end of the world if i sit at a table with my fellow coworkers but its silence from my end, i just listen, it sucks balls!@#@$

the best thing to do is make jokes and make everyone laugh, but how can you when you don't even know if your kinds of jokes equate to their humor...

ohwell man, do whatever you can, if you find at least 1 person that you can get along with then it shall be all good, if not (i know its soo damn hard!) then eat somewhere else...

 

[newbie]

just to add, the reason why people get upset when you say no when asked to a party or anywhere out is because they feel as tho you don't like them and that you are rejecting them by saying no
where as from our point it has nothing to do with them at all and we may like em too but that doest help

 

[worrywort]

thanks for the advice everyone....I love this site sometimes!....I wasn't expecting any replies, but instead got a flood of wisdom come my way! ...cheers guys!

That's the worse feeling! When you anticipate that happening ask yourself, "Am I going to feel worse if I sit here and don't say a word, or if I say something and get rejected?" The "pit of anxiety and depression," as you describe it, is probably worse than a rejection. At least you can feel good that you tried!

yea...damn! I wish you weren't right, but you are! tis better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all!

Putting yourself in a situation that makes you anxious can be good for you and help you learn from it. But it should be your choice and you should do it when youre ready to and you should chose which social situation you wanna put yourself in. Starting off like that should help your learn and hopefully help prepare yourself for unexpected social situations that come up like having to eat lunch with peoplez and stuff.

yea, this is true too.....I gotta remember to do life at my own pace and not be ashamed of this either....we've all got our own journeys to take.

I don't have a job (unfortunately), but I do go to college full-time. To avoid all the social stuff, I eat in the bathroom. It's pathetic, I know, but it keeps me sane.

oh god, I used to do that at my old cleaning job...to be honest I really used to cherish those lunch times!!! I kinda enjoyed hiding out in my smelly little cubicle!....man, I'm weird!!!

Next time those guys ask you to lunch, just throw your sandwich at them.
What's wrong with being a loner, especially when talking is not your heart's desire?
Join when you want to talk, and don't join when you don't want to talk.
That way there's less confusion.

This is my favourite piece of advice!!! Infact, most days [excluding the sandwich throwing] this is usually my attitude......and most days I feel fine with this....I am a lone wolf and I am resolved to this!.....it's just that some days I get that niggling feeling that I'm being a bad person....these electricians weren't bad people.....most people aren't bad people....I don't like to snub people.....

......I guess, like most things in life, some kind of balance or middle ground is probably the best answer.....I'l generally keep myself to myself cause that's the way I like it.....but I won't totally close myself off to certain social oppurtunitys....I'll try to stay open and socialise here and there when I feel the time is right!

 

[lilcharlie]

I am going to pitch into this lunch thread deal. I've been getting tired of lunch times. I've decided I want to be by myself, unless I have a lunch appointment with somebody that I want to go to lunch with. I just get really tired of perverted old men wanting to go to lunch with me all the time. (I have absolutely no qualms or discrimination about old men; it's just the old men I know are perverted. They like to taunt me, hug me, touch me, hover over me, tease me, etc.) I run into other types of guys too, I don't like going to lunch with them either. There are only so many places around my work to go to lunch, thus, there are only so many lunch routes you can take. Here's my situation: I'll walk to lunch, and guys will be waiting outside for me; either that, or I'll walk to lunch, and guys will conveniently "catch up with me," since there are only so many lunch routes you can take. I've even hid from guys before by leaving from the back door. Other times I went the back way, I still ran into guys I was trying to dodge. I've decided I don't feel like bothering other people during their lunch times either. I'm just gonna keep to myself. I get tired of people asking me questions like I'm in some CIA investigation room, asking me tons of questions, all about my personal life that's none of their business. I get tired of small talk, and talking about things I don't care about. I'm tired of making excuses when people ask me to lunch, or having to find someone else to come with us, so the guys don't get perverted on me. People might say well find some girls to eat lunch with, well I just want to be by myself but I just don't know how, and I don't like to be rude. If I tell the guy I'm going to walk during my lunch break, he goes, well, I'll walk with you. Bla bla bla bla bla. I just want to sit in the coffee shop by myself, read a magazine, just be by myself, or just walk around by myself, or eat lunch by myself. A lot of people eat lunch at the same time so it's not easy to avoid people. The only way I can avoid people is by running because there are not many people that run during lunch, but I don't want to have to run all the time just to avoid people lol. I just need to escape. I'm going to find a way to hide. These types of situations aren't good for me since I think I have some paranoia and SA.

 

[newbie]

i love seeing womens view and their opinion, keep em coming