idk wtf happened to the emoji there.. It was meant to be the normal exhale oneslipping into the big sad again
The dingo sanctuary has been great, and theres been a couple days where I've caught up with some friends and been able to get out of my head. But outside of those days I've been feeling rather low againā
. I also got my eyebrow pierced again, I used to have it about 10 years back but had to take it out coz of the toxic ex bullshit, along with my nose and lip piercings, I missed the eyebrow ones the most and so I decided fuck it I want it back. Then I impulsively got a nipple pierced too lol. Probably indicative that I slipped into a more manic end of the mood spirals but eh I like the piercings so I dont mind. its nice to be feeling like I'm me again and less like I've been running on autopilot and survival mode.
You put in so much work towards losing weight, yet that's what she focused on most. I can understand your insecurity, but believe me when I say (as cliche as it always sounds), when you're dating someone and that person really loves you and cares for you, they're not going to care about all your loose skin. They're going to know about your weight loss journey and say, "Wow! That's an amazing achievement! I'm so proud of you!" And they're going to see what a determined and hardworking person you truly are.This. It's always this. It's a sense of insecurity with themselves so they feel the urge to push others down to make themselves feel better, while also being a reflection of their own character and what they aren't able to do. My mother was pretty bad about this growing up. She ALWAYS had a comment towards how I looked and it seriously affected my confidence (or rather lack thereof) as a teen and even now. I wasn't thin growing up either. I was pretty chunky for a long time especially for my height, weighed more then than I do now. Not just "baby fat", but I also wasn't as active as I am now either, nor did I eat as healthily. I remember a couple times in particular when shopping for clothing (which was always a living hell most of the time) she would make remarks like, "I can't believe you're bigger than I was at this age." and "You know, you could go on a diet." That shit is SO damaging towards children, but especially towards girls because it's thrown in our faces at such a young age through the media alone on how we are expected to look. Not to mention remarks towards my hair, how I did not know how to take care of the curly mass on top of my head, my crooked teeth which needed a lot of money invested into because I did not win the genetic lottery on that front, the fact I didn't wear makeup either, and that I wasn't "girly enough" since I hated more feminine clothing anyways and was almost always wearing guys t-shirts. But what's funny is that despite all the judgment I got from my own mother, not once did she even help me in any of these departments (except the teeth; boy did my parents have to dish out the change on that, but that was a whole medical issue, not really cosmetics) and later in life it dawned on me that she never helped me and just bullied me all the time because I was a reflection of what she couldn't actually do herself. She couldn't bother to teach me how to do makeup or care properly for my curly hair or even find clothes that fitted properly because she didn't know how to do it herself. I ended up having to teach myself ALL of those things, plus how to eat better, and I have a lot more confidence now than I ever did as a kid/teen. Gaining confidence and being happy with yourself and reflecting that with your hair, makeup, clothing, etc. is the biggest middle-finger flex you can have towards anyone that has judged you wrongly otherwise.
I'm so sorry your mom had to make an inappropriate comment like that Loyal.
This. It's always this. It's a sense of insecurity with themselves so they feel the urge to push others down to make themselves feel better, while also being a reflection of their own character and what they aren't able to do. My mother was pretty bad about this growing up. She ALWAYS had a comment towards how I looked and it seriously affected my confidence (or rather lack thereof) as a teen and even now. I wasn't thin growing up either. I was pretty chunky for a long time especially for my height, weighed more then than I do now. Not just "baby fat", but I also wasn't as active as I am now either, nor did I eat as healthily. I remember a couple times in particular when shopping for clothing (which was always a living hell most of the time) she would make remarks like, "I can't believe you're bigger than I was at this age." and "You know, you could go on a diet." That shit is SO damaging towards children, but especially towards girls because it's thrown in our faces at such a young age through the media alone on how we are expected to look. Not to mention remarks towards my hair, how I did not know how to take care of the curly mass on top of my head, my crooked teeth which needed a lot of money invested into because I did not win the genetic lottery on that front, the fact I didn't wear makeup either, and that I wasn't "girly enough" since I hated more feminine clothing anyways and was almost always wearing guys t-shirts. But what's funny is that despite all the judgment I got from my own mother, not once did she even help me in any of these departments (except the teeth; boy did my parents have to dish out the change on that, but that was a whole medical issue, not really cosmetics) and later in life it dawned on me that she never helped me and just bullied me all the time because I was a reflection of what she couldn't actually do herself. She couldn't bother to teach me how to do makeup or care properly for my curly hair or even find clothes that fitted properly because she didn't know how to do it herself. I ended up having to teach myself ALL of those things, plus how to eat better, and I have a lot more confidence now than I ever did as a kid/teen. Gaining confidence and being happy with yourself and reflecting that with your hair, makeup, clothing, etc. is the biggest middle-finger flex you can have towards anyone that has judged you wrongly otherwise.
getting drunk and just enjoying some music and relaxing and lowkey called her out on facebook in front of all her friends which im sure I'll regret when sober but makes me feel better right now lol
I'm sorry Loyal. Please don't kick yourself for seeking out comfort though. It's normal to seek it out from your parents, especially your mom because we expect our mothers to be, well, motherly. It's hard having a torn relationship with any parent. They're supposed to be the ones you look to and rely on emotionally and sometimes they're just not there. You wind up with a gap that doesn't seem like it can ever be filled and so you figure out ways to cope to help fill that gap. Some good, some not so good. Both of my parents were pretty emotionally absent growing up too. My parents were never the touchy-feely type and forget ever talking about your feelings too. Snide comments, yelling, talking about each other, and just being pissy were common occurrences in our house -- all fueled by my own mother. My dad wasn't innocent either, but he really just kept to himself and ignored everything, whereas my mother always expressed herself.My relationship with her has never been great really, she was quite emotionally and physically abusive as I was growing up so really it was a stupid choice on my part to go seeking comfort there. All its done is damage my emotional and mental wellbeing. Mine always made those kinds of comments too, really so many people just arent suited to being parents, they need to work on their own issues first
but tonight Im drinking my pain away
