Loyal's Thoughts

[Miserum]

Meanwhile, in Loyal's room...

 

[Miserum]

Its St Ives tomorrow... well considering its almost 2am in a few hours time really. Im quite excited for it

I like that you like this sort of shit. It's comfy.

I went to a couple of places like this as a kid where I got to watch knights "fight" each other, while I downed chicken with my bare hands, amongst other assorted fun. Good memories. I'd totally be up to go again one day.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I like that you like this sort of shit. It's comfy.

I went to a couple of places like this as a kid where I got to watch knights "fight" each other, while I downed chicken with my bare hands, amongst other assorted fun. Good memories. I'd totally be up to go again one day.

I love them so much, I wish they happened more often, I love the jousting and the corn on the cob on a stick the best. Not to mention how much I would love if it was socially acceptable to just wear clothes like that, or fantasy style outfits, in everyday life. Just imagine how much more interesting and fun the world would be if everyone went around in cloaks and gowns and all sorts of amazing fun costumes.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Two more weeks til the semester is over.
Two more weeks of classes and four more assignments and Im free for almost four months.

If only I could make myself work on these assignments, but these damn health issues have me feeling particularly exhausted and sore for the last couple of days.

On top of that is a bit of financial stress. Xmas is always rough on me financially, especially since its followed pretty quickly by car servicing/rego/repairs (this time round I need new break pads). It doesnt help that its also normally preceeded by two of my dogs being due for their annual vaccinations... This year the family xmas is being held on the 2nd of November (a rather recent decision because I made a group chat to find out what was happening coz some people are going away and such in December) so the sudden need to buy 90% of my presents in the next two weeks (also the timeframe for those assignments) has brought on the xmas stress early. Not to mention I get so stressed buying things for people. I always worry they wont like what I buy or I will have not spent enough/spent too much. I just really dont like xmas in general and the stress it brings adds to that and its starting early this year.

 

[LoyalXenite]

One more essay and one more class and the semester is over.

Downside: The essay is 2100 words and due in 21 hours... and I cannot make myself focus on it so only have about 150 words written so far! Clearly gonna be an all nighter type of essay since its currently 1:13am. Once I finish it I've gotta get some sleep coz I gotta do the stupid xmas shopping tomorrow coz the damned family xmas is on this Saturday. Friday is my last class and any last xmas shopping bits to get and wrapping the damned presents... Then the Sunday is my little cousins birthday party but I honestly dont think I can handle going. Im stressed and tired and the next few days are going to continue being busy and stressful and frankly being surrounded by screaming children in a forced social setting is just too much for me. Im going to try and get out of it, but not sure how yet.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

The dreaded "College Paper Curse," I know it well. Too well, for my tastes . Anyway, sounds like you've gotta force yourself to sit down and do the thing. That old saying about procrastination fits well here.

If you can't make it, you can't make it. Running yourself into the ground for people is unwise. If you want to go, that's one thing. But, if you're going to be busy for a while, it may be best to pick and choose what you do.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I got it done, and with 13 hours to spare Now for some sleep before I deal with the xmas shopping.

The dreaded "College Paper Curse," I know it well. Too well, for my tastes . Anyway, sounds like you've gotta force yourself to sit down and do the thing. That old saying about procrastination fits well here.

If you can't make it, you can't make it. Running yourself into the ground for people is unwise. If you want to go, that's one thing. But, if you're going to be busy for a while, it may be best to pick and choose what you do.

I dont know how I managed it, but I did

Yeah I'm gonna see how I feel on the day before and make my decision then, Im still probably going to skip it though

 

[LoyalXenite]

Its been about four days since uni and family stuff all ended. I've done little else but sleep since, I still feel drained and exhausted, but Im starting to get stirrings of restlessness. Maybe soon I'll be able to tackle some much needed jobs... tedious ones like the cleaning list and washing the car and doing barrier sprays.. As well as some still tedious but rarer ones like reorganizing the books or board games to fit in any new ones I'd gotten through the year or sewing and repairing any clothes with rips or holes... Then theres the fun list of dnd projects to tackle, and the random projects I suddenly get urges to do that I actually enjoy... Of course I think about all this and my tiredness grows.. I think I need a few more days of rest.. Though I will have to leave the house today to go do a couple errands, and tomorrow the dogs are due for their annual vaccinations so a vet visit is in order. But maybe next week I'll feel a little more alive...

Emotionally is a whole other story, I've been rather numb for a while now, I think I broke a little bit getting through the semester and so I've had to shutdown to recover. Its not helping with the tiredness and has a hint of longing and loneliness that threatens to develop into a more melancholy mood...

 

[LoyalXenite]

Im having an arguably first world problem type of stress right now...

Short story is my father's father and his gf have come to visit for about a week or so (we've only met a couple times so its already a stressful time of unfamiliar people in my space) and after some initial awkwardness I managed to escape back to my little half a garage to hide. But during the initial awkwardness his Gf brought up that dads father owes me a present for my 21st. I was like uhh im 29? but she was insisting because he'd given her kids $1000 when they turned 21 and so he owes me it too, I was like its really not necessary its so long ago but she wouldnt hear of it (meanwhile he is sitting right there saying he doesnt have the money and she is like you do I know you do and Im sitting there not knowing how to react beyond awkward chuckle and repeating its not needed). Then not long after I'd escaped he comes down and hands me $1000!?!? and now Im having a bit of a panic attack because I dont know how to deal with this situation. Its a lot of money to be given by someone who I really dont know and essentially with no strings attached but I think in my whole life he has only ever given me one other gift (one xmas a few years back) and so its nice to be acknowledged... but also what?! what are my obligations here, I took the money coz its reflex to take when someone hands something to me, especially when my dogs are milling about and im trying to keep them from barking too much or jumping up...

So now im sitting here with $1000 in front of me trying to figure out what I do. I probably should go back up and socialize but Im stuck in a state of idk how to react or what to do with the money. I've been stressed and sitting here for half an hour just unsure what to do. I'm in a tough spot atm financially what with recently having had two dog vaccinations done (which was super stressful coz one of my dogs got loose and got hit by a car - which thankfully was going slow so she is absolutely fine but my god that was horrible!), plus I have car issues and rego coming up soon and I havent finished xmas shopping.. so this money would really help me get through that shit a lot easier... like a LOT easier... But on the other hand I still owe my dad $1200 from like 3 years ago when he bought me my camera to start my degree, I havent had a chance to even slightly pay him back so this would knock off a massive hunk of that and frankly idk when I'll actually be able to pay him back otherwise..

But then this selfish little part of me is like, this is essentially a birthday present (granted 8 and a half years late) so why not use it on something fun like a Nintendo switch and some games coz when are you gonna have this opportunity again... I cant justify such a splurge in a time of financial harship but a part of me wants to so badly...

Really its gotta go on either car repairs/rego during the hardest time of the year for me financially (and emotionally for that matter) or paying off dad... and theres a decent chance that when I pay him this and say well its only $200 that I owe you now he'll say dont worry about the last $200, so this would essentially clear that debt entirely...

I dont know what to do

 

[Miserum]

Im having an arguably first world problem type of stress right now...

Short story is my father's father and his gf have come to visit for about a week or so (we've only met a couple times so its already a stressful time of unfamiliar people in my space) and after some initial awkwardness I managed to escape back to my little half a garage to hide. But during the initial awkwardness his Gf brought up that dads father owes me a present for my 21st. I was like uhh im 29? but she was insisting because he'd given her kids $1000 when they turned 21 and so he owes me it too, I was like its really not necessary its so long ago but she wouldnt hear of it (meanwhile he is sitting right there saying he doesnt have the money and she is like you do I know you do and Im sitting there not knowing how to react beyond awkward chuckle and repeating its not needed). Then not long after I'd escaped he comes down and hands me $1000!?!? and now Im having a bit of a panic attack because I dont know how to deal with this situation. Its a lot of money to be given by someone who I really dont know and essentially with no strings attached but I think in my whole life he has only ever given me one other gift (one xmas a few years back) and so its nice to be acknowledged... but also what?! what are my obligations here, I took the money coz its reflex to take when someone hands something to me, especially when my dogs are milling about and im trying to keep them from barking too much or jumping up...

So now im sitting here with $1000 in front of me trying to figure out what I do. I probably should go back up and socialize but Im stuck in a state of idk how to react or what to do with the money. I've been stressed and sitting here for half an hour just unsure what to do. I'm in a tough spot atm financially what with recently having had two dog vaccinations done (which was super stressful coz one of my dogs got loose and got hit by a car - which thankfully was going slow so she is absolutely fine but my god that was horrible!), plus I have car issues and rego coming up soon and I havent finished xmas shopping.. so this money would really help me get through that shit a lot easier... like a LOT easier... But on the other hand I still owe my dad $1200 from like 3 years ago when he bought me my camera to start my degree, I havent had a chance to even slightly pay him back so this would knock off a massive hunk of that and frankly idk when I'll actually be able to pay him back otherwise..

But then this selfish little part of me is like, this is essentially a birthday present (granted 8 and a half years late) so why not use it on something fun like a Nintendo switch and some games coz when are you gonna have this opportunity again... I cant justify such a splurge in a time of financial harship but a part of me wants to so badly...

Really its gotta go on either car repairs/rego during the hardest time of the year for me financially (and emotionally for that matter) or paying off dad... and theres a decent chance that when I pay him this and say well its only $200 that I owe you now he'll say dont worry about the last $200, so this would essentially clear that debt entirely...

I dont know what to do

If I were you I'd just accept the money graciously. He gave you the money. It's now yours.

Idk your dad, but if he's reasonable, he can wait for you to pay him back. You're his daughter. Hopefully there is a level of trust there where he's not harboring the debt against you.

Use the money on the necessities. There's nothing like the feeling of getting burdens off your shoulders.

Maybe if you have some left over you can spend it on a Switch. After all, aren't there so many other interesting things you could be doing that are actually free? It's not like you need the Switch.

 

[LoyalXenite]

If I were you I'd just accept the money graciously. He gave you the money. It's now yours.

Idk your dad, but if he's reasonable, he can wait for you to pay him back. You're his daughter. Hopefully there is a level of trust there where he's not harboring the debt against you.

Use the money on the necessities. There's nothing like the feeling of getting burdens off your shoulders.

Maybe if you have some left over you can spend it on a Switch. After all, aren't there so many other interesting things you could be doing that are actually free? It's not like you need the Switch.

He has been very reasonable about it, its been three years and he never brings it up or anything, its just that I hate borrowing money so its been bothering me having it there coz I just havent been able to pay it back and even paying it off isnt really doable coz whatever I have spare I try and save for the rough times like the car rego or general bad luck rough times.

Using it on the necessities wouldnt leave me with any left over, rego stuff alone is $1200 ish, so add to that the car servicing and the repairs which I'm estimating will add around another $500 to it, then theres the rest of the xmas shopping stuff to do... So it wouldnt have anything left but it would make getting through all that a lot more manageable...

 

[LoyalXenite]

It would be better to use it on the car stuff, coz I've been very stressed about how Im going to manage to get through all that crap... But I also really hate owing dad so much money and so to pay that back would also ease some stress and guilt...

 

[LoyalXenite]

I told dad, I said to him that I will see how much the car repairs cost, if its not too bad I'll use the money to pay him back, if its a lot then I'll use it for the car repairs and rego. He was ok with it. This way its more of an informed decision, no sense in paying him the money now then going to the mechanic later this week and finding out the repairs are more than I estimated and I'm even more financially screwed than I thought..

 

[LoyalXenite]

So I took my car into the mechanics today... It was only meant to be for a couple of hours so I was going to just hang around town (no point getting the bus home if I'd only have to leave again half an hour later) but it ended up taking 8 hours!! I literally had time to have breakfast, do some xmas shopping, have lunch, and buy and almost completely (5 pages off) read a novel (Stephen King's The institute - which I quite enjoyed).

After all that he finally calls to say I can pick my car up again... But Im not even sure if it's fixed. He (Mechanic) said it was either air lock causing a blockage type of thing in the coolant hose, or there's a crack somewhere and it'll cost more than the car is worth to fix

.

So if it's the airlock he has cleared that out and it'll be fine, I've gotta monitor it over the next couple of weeks and see how it goes (he is fully booked for the next two weeks). But if the problem reoccurs then it means that the car is fucked. Its going to be tense figuring it out. It didnt overheat on the drive home, but that drive isnt as long as the other drives in which it overheated so Im not sure if that means its ok or not, I would've driven further to test it but eight hours in town meant I wanted to come home... I'll see how it goes when I next do a longer drive. For now I need to destress from being stuck in town surrounded by crowds for 8 hours and from worrying about my car..

 

[LoyalXenite]

One bonus though is the mechanic didnt charge me for today, though my anxiety is like thats because he suspects the cars fucked and gotta be scrapped anyway

 

[Miserum]

Fingers crossed, hope your car makes it!

 

[LoyalXenite]

So far the car seems to be running normally.. I haven't done any particularly long drives, but it manages half hour drives like normal so maybe it'll be ok and it'll pass rego check in a few weeks no problem...

There's a big climate protest tomorrow in Sydney, but I'm not going even though I'd really like to. I'm not going mainly because the air in Sydney might actually put me in hospital (I almost had asthma attack this morning from the air here, and its not where near as bad as the city)... Plus there's the fact that tomorrow is the anniversary of Gabe's death and I'm not sure what my emotional state will be. Going to a protest where I'll be stressed and angry and struggling health wise, then adding grief anger into the mix... I'd probably end up arrested

 

[LoyalXenite]

My best friend is going to the protest though, and so she's gonna take up a sign for me. I sent her a few crappy paint made designs which I'll share here soon

 

[LoyalXenite]

Today marks 8 years.
8 years without your light and warmth.
And I still miss you so much it hurts.

 

[Miserum]

There's a big climate protest tomorrow in Sydney, but I'm not going even though I'd really like to. I'm not going mainly because the air in Sydney might actually put me in hospital (I almost had asthma attack this morning from the air here, and its not where near as bad as the city)...

How ironic that you can't attend a climate protest because the air there will be too dirty.