Loyal's Thoughts

[LoyalXenite]

Been incredibly exhausted for the last week, aside from the pile of uni work that I've had I have been emotionally drained, feeling very bogged down by unpleasant memories and thoughts. Im really struggling to control my memories, Im getting some of my most shit memories on constant replay in my mind. Trying to maintain a happy facade is incredibly difficult but I dont want to burden my partner with my struggles.

On the uni front I have 2 essays to write this week, only 2000 words and 1500 words, but still a large effort for me. But on the positive side after this week, 2 essays, 1 exam and 1 (horrible) conference that is compulsory to attend. After all this crap, Im on holidays and next semester is all new subjects and a fresh start again. Im so tired of this semester's subjects, all prerequisites so I had no choice in them.

On a more positive side I have had fun with a new toy I bought for the pets, an automatic laser pointer kind of thing, it has a little red laser dot that moves around the room. 2 of the cats and the dog absolutely love it.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Stressing a little bit. Gotta write a 1500 word essay and a 100 word reflection tonight, a 2000 word essay tomorrow, as well as 4 hours of lectures.

But then at least I only will have one conference (major stress) where I thankfully dont have to present anything, but I am expected to attend for min 2 hours and ask questions. Then an exam in two weeks. But then sweet delicious holidays until the end of August.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Managed to get those essays written, the 2000 one my partner helped me with a lot (It was a magazine article style instead of an essay). Today is the day of the conference, unfortunately I woke up 3 hours before I had to, thanks to terrible back pain. So Im dead tired and my eyes are burning. But I gotta get ready in about an hour so there is no point in trying for anymore sleep.

At least after this conference I only have a 100 word reflection, then putting various assignments into a portfolio to submit, then an exam and I am done with this damned semester.

 

[LoyalXenite]

A few days then I have one last exam then im on sweet sweet holidays until August.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Im really sick of living under our landlord. He keeps making unreasonable complaints constantly and it makes it so uncomfortable to go out the door. His girlfriend had moved our doormat today and hung it over the fence for some absurd reason. Then he said the grass was dying coz my dog pees there, whereas its more likely dying coz his girlfriend is always driving over it. Recently he blamed us for the hot water running out, he wont let us have our own bin but gets mad if we fill the bin we share with him. Over and over again there is some issue that he has no legal grounds to complain at us over. Not to mention he mostly comes to the door after having a LOT of drinks.

If we could afford to move/find somewhere cheap that would take our pets we'd move immediately. It really sucks here.

 

[LoyalXenite]

..And now the landlord is blaring his music again...

Argh

 

[LoyalXenite]

I rejoined facebook yesterday. I hate the site but its the only way for me to contact an old friend of mine to make sure she is ok. I m glad I contacted her again though coz she is having some shit happening again and needed someone.

So as much as I hate facebook its the only way to be able to make sure she is doing ok

 

[MikeyC]

Im really sick of living under our landlord. He keeps making unreasonable complaints constantly and it makes it so uncomfortable to go out the door. His girlfriend had moved our doormat today and hung it over the fence for some absurd reason. Then he said the grass was dying coz my dog pees there, whereas its more likely dying coz his girlfriend is always driving over it. Recently he blamed us for the hot water running out, he wont let us have our own bin but gets mad if we fill the bin we share with him. Over and over again there is some issue that he has no legal grounds to complain at us over. Not to mention he mostly comes to the door after having a LOT of drinks.

If we could afford to move/find somewhere cheap that would take our pets we'd move immediately. It really sucks here.

Have you looked at moving elsewhere? Maybe there's some cheaper places in Wollongong you can go to.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Have you looked at moving elsewhere? Maybe there's some cheaper places in Wollongong you can go to.

I check every few weeks or so, but 99% of places are no pets, the ones that do allow pets are usually a least $200 pw out of our price range.

Plus once my partner turns 25 this year, and I next year, centrelink changes our payments from youth allowance student to Austudy. Which cuts about $100 from our pays (which is bloody ridiculous). So our price range will decline significantly. :kickingmyself:

 

[LoyalXenite]

Got my final exam tomorrow then holidays until August.

One more day.... One more day...

 

[LoyalXenite]

I did the best I could on the exam, I'd gotten stressed before it because the trains were really messed up and I worried that i would be too late for it (plus it was an exam). But I luckily made it with a few moments to spare. The exam consisted of defining, comparing and contrasting 5 pairs of words as well as writing 2 essays. Not fun but I did my best and thats all I can do.

Now however, I am on holidays. I actually got to sleep through the day today! and video games

Life is good until August

 

[LoyalXenite]

I was good on Thursday and I actually made a couple important phone calls, I have an appointment to try a new therapist as well as a medical appointment and am waiting back for a phone call to make another appointment with a psychiatrist.

3 phone calls in one day, and important ones too.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Urgh the woman who lives in the flat next to ours is having a party tonight .

Like her and the extra people she has living with her arent rude, inconsiderate and annoying enough. I now have to deal with the rest of their ******* friends and their unruly children running around past my door. I hate sharing a back yard.

Its gonna be ridiculously noisy all night and the idiot plans to light a fire, and its really windy. I hate the woman, She changed her name legally to Rainbow Glitter, she always has ridiculous colours in her hair and she is over 40. She is pathetic and rude and I cant stand her. And she has like 2 extra people living with her as well as her teenage son. they are messy and rude and noisy.

The other night they were smoking so much pot I had an asthma attack.Total *******s.

I hate living on shared property. Once it goes past midnight I am calling and making a noise complaint, coz they will start blaring music and the last time they had a party it went on past 6am the following day. ****ers.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Im gonna have to take my dog out to pee soon, I have to go out into their pathetic druggie party. Just the thought of going out there is stressing me out.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Im absolutely terrified right now. I think my old cat is dying, I dont know if she will survive the night. I dont know if its a stroke, a seizure, old age or something else. But she appears to have gone blind, and cant stand up, is very out of focus, incontinent. I found her lying on the floor about 3 hours ago there has been no change really, she perked up a little to drink some milk and appears to be comforted by our presence and is sleeping right now. She is bundled up and sleeping in the bed with my partner, there isnt much we can do aside from make her comfortable. Going to the vet is pointless, she is 21, so too old for any kind of surgery. Theres nothing that can be done for her at the vets really, they would just euthanize her. She might as well go at home warm and comfortable with us in her own time. She isnt in pain or distressed, just disoriented.

I've had her since I was 3 years old, practically all my life. I dont know how to exist without her, she was my first and my dearest friend. My only constant in a really shitty life.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Im checking her every 30 minutes just to make sure she is alive, otherwise all I can do is let her sleep. Hopefully she recovers come morning.

 

[MikeyC]

Our cat died after 21 years of life, too. I can understand how you feel losing what is essentially a family member.

Cats can be very resilient and come morning she can be back to full health. With any luck that's what will happen here.

 

[S_Spartan]

How is your cat doing now Loyal?

 

[LoyalXenite]

This morning, around 8am, my gorgeous old lady cat, Spoty, died of old age (21 years old). Over the last year she has been fighting against old age, last night her condition deteriorated and she passed this morning in bed. She fought til the end.

 

[S_Spartan]

Very sorry to hear that news.

I lost mine last fall.