Life Ramblings


Well-known member
My mother is doing a lot better this week so far, which is good. She had a follow-up with a cardiologist yesterday and they're scheduling her for a few tests, including a sleep test and stress test to see what exactly caused her afib and her blood pressure to rise so much. Right now they're leaning more towards suspecting sleep apnea. Apparently it's genetic on her mother's side which I didn't know. Which, again, makes me ask why in the world does she not bother getting frequent check-ups at the doctor because of her conditions and because of her genetics? I also found out she stopped taking her heart medication a while ago because "she no longer needed it" and she felt "fine" without it. She has had a lifelong heart murmur and has been on medication for it for about half of her life I believe. Why she decided she didn't need it I don't know. Makes me think that also may have contributed to her afib.

I just really hate that no one in my family can be bothered to take care of themselves. Because then when something goes wrong, it falls to me. Always me. I'm the "smart" one and the one who "notices everything." I know when something's not right and I apparently know how to make things right when things go wrong. It's so aggravating that my brother nor my father can be bothered to care for my mother the way she should be cared for. Hell they can't even be bothered to care for themselves and their bodies like they should be cared for. It's aggravating that they go to me like I'm some sort of expert in the health field. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nurse. I have some health knowledge, mostly nutritional, and probably a little more than the average person thanks to college, but that's it. And just because I'm a woman doesn't automatically define me as a caretaker. The day one of my parents dies is going to be a mess. I'm going to be the one doing all the work and arrangements, guaranteed.

In other news, my vacation for next week finally got approved, so I'll be having a week off starting next Sunday. I'm looking forward to it. Between what's been happening with my mom and what's been happening with covid again here -- it's starting to feel like 2020 all over again, ugh -- I've been feeling really burnt out and just plain depressed. I don't want to get up in the morning, I just want to lay around most of the day. I find myself putting on a face at work, and then feeling entirely drained by the time I get back to my car to head home. I've been trying to not be so gloomy while I'm at home either. I feel like because it's coming up to Mr. Phoenixx's last couple weeks at home before he heads back to work I want him to enjoy his time off still and not worry about me. So yeah, I feel drained. I desperately just want to be left alone to be moody for a little while.