Lied about having friends

Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
I stopped by the university cafe to eat a quick lunch right before class. Before I even take a bite of my food, some guy approaches me and asks if I can help him with a survey. For a moment, I thought to say "Um I'm eating lunch here," but instead I said I'd help. He asked generic questions like why I chose my major and school. The last (4th or 5th) question was what happened to my high school friends:confused:...I immediately lied and said that some came to my college and some went to other schools. I was scared I sounded defensive lol but tried to be nonchalant as possible...He thanked me and I finally got to eat.

I remember my freshman year, first semester, I didn't think it was at all weird to go to college without high school friends...Until this girl I was befriending* acted like I was a total weirdo for not knowing anyone from high school. :eek: Also around this time, another girl asked me flat out if I had friends. To this day I still have NO idea how she knew or what compelled her to ask. She tried to be nice and say "it's OK to say no" but I still felt almost invaded.


I know the survey guy probably wasn't targeting me, but it brought back uncomfortable memories. And reminded me how much of a weirdo I am, and how "social" people can sense all these things quickly.

*I'm a senior now and haven't hung out with that girl since freshman year.
 
Nooms

Nooms

Member
I think it is perfectly fine not to have friends left from high school. My experience is that my friends from my last year of high school kept in touch when everyone first started college/university/work, but soon everyone is so divided that it is not possible to stay in touch with everyone. And sometimes, it just can happen that you end up not having anyone left from high school anymore.

It's hard not to let people get to you, but just ask yourself if you yourself are okay with not having friends first. If you are perfectly comfortable with not having friends, try to ignore the nosy people out there asking about your private life.
 
Diend

Diend

Well-known member
I fought with the idea of publicizing how many close friends I had. I mean, how do you define "friend"? or "acquaintance"? I used to dread being asked the question of friendship because honestly I didn't really have "friends" but people who would float in and float out of my life. I'm not sure how to define "friend" since it's honestly, a very vague term. Can you call somebody decades older than you, a "friend"? The term needs to be defined.
 
Livemylife

Livemylife

Well-known member
Thanks for the responses.
I believe friends are people you do activities with in your leisure time. Or maybe even just people you chat with for fun.

I didn't mean having friends left. I mean I came to college on my own; no friends attended the college with me. A lot of students have the same friends in college that they did in high school. It's like they migrated together.
 
A

arovt

Member
Don't take it too hard not having many friends. Take it from me, I got SA but I am actually a fairly social person who goes out almost every week no matter how anxious I feel prior to meeting with my friends. It's my conscientious decision that I would rather F*** up in front of others every now and then by challenging myself than to sit in solitude and peace.

But to your post, I think that's just how life is for all people. If an anonymous survey asked all people in their 20s after college how many REAL friends they felt they had, I would approximate that 90-95% will say < 5. Anyone who is higher than 5 is probably kidding themselves or oblivious to other people's motives and behaviors. Friendship is one of those things that what you put in is often times what you get out. If you feel lonely, text / call / Facebook message a friend. Don't be satisfied with having no high school friends for example. The way I think about it is, who cares if that friend doesn't respond to your text or call or message? It's not your loss unless you're just a horribly boring or rude person to hang out with. When you are on your death bed one day, don't you want to assure yourself that you TRIED to make sense out of an insensitive world? That you tried to get along with others despite your biological problems holding you back? I tell myself this every day.
 
F

Fighter86

Well-known member
Normally I lie to work colleagues too about having friends, it usually works pretty well with people who do not try to look into my life too closely.
 
L

laure15

Well-known member
I lie about having friends too. I've seen people lie about it too, only to admit later they don't have anyone to sit with. The last thing you want is to have your classmates or work colleagues realize that you don't have friends, then you get the reputation of being a loner/antisocial freak.
 
N

nicole1

Well-known member
Just a question. I'm sorry, I hate that people here feel shamed of their lack of social skills. If you become comfortable with yourself, others will be more at ease. I have friends that accept me or understand. that's fine enough for me.

I remember a friend wanted me to lie to this girl about my social life when she asked. I asked why? I tend to be honest about these things.

To the point, DON'T be shamed of your social life and find some comfort in being yourself. Acceptance helps A LOT.
 
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