Left out?

[Etbow23]

Do you ever see certain individuals, not all, but some, who seem to not like you/want to talk to you then you see them talking to lots of other people at your job or whatever? What makes them *click* and what makes them not seem to like you? Like at first, you think they're shy like you, but then later you see them chatting with other people and not being shy at all? Like what makes them not want to talk to you?

I've noticed this with some people. It's hurtful. I'm not sure what makes me not attractive to some people. Some are nice and more inclusive, but others I just find snotty. Maybe I'm giving off a vibe or something. It's makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. I've noticed a couple of the new people at my job act this way, and they're usually the only ones working now, because where I work they hire constantly while cutting hours at the same time for everyone else.

I will say though that I don't have much in common with a lot of the young people at my job. I'm in college, and most of the ones that work as much as I do ...aren't. I don't know. The ones who are in college usually only work like once or twice a week, and I'm usually there throughout the week. I usually like it when there are older coworkers working, or one that I match better with. When there's two of the ones I'm talking about, it's almost like I'm not even there.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you with the people I work with. I'm older than most of the other people on my direct admin team and have little in common with them. All they talk about is going out partying, which is not my thing! The rest are medical providers who are pretty much all married with children or have a significant other, so again I have nothing in common with them. They all sit and talk about their kids or spouses, and I have nothing to say. It's not easy being the odd-ball! ::

 

[YellowBird]

i think that i'm giving off a vibe too or it's my face,especially in my country they say that some people are annoying just looking at and i assume i'm one of them.Sometimes i think about movies and how they always portray the quiet loner as someone who is dangerous and you should be suspicious of and i always think people are prejudice like that,maybe it's irrational thoughts,that's what my shrink says,but i know how society is..
Also,some people are very..theatrical,they see life like a stage,where they get on and try to impress people by over-defining their personalities,lack the fear that we have and like to 'play' with socializing,those people tend to be entertaining and those who are not that qualified like to hang out with them and admire them.Fiouf,well that's my theory,maybe it's more simple than that,i don't know.But i know how painful it is,and it's like a cycle,because we already feel bad for ourselves and when you attempt to get out there and beat sa and you get that treatment as if you are some sort of leper,it only adds to your self loathing.

 

[sullyS25]

I think this is all in your head....You assume they don't like like you but you don't know for sure unless you ask them and from what I see, you just gathered that conclusion because you don't see them talking to you at work. Maybe they just feel awkward talking to someone who is very shy. It has nothing to do with you.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think I know what you mean. I have been in situations where I have felt excluded many many times. I am shy, but I open up very easily if I sense people are inclusive, interested and friendly.... I have noticed in certain situations, people seem to be friendly and get along and talk to everyone else except for me.... and you are right...it is hurtful.

I have seen peoples expressions visibly drop to a look of disgust and contempt from a smile when they see me. :'-(

I dont understand it. I get so confused with people and how they connect. I am not sure if its intentional or what, but it does make you feel like there is something wrong with you, that you are unliked and worthless. I have theories.... but I cant conclude that they are correct... unless I go up to people who I feel dont like me for whatever reason and say "why dont you like me? You talk to everyone else except for me....you havent even bothered to know me... so why are you friendly with everyone but not me?"

Just imagine how that would go down... ostracized as a bigger wierdo than you already appear to be no doubt.

rant rant & so on...

 

[philly2bits]

Vibes.

At the same time the most important and most useless word for those of us who can't seem to make any friends.

The most important because, whether we like it or not, vibes are what draw us to each other. This fact is undeniable. A persons vibes are what either draw you to them or make you want nothing to do with them. The words you actually say have little to do with it.

And at the same time it's the most useless word because no one can describe what a vibe is. What really draws you to another? Not in a way that would give any help to anyone else. It's all too vague or given from a position where it's so fundamental to interaction the fact it can't be understood seems alien.

 

[YellowBird]

Vibes.

At the same time the most important and most useless word for those of us who can't seem to make any friends.

The most important because, whether we like it or not, vibes are what draw us to each other. This fact is undeniable. A persons vibes are what either draw you to them or make you want nothing to do with them. The words you actually say have little to do with it.

And at the same time it's the most useless word because no one can describe what a vibe is. What really draws you to another? Not in a way that would give any help to anyone else. It's all too vague or given from a position where it's so fundamental to interaction the fact it can't be understood seems alien.

How does that define us?If you drive people away from you,shouldn't that make you feel bad?

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Sometimes people just "click". There's nothing that anyone is doing right or wrong, it just happens. Sometimes things just don't click with people.

I have met people before that I can just talk non stop with, it's rare but it happens. Even if it's only online. Some people there is just no talking and with others it just flows so naturally.

There were two girls in my Spanish class who sat next to each other. After the first day they were practically best friends. They just connected right away, they got along so well. It's just one of those things.

I feel like I am going to keep repeating myself haha. But I wouldn't let it bother you. It's not anything you are doing wrong and it isn't that people just don't like you. I think it's a lot more difficult for shy and anxious people to open up, so it's harder to find those people that you connect with. It is frustrating when you see people who don't talk a lot with you talk a lot with others, but it's not because they don't like you, or that they don't want to talk to you, it's just that there's no click.

 

[KiaKaha]

*vibes

Never understood that one. Like a force that cant be described. People have told me that my problem is "vibes"

I may not be much but one thing that I like about myself is that I give everyone a chance and at least try to make everyone feel welcome and included, despite being shy.
Its just a nice thing to do... its not often reciprocated with me though. Being left out... is not a good feeling.

 

[Shyangel]

I get that feeling with everyone I meet. I truly feel like no body likes me and never will.
I know it's just me being paranoid but you gotta wonder when nobody wants to be friend with you. Hopefully I get over these negative thoughts.

 

[MikeyC]

I have seen peoples expressions visibly drop to a look of disgust and contempt from a smile when they see me. :'-(

I will never understand this.

I get that feeling with everyone I meet. I truly feel like no buddy likes me and never will.

I like you.

 

[Shyangel]

I will never understand this.


I like you.

Thanks, Mikey.

 

[Etbow23]

I guess a lot of times it is delusion...is that a symptom of social phobia? To constantly think people don't like you when they either don't care/or actually do?

But there are a few people who DO pointedly ignore me, while others who are friendly/open with me at least and acknowledge me. I'm wondering why the ones who ignore me do that.

 

[9407]

I felt like that with my old group of acquaintances around 3 years ago. They never invited me out on weekends, and didn't even want to hang out with me at lunch. Out of 4 of them I only liked one. I haven't talked to any of them in about 2 years and I say good riddance. I'd rather have no friends/acquaintances than bad ones.