**** just blew up in my face, need to vent

[forksandspoons]

I haven't posted here in a while, but I really don't know where else to go.

Ive had the same job on a golf course for the past 5 years. I contacted my boss (who is usually a very nice person) 3 weeks ago, and asked to get back on the schedule. He told me that he would try to "squeeze me in, and get me back in the summer".

I had not heard anything from him, so I called him up again today, and he got angry, which is very uncharacteristic of him. He told me that I was annoying him with my persistence and that he would get me back. I protested, that it has been 3 weeks and I would like some sort of time frame that is not vague like "summer"

Then he went off. He told me that I gave the middle finger to a 9 year old kid two years ago. My jaw literally dropped. I was stunned. I denied it. He said that he saw it happen. (Honestly, it didn't, I'd have no reason to lie here) The worst part, is that he told me that members have complained that they don't feel comfortable approaching me.

As a person with SA, I have very hard days there were I just try to blend in to the walls and avoid everyone altogether. I certainly have a hard time approaching any of them. Of course no one knows or understands this.

I called him back. He told me again that I flipped off a 9 year old, but this time he said the kid came to him in the pro shop and told him. LIAR!

He also complained about a "fight" I had with my superior a few years ago. Long story short, I was given a cash tip, my superior told me to give it to him. I asked why. He flipped out and started screaming at me about being disrespectful. This guy is notorious for being a MAJOR *******, but people like him because hes funny. So they sided with him and blamed me.

So basically, they all hate me and think I am an evil person, which is totally false. I pride myself on being a good person. Females often see me as the "nice guy". I always try to treat people right. It hurts to know that there is a group out there that thinks Im an evil child hating monster that fights with co-workers because of rumors and gossip going around behind my back for 2 years without ANYONE SAYING ANYTHING. Not exactly what I need for my low self esteem.

This is one of the few places I had left where I felt I belonged, or was accepted, which is why I am so upset.

 

[mmmm]

Good. I'm glad those crappy people don't want you working there. I don't want you working there either. This is a perfect opportunity to start fresh at a place where they have class.

 

[MollyBeGood]

sorry that happened to you. Sounds like they are not treating you with any respect.

 

[Newtype]

How do you control yourself? If someone treated me like that, I would've scared his shadow away a long time ago.

 

[tucktick]

If people don't treat you with respect, show them your middle finger and move on. Our time is limited, so spend it with people that like you. I know it's hard for people like us, especially in western society, but be strong and keep your head up, there is always something better.

 

[krs2snow]

I despise comments like the one above. Bcuz these types of comments futher seperate pple from one another. Its part of the problem. I think a major part of Social Anxiety is rooted in seperation from others and to say things like People like "US"only serves to make us different from the rest of society. All this type of thought processs does is further seperate us from others. It shouldn't be "pple like us" it should just simply be "Life is difficult" or "It can be hard" or "I know its not easy". I refuse to believe that "WE" as a collective part of society are any different than those surrounding us. There is no norm. We are all part of the norm and so I hate hearing pple use terminology that makes us define "us" as something seperate from normal. U have different concerns, granted, but U are NO different than anyone else. I think we need to accept that fact. B-cuz it is a fact. Then, to get back on point- if everyone around u is telling u the same message... it should be a clear indicator for u to listen to what is being said and try to understand where/why it's coming from. Even if u don't agree. People usually don't just make up blatant LIES about someone else. There usually is some component of truth to what they are saying. Look for that element of truth and try to see ur contribution to the situation. Then, stop seeing urself as "someone different" and start acting like an active part of the situation. Because u are.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I fel bad that this manager treated you this way and don't want you back although you been there for many years. Maybe this will give you the opportunity to try something different and meet some new people. People that respect you that is.

 

[forksandspoons]

Well, he said hell still take me back. Now I know where I stand. I do plan on quitting though.

Hate that I wasted my time there. I covered countless amounts of shifts for people who skipped or were sick on short notice. I was led to believe that this would get me somewhere. It ended up that I was being used and jerked around for years. You don't lead someone on like that through years of their youth. Not cool. Not at all.

krs2snow...

"if everyone around u is telling u the same message... it should be a clear indicator for u to listen to what is being said and try to understand where/why it's coming from. Even if u don't agree." -- Its mostly just my boss. I rarely if ever work directly with him, so he only came to this conclusion through hearsay. I get along fine with my other coworkers, including the guy I mentioned the fight about. We shook hands afterwords and moved on.

"People usually don't just make up blatant LIES about someone else. There usually is some component of truth to what they are saying. Look for that element of truth and try to see ur contribution to the situation." -- How can I dispute the finger incident YEARS after the moment happened? I don't know what was misconstrued as a middle finger, but allegedly, I gave the finger to a 9 year old when I was on the range cart (the ball picker machine) 100+ yards away through a cage. Maybe I was scratching an itch, yawning, answering my phone. IDK, all I know is I gave nobody a finger, but my boss didn't even take the courtesy to confront me about it. Its gutless, a complete lack of integrity, and I have no respect for him for that.

 

[krs2snow]

You posted that ur boss told u members don't feel comfortable approaching you. Did u believe ur boss when he said this? Or did it feel to you like he (your boss) was fabricating this statement? Are members comfortable approaching you? I can tell u from experience, if ur not comfortable in an interaction- the pple ur interacting with will likely not be comfortable either. We love to tell ourselves that we're so seperate from everyone around us. When we're talking to others we think to ourselves "I am me. You are u. This interaction doesn't matter because You don't know me". The truth is that we are all connected. If u are saying that u had hard days at this job, days where u found it difficult to interact w/pple and, to quote u, days where u " just try to blend in to the walls and avoid everyone altogether. and "I certainly have a hard time approaching any of them. Of course no one knows or understands this" then u're saying that U are contributing to ur problem. The pple around u do have an idea of what ur going through and that u found it hard at times to approach others because they found it hard to approach u, too. And thats the feedback ur boss has provided u with. Think about it. I am not Unaccepting of you as a person. I accept you. But I will not fill u with bs about how "awful" everyone - ur boss - has treated u. U were an active part of what went on (and is going on in your life). You were there- and still are. This didn't just happen to u. U played a part in it. As does everyone who suffers from Social Anxiety. This disorder is the biggest excuse that I've ever seen! I'm Unaccepting of pple with SA insisting that they are so different from everyone else and therefore have no responsibility for what goes on in their lives. Of course we have responsibility and ownership in what goes on. We're not victims of this disorder we're survivors of it and we survive it by taking ownership in our own personal contribution to the condition and the quality of our lives.