Just another journal

[jaim38]

My first journal

 

[welder]

Cars and trucks always seem to have something go wrong at the worst times, like getting a flat on the freeway.:thumbdown: That actually is one of the biggest things that causes me anxiety while driving, is having my truck break down and everybody looking at me. On the drive through thing, I probably would have just driven off ::

 

[jaim38]

Cars and trucks always seem to have something go wrong at the worst times, like getting a flat on the freeway.:thumbdown: That actually is one of the biggest things that causes me anxiety while driving, is having my truck break down and everybody looking at me. On the drive through thing, I probably would have just driven off ::

Yeah, thank God no one got hurt. The drive thru thing was just weird. I'm pretty sure we got weird stares.

 

[jaim38]

When you hear someone tell a fib, what would you do? Would you outright tell someone, "you're lying" and embarass that person in front of others?

Growing up, I've been taught by my dad to be nice. He told me, "when you hear someone telling an exxageration aka fib, just play along. Let them have their moment." He also said, "don't dislike/hate/blame a person just because of a fib. Everyone has flaws." He's basically saying forgive and play nice. Sometimes I hear my mom lying through her teeth and I want to correct her so she would then tell me, "Don't interrupt the convo when I'm talking."

I can tolerate lying if it's harmless, or done for good purposes. White lies are ok. Everybody does it, including me. This is different from lies that harm people, such as spreading untruth rumors about other people.

 

[jaim38]

Entrapped! When Craigslist predator stings go too far | Ars Technica

This is appalling! I remember a while back, I heard of a case of an 18 years old high school senior who was lured into selling marijuana. Some undercover cop (in her late 20s) posed as a high school girl and seduced him with the intention of getting him to sell drugs. Do these people even have morals?

This whole thing reminds me of the Tom Cruise movie Minority Report. People are arrested for crimes that they have not committed, just because some precogs have the ability to see the future that may or may not happen.

 

[jaim38]

I was watching this drama and almost teared up. This girl said her relatives didn't like her but her grandma refuted her. When her grandma started showing her all the pictures that were secretly taken of her, which were kept in an album, the girl started crying. She finally realized she had a relative that truly cared for her.

It was one of those rare moments in drama that made me tear up. Usually I think the drama was either too cheesy or look so fake I just laughed. But this one's different, maybe? Or maybe it's just me, because I have issues with relatives.

 

[jaim38]

Ok fine, nursing homes are great!!! I bet it's every elderly person's dream to live there! After all there's bingo and so many games to play!

 

[jaim38]

I mentioned before I want to go into IT but have some concerns. First is I am not a tech genius. I'm don't possess incredible hacking skills or great programming skills. I'm just your average coder. I can program in various languages but I'm neither brilliant or creative at it. Second, I can't afford to buy many tech devices, which means I can't keep up with the latest tech. IT pros are supposed buy and try the latest and coolest gagdets, or at least have a good grasp of them. I have an geeky tech friend who owns 4-5 computers at one time, and that's because he's rich. His family could afford high speed wireless and stuff. On the other hand, I have 1-2 computers that I can call my own. I don't own a smartphone (never used one) and have 0 experience with developing apps for Android and iOS. How am I supposed to be an IT pro if I can't afford the essential devices?

The thing that kinda bothers me is that I am not an expert in anything. Not in biology, chemistry, math, art, music, social skills, or IT. I don't have deep expert knowledge in anything. I know the basics of everything, but I am master of none. Which leads to the question: should I go into IT, or find a compromise such as business ****ysis? But business ****ysis requires strong soft skills, which I currently lack.

 

[jc972]

It's funny that my major is IT related but I can't even afford to experiment with the various IT techs. I have never used a smartphone, and have to resort to using free texting online. I also have Office 2007 but my teammates are using 2010 or higher, so when we do reports, sometimes I see screwed up formatting with my version. I tried using Office web apps online but the functionalities are limited. How ironic huh? IT pros are supposed to further their careers but investing in new techs.

If I was like my former classmate, who was born to a financially well-off family, I might be able to start on the journey towards becoming an IT pro. Last time he told me he has 4-7 laptops/desktops and various video games. His house uses high speed wifi. 4-5 years ago when I told him I use a modem to connect to the net, he laughed at me and said something like, "you're still using dial up?" It was embarassing.

I have wi fi but I don't even know how to turn a smartphone on. It takes money to be in the loop with technology. In my case I find what works for me and stick with it, like my cell phone from 2008.

 

[jaim38]

I'm confused. Last Saturday, I met 2 people who spoke negatively about me. It was a guy and the girl. The girl, I remember very clearly, but the guy was a total mystery. I saw him before that day and I could have sworn he was skinnier and geekier-looking. I don't remember him being a hunk. What's going on? Are my memories messed up?

 

[jaim38]

I don't want to be a doctor, for various reasons. First, superb social skills is required, which I severely lack. Secondly, doctors are excellent at showing their emotions to patients, but i suck at this. When I'm happy I don't show it. WHen I'm sad, same thing. I don't know how to show my emotions. I can feel so much empathy in my heart, but outside i look like a still rock.

 

[Biev]

Why don't you just use a free version like Open Office or Neo Office? They work just as well.

 

[jc972]

Next topic: It really disturbs me when people try to impose their beliefs on others. Everyone has the right to believe in what they want. Some people believe in God, others don't, so what? It's none of our business. There are people who predict the end of the world and they get ridiculed, lambasted for it. But, don't these people have the freedom of expression to say and believe what they want? People can take it or leave it.

That's been running rampant lately, it seems. As long as there are humans there will be ridicule over beliefs. I don't like it, but no one man or woman can stop it, unfortunately.

 

[jaim38]

Feeling kind of bad this morning, as I just woke up from a strange nightmare. But one thing that helped was reaffirming my faith in God. It helped bring some comfort and stability in my confusing life.

 

[jaim38]

I am still angry at my mom. I hope she can taste the wratch from my brother - then she'll know how I feel.

 

[jc972]

So yesterday I had a scuffle with my brother. I didn't fight back against him, just let him punch himself out with his threats and whatnot. I silently agreed and just let it go. To people outside of the family, they're probably very shocked to hear that my brother is abusive, because he comes off as very quiet and such a nice guy on the outside. People usually think I'm the one who's bossing him around, for some reason, maybe because I'm the older sister.

People think I'm a coward that I don't even bother fighting back against him. They tell me to argue, tell my parents about it, etc. But nothing helps. I've tried every peaceful approach I could think of, but nothing ever works. When he bullies me I tried telling him, "I pay the internet bill" and he'll say "no you don't. That's dad's money" - which is true. I also tried telling him, "you are not king of the house. Dad owns it" but he doesn't give a f*ck because he knows that once dad's gone to work, he's the boss.

Telling my parents doesn't ever work. Maybe temporarily, he gets spanked and whatnot. But once my dad's gone off to work, he's quick to assume control and punish me. Even my mom's kinda scared of him.

I'm telling ya, my brother is NO ordinary brother. It's not some light teasing that he's doing to me and my mom. He's also nuts, as in crazy. He told my mom to tape aluminum foil on the walls. There used to be paper all over the mirror, until my cousin came for several days so he forced me to help him take it down. My mom listens to him on almost everything, never really doubts him. He comes up with neighbor spying theories that my mom believes, no questions asked. My mom is dense enough to believe what cr*p he tells her.

It's extremely hard to win a single argument against him. I've lived with him for so many years, and out of the thousands of arguments, I won maybe 1%. He just has to have it his way, on everything within his control. He likes to interrupt me a lot. Sometimes, I was in the middle of making my point but then he cuts me off like no tomorrow and says I'm wrong. Just like that. It's not even an argument, because I couldn't even argue my case. He wants me to make me aknowledge that he's right, then come up with ways to punish me, like charging me $100 for coming into his room. Despite the fact that he prides himself on being a math genius, I think he doesn't realize how irrational he could be.

BBC News - The unwinnable game

The unwinnable game.

Just out of curiosity, does your dad try to make him mind? It'd be bad news bears if one of my boys did that to my daughter, or vice versa. It would not be a good day. Why don't your mother remind him that she's the parent, he's the child, do what she says, end of story. I'm baffled by this.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

Errr... does your brother have some mental issues? Like does he need therapy or something? Either he's just way too spoiled or he really needs some medical help.

 

[jaim38]

^Yeah I think he needs help but he's in deep denial. The mere suggestion of social anxiety, paranoia, etc annoys him. After attempts of bringing up his issues with no success, I gave up.

I've experienced sibling bullying for over 20 years. I think it's one of the reasons why I'm so afraid of confrontation, and why I can't stand up to people.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

That's tough coz you can't force him unless he becomes too destructive so the authority can restrain him. I think it's a combination of your mom's toleration, your dad's not being there all the time and his mental issues that caused that personality havoc.

 

[jaim38]

Yesterday I was listening to this song with the lyrics "the most beautiful..." And then I watched an episode of a series where several female characters were competing to be the "most beautiful", with a ghost hovering over them. Freaky. I went to bed last night feeling a bit frightened and I thought I heard some ghoulish voice whispering in my ear but after praying, it felt better.