Jumping straight into forum

C

Corgisarecute

New member
Hello,

This is my first post. I have had a little read but am a little overwhelmed with all the posts.

The reason I've found myself here is that I hope I can find some answers to my social problems, or at least someone to talk with.

I don't think I am classically shy, I don't find it hard to approach a person generally (although I do have a problem with approaching a group). I really struggle with being able to maintain a conversation because I lack skills in that area.

What is really hard for me is that people seem to give up on me. People are happy to chat to me at the beginning, but then they seem to work out that I'm incredibly boring and avoid me.

I don't feel I can approach someone and say "hey, do you mind telling me what it is that I do that makes people want to avoid me?", but I don't know how else I will get this information. If I did get the nerve I'd probably start crying or something while saying it and just sound pathetic.

Thanks for any input.::eek::
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Hello, and welcome to the forum.

It's pretty hard to guess at what the problem might be without a lot more information, I'm afraid.
 
arkane

arkane

Member
hi and welcome!
i am not classically shy either, i can approach people but my problems also lay in keeping up conversation, and especially in getting close to someone. like, i have no problem making an acquaintance but i am clueless when i want to actually befriend said person. i too worry about coming off as boring and i know that's because i am sometimes too shy to be myself when talking for fear of being judged, so i just kinda shut myself off to feel safe...
 
C

Corgisarecute

New member
Hi and thanks for the welcome.

Yep, I guess it is pretty hard to work out the problem without more information - that is the issue because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Pretty impossible to pick up from a forum as well, but hopefully through reading others' posts etc I will start picking up ideas.

I'm thinking I probably am not terribly interesting! But, then again I'm not convinced people need to be all that interesting to be able to connect with others, I mean, we're all people, surely there have to be plenty of points of contact.

Thanks, arkane, it's nice that you can relate to me a little.

Dottie, I HAD a corgi, he has now died. Although our new dog seems to have corgi in her as do a lot of the mongrels around town, I think there must be a rogue corgi being very busy around here.
 
bluemoonrising

bluemoonrising

Active member
I have had similar problems. The thing to remember is, the people who don't give up on you, or after a few weeks make an unfair judgement that you are boring, those are the people who are true friends. No one is interesting all of the time, we all have our off days, when we don't feel like being entertaining.

In my opinion its judgemental and wrong to label someone you don't really know as boring. There's always so much more to a person then what you see or hear.
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
Welcome.

How do you know they are avoiding? Could it be the other way round?

Conversations: Listen for cues, act upon them. Try not to worry too much about talking about your self. Or how a conversation is supposed to be. Or how to start one. Think, instead, just people talking.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
i had one of these Corgis when i was a kid:

toys_chitty_full.jpg
 
Surrogate

Surrogate

Active member
Hey.. just thought I'd drop by and say a few words too.

You're not alone (pretty much said by the 'slogan' of this forum, haha) in this situation. I can relate with you pretty well, based on the things you've said in your post. I find myself unable to approach groups too, but that's just normal for everyone.

I often find myself having not much to say either. In these situations, I would just ignore it and strike up a conversation somewhere else. I mean, if you have nothing good to say, why bother trying to make something up? It's going to end akwardly either way, so just save your breath. Also, try not to think of what the 'appropriate' response would be, and just respond. Everything you talk about is appropriate and interesting, and there will be people who want to hear it.

As a response on how to tell what people think of you.. there isn't much you can do but observe their sentiments towards you, or pick up subtle things. I don't know if you have facebook or not, but I often see friends posting "like this post and I'll say xx about you, or xx I like about you/hate about you.". You can try these and they might give you some critique about what you're good at, or can improve on. Another hot topic I've seen for my age (I'm currently in high school) is something called a "formspring" (Formspring), where you can get anonymous questions asked, from anyone, about anything (usually the silly, sick-minded things here though haha). Sorry if these weren't enough, as I'm not an expert or anything ::p:

To those that were asking, I am a bit wary of my self image, and yes I do consider myself to be "not that interesting", however I'm always open to everything anyone wants to talk about, and I'm learning something new every day ;) (Hey, I found this forum after all, didn't I?).

I actually read this post yesterday and decided to sign up on this forum because of it! Be proud you got me to join this forum! Haha, you're not that 'un-interesting' after all; In fact, your post looks pretty normal and positive to me. I waited a day for the administrators to add me "officially", but this is also my 'intro post'.

Looking forward to hearing all the thoughts around here! (PS, I chose this name based on a movie I've never even seen. Thought the name would be pretty appropriate here, though.)
 
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