Journey of Jazz

[PerseverareJasmine]

My dad is really good at cooking. He came over to visit earlier and made jumbo pasta shells stuffed with turkey hamburger meat, cream cheese, diced tomatoes, bacon bits, and he covered them with three cheese spaghetti sauce and shredded mozzarella cheese. Mmm, so, so good.

Around 3 p.m., two guys had to come over to the house to fix our sink in the kitchen that had not been draining right for a while. Situations like that always make me feel nervous, especially because I was alone in the house when they came. I felt self-conscious explaining to them what was wrong with the sink, answering their questions, and making eye contact with them. I'm just glad it was over with fairly quickly.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I always get this feeling that I have this hole that needs to be filled, like something is missing. I have no idea what will fill the hole though. It can get aggravating.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I never thought it would get to this point. I'm sick of it. Just so, so sick of it. My blood is boiling. I feel like breaking something and screaming out with anger. I'm so frustrated.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

If i die young-The Band Perry (LYRICS) - YouTube

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I'm starting to feel a bit more calm now. I listened to some music, took some deep breaths, and drank two cups of coconut milk. My mind seems to like spiraling out of control on me, and it makes me not think of things logically sometimes. It takes a lot of effort to get my thoughts back into somewhat of a controlled fashion.

I was reading that thread on this forum about why certain people think that a relationship could make them happy. I do agree with those who said that it can't make someone truly happy if they are not happy with themselves, to a certain degree, but I do have to admit that being in one someday would be nice. I can't get the warmth of the idea out of my head. To know that you're wanted by someone, and that they care for you and love you seems like something magical to me.

I found out a few days ago that the reason my sister broke up with her boyfriend is because he cheated on her. I felt awful when she told me. My family has never been good at showing our affection towards each other physically, but I wish I could have given her a big hug. I couldn't hug her though, because she is in San Antonio. I really do despise when people cheat. Like I said, the thought of having someone who loves you and who you open your heart to knowing you could be hurt is so amazing to me, and for someone to break that trust seems like one of the worst things a person could do. I'd be devastated if it ever happens to me, especially because I already have issues trusting people.

I sometimes think that if I had a boyfriend, I might get on his nerves at times because of how quiet I am, and because I may not want to go out that often, but the one thing I do know is that I would be loyal. The fact that I would even have someone think of me that way, someone who wants to be with me, would seem like a miracle to me, and I would never want to hurt him by cheating.

 

[SoScared]

^I read that thread this morning as well. I enjoyed it. It was a good read and thought provoking. It kind of set me up for the day.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

^I read that thread this morning as well. I enjoyed it. It was a good read and thought provoking. It kind of set me up for the day.

Yeah, I think its interesting to see how there are many varying opinions on the subject. A lot of the people who posted there brought up points that I hadn't thought of before.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I wouldn't feel bad about watching Disney movies. They are rockin.

Yeah, a lot of them are. I would make a sort of "sing along by myself" event out of it, but its 2:56 in the morning here, and my mom is trying to sleep, so its not a good idea. I'll just watch them without singing, or maybe I'll lip sync. I know most Disney songs by heart.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

Oh my impressive. Yeah wouldn't want to wake her up.

Yeah, she'd be very ticked off if I did. She doesn't like me staying up this late anyway.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I nearly fell and busted my butt in the shower earlier today. I always do a little dancing in the shower, but I'm careful not to make my movements exaggerated so that I won't fall. Earlier I made the mistake of spinning a bit too fast, and my foot slipped and I started to fall, but I caught myself by landing with my hands on the side of the tub. I guess its another example of how un-smooth I am h:.

Well, I'm going to go watch Disney movies like I said I was going to. Let the lip syncing begin. I'm actually kind of looking forward to doing this.

I want to say something more, but I'm holding back out of fear, as usual. Goodbye for now diary.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I just finished eating dinner. I had an alfredo that had chicken, shrimp, squash, and broccoli in it. It was pretty good.

I've been listening to some Coldplay songs. I know some people can't stand them, but I like a lot of their songs.

Coldplay - Magic (Official audio) - YouTube

Coldplay - Violet Hill Lyrics - YouTube

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I feel like having something cold to eat, maybe a cherry cheesecake blizzard.

I also feel like I need to do something to settle my nerves. I know what's been making me feel a bit on edge, but I've been keeping it locked inside.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I don't understand. Why hide something like that away? I'm surprised. I really had no idea. I'm not sure what to do about it though, maybe I should leave the situation unresolved. . The thought of confronting it is too nerve-wracking for me. I may just be jumping to conclusions anyway, how do I know for sure?

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I woke up from a long nap a little while ago. My dog woke me up quite early this morning, around seven, so I fed him and gave him water, played with him for a while, then came inside to watch a bit of television. I went back to bed at about 8 a.m. and woke up at 1 p.m.

I've realized that I sometimes let my curiosity get the best of me. I should probably learn to control it.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

The Strokes - I'll try anything once - YouTube

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

The Zombies - She's Not There - YouTube

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I made a big roast beef sandwich with tomatoes, cheddar cheese, lettuce, mayo, pickles, and a drizzle of red wine vinaigrette on it.....and I just got done picking it up off the floor and cleaning the carpet mg:. I hate making food and then dropping it. I wish I weren't so clumsy.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

The same two men who came to fix our kitchen sink are coming to fix my dad's old sink in my mom's bathroom tomorrow. I'll be alone again, so I already know I'm going to feel nervous again. Hopefully it will go by fast like last time.

I always feel a twinge of sadness when I have to say things like "my dad's old sink" or "my dad's old closet". I know that my parents have been divorced for a long time now, but I still miss the time when they were still together.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

Its been extremely hot here today. Rain, please come back. I'm on the verge of doing a rain dance. I've always hated hot weather. I should be used to it because I've lived in Texas for so long, but I'm not. I always feel like stripping down and eating about a dozen popsicles.

 

[bguimaraes]

Just nice songs over here!