I've never tried.

[3lefts]

My mom said something to me when I was younger. It was as if she wrote it on a piece of paper and glued it with super glue to my brain because if hasn't let since, and I can't stop thinking about it lately.
Is it easier for you to fail now without trying, then to try your hardest and fail in the end?
I don't know how to get over this fear of not being good enough, and I'm about to lose the best chance I have, at the life I want to live, because I'm afraid I'll fail.
I've never tried.
I can't get myself to. It's like writer's block. Just this mental block. Nothing motivates, nothing ignites, nothing triggers. No life, no desire. Living separate from what I want. I know I want it, I know I want it because I'm just as terrified to lose it. Yet, that causes no drive. No life. I have no life. My life has been hope. If I lose this, I will be nothing. I feel so stupid. Such a simple thing to overcome and yet it disables me. I shutdown. Incapable.
Where is my fight?

 

[Pacific_Loner]

It's hard when you try as hard as you can and still fail, but I think it still feels better than failing by not trying.
If you fail because you don't try, you are just like a dead stone. When failing after trying hard, you still gain something in the end.

 

[kihira]

Know that where you are, right now, is ok, you don't need to be somewhere else to be worthwhile, you already are. You are good enough right now.

Think of challenges as exploration, just do it to see where it goes, not as a win/fail thing. If you find yourself on the wrong path, backtrack and take another.

Always do things for yourself, remove thoughts of pleasing parents. Eventually it will be just you, so look after that future self.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Phocas is always right. Even if you fail at one big thing you attempt to do, there is a lot of smaller things, or maybe even bigger things, that you succeed to do on a daily basis (according to your other posts anyway). Keep these in mind as you attempt to bigger and harder things, for they will keep yourself from taking all this too seriously, and they will softer your fall if you fail.
Again, this is just an opinion. I might think it doesn't make sense in 6 months.

 

[kihira]

Phocas is always right.

lol! if only...

 

[Hastings & Main]

I know the feeling.
I've pushed and tried many things and gone past them, succeeded, failed, learned..
But there's just those few times that you mentioned are like writer's block & that's exactly how it feels! A maddening frustration.
Everyone gets that feeling when they're about to do something hard that they've never done, just an instant or a few seconds of adrenaline or an inside feeling without a name to it... but that feeling gets knocked out dead or doesn't even come at all when we need it. It's weird.
I think what we need is somebody there with us to help push us through.
Like some kind of "Do It." police that force us to face these things!

 

[StupidWiz]

My mom said something to me when I was younger. It was as if she wrote it on a piece of paper and glued it with super glue to my brain because if hasn't let since, and I can't stop thinking about it lately.
Is it easier for you to fail now without trying, then to try your hardest and fail in the end?
I don't know how to get over this fear of not being good enough, and I'm about to lose the best chance I have, at the life I want to live, because I'm afraid I'll fail.
I've never tried.
I can't get myself to. It's like writer's block. Just this mental block. Nothing motivates, nothing ignites, nothing triggers. No life, no desire. Living separate from what I want. I know I want it, I know I want it because I'm just as terrified to lose it. Yet, that causes no drive. No life. I have no life. My life has been hope. If I lose this, I will be nothing. I feel so stupid. Such a simple thing to overcome and yet it disables me. I shutdown. Incapable.
Where is my fight?

Yes! this is what I'm going through right now, very well said op.

I can only assume this is caused by the lack of appreciation toward something that we did in the past. It was just not good enough for some people (mother in my case) so after that why even bother trying hard? when in the end you're gonna end up failing anyway... Hell, why even bother to start doing things in the first place when we know it's not going to be appreciated as it deserved?

That causes no drive, no ambition in life... well at least for me.

 

[3lefts]

Phocas is always right. Even if you fail at one big thing you attempt to do, there is a lot of smaller things, or maybe even bigger things, that you succeed to do on a daily basis (according to your other posts anyway). Keep these in mind as you attempt to bigger and harder things, for they will keep yourself from taking all this too seriously, and they will softer your fall if you fail.
Again, this is just an opinion. I might think it doesn't make sense in 6 months.

Yes, I think you are both very right. Perhaps I'm stressing myself too much over it. I just react against my greater logic sometimes... when it comes to what matters most, I don't know what I'm doing. Am I getting there slowly, or am I slowly trying to find a way out?

 

[Kiwong]

While I have been battling with my health problems over the last few years, I have come up with three what I call mantras:

Keep throwing yourself at the world even though it is hard, because every now and then you break through, and experience brilliant days

Fight with all you can to hold open the windows that bring inspiration and hope into your life.

Sometimes the things you have to work hardest for bring the greatest sense of achievment.

I have also heard messages from others:

One day you will wake up and it will be better.

At times I have had to fight and have won, I have found that these messages that come from within myself of from others make perfect sense. And if you fight hard enough they can come true, depsite the negative voices trying drown them out.

I lived a 'beige' existance for a long time, but serious health problems caused me to fight, to try so hard. I suppose it was neccessity, but because of the battles I have won, I have lived the best of days my life. Unexpected days that lifted me to levels of happiness, hope and inspiration I have never know, depsite the melancholy spoilt sport that lives in the back of my mind.

 

[kihira]

Fight with all you can to hold open the windows that bring inspiration and hope into your life.

I really need this at the moment, I can use this against my 'groundhog day' mental state, thanks

 

[Feathers]

Parents can say stupid things. While meaning well. (And forget all about it!!)

There are also some 'truths universally acknowledged' (I was just thinking about this today lol):

You will never really please your parents. (if they are anything like mine) Think about it. How could you? Always? You are your own person. It's impossible you'd wish the exact same things all the time. And that's okay. Sometimes you may have better ideas, sometimes you may learn from them.
The sooner you accept it, the better.

Sometimes they will delight over the oddest things too. (Like you doing the dishes or such. Like you sent a rocket to the moon or something.) They may have different values and criteria for happiness or you being a good person. Bless'em... They mean well, most likely, sometimes they may just not have a clue...

You will never understand why they did some of the things they did, and maybe it's better that way. (Maybe if you ask'em, they'll tell you too.. It may be surprising.. And you may not like it either..) Parents are people with own flaws, fears, challenges and learning lessons too.. We are some of their learning lessons too..

Your parents may be neurotic. (again, if they are anything like mine) And may have 'unreasonable expectations'. (From you, Life, and Universe.) They may hold on to 'yesterday's' view of the world, that was accurate when they were young. You are one of the children of tomorrow.. Life is changing, the world is changing, there are no certainties.. except constant change..

Remember some millionaires were made in the biggest crisis. So don't believe everything you hear. Problems can be opportunities. Or blessings in disguise.

If you fail, fail brilliantly - you can still be a GOOD EXAMPLE of how not to do things, for example. Remember how Einstein or-who-was-it failed 10.000 times to make a light bulb finally (or something like that)? You think it was worth it?
If he just sat down after 1st try...?

I like this quote: everything worth doing is worth doing BADLY!!
Don Green tells his clients to paint so-and-so many BAD paintings first! Fight your Fear & Win is a really good book. Check it out. There are some other cool books with inspiration too..
And some people on writing forums even make a goal of getting so-and-so many rejection letters in a year/month - this can really work!

Accept you have bad days, good days will come again too.

You can do EFT, TAT and CBT over the words or any deeds your parents did... Eventually, it's best to go your own path, and well, to move away as soon as you can. I made the mistake of coming back home after uni, and well, it's been stressful... We got along much better when I just wasn't home, I was more relaxed and life was easier... (I was stressing out sometimes too, but I didn't have to stress out over parents stressing out over me lol..)

You are still young and have A LOT of time still ahead of you!!
What is it you want to do?

 

[StupidWiz]

While I have been battling with my health problems over the last few years, I have come up with three what I call mantras:

Keep throwing yourself at the world even though it is hard, because every now and then you break through, and experience brilliant days

Fight with all you can to hold open the windows that bring inspiration and hope into your life.

Sometimes the things you have to work hardest for bring the greatest sense of achievment.

I have also heard messages from others:

One day you will wake up and it will be better.

At times I have had to fight and have won, I have found that these messages that come from within myself of from others make perfect sense. And if you fight hard enough they can come true, depsite the negative voices trying drown them out.

I lived a 'beige' existance for a long time, but serious health problems caused me to fight, to try so hard. I suppose it was neccessity, but because of the battles I have won, I have lived the best of days my life. Unexpected days that lifted me to levels of happiness, hope and inspiration I have never know, depsite the melancholy spoilt sport that lives in the back of my mind.

I'm sorry to hear about your health problem, keep on fighting!

 

[StupidWiz]

Parents can say stupid things. While meaning well. (And forget all about it!!)

There are also some 'truths universally acknowledged' (I was just thinking about this today lol):

You will never really please your parents. (if they are anything like mine) Think about it. How could you? Always? You are your own person. It's impossible you'd wish the exact same things all the time. And that's okay. Sometimes you may have better ideas, sometimes you may learn from them.
The sooner you accept it, the better.

Sometimes they will delight over the oddest things too. (Like you doing the dishes or such. Like you sent a rocket to the moon or something.) They may have different values and criteria for happiness or you being a good person. Bless'em... They mean well, most likely, sometimes they may just not have a clue...

You will never understand why they did some of the things they did, and maybe it's better that way. (Maybe if you ask'em, they'll tell you too.. It may be surprising.. And you may not like it either..) Parents are people with own flaws, fears, challenges and learning lessons too.. We are some of their learning lessons too..

Your parents may be neurotic. (again, if they are anything like mine) And may have 'unreasonable expectations'. (From you, Life, and Universe.) They may hold on to 'yesterday's' view of the world, that was accurate when they were young. You are one of the children of tomorrow.. Life is changing, the world is changing, there are no certainties.. except constant change..

Remember some millionaires were made in the biggest crisis. So don't believe everything you hear. Problems can be opportunities. Or blessings in disguise.

If you fail, fail brilliantly - you can still be a GOOD EXAMPLE of how not to do things, for example. Remember how Einstein or-who-was-it failed 10.000 times to make a light bulb finally (or something like that)? You think it was worth it?
If he just sat down after 1st try...?

I like this quote: everything worth doing is worth doing BADLY!!
Don Green tells his clients to paint so-and-so many BAD paintings first! Fight your Fear & Win is a really good book. Check it out. There are some other cool books with inspiration too..
And some people on writing forums even make a goal of getting so-and-so many rejection letters in a year/month - this can really work!

Accept you have bad days, good days will come again too.

You can do EFT, TAT and CBT over the words or any deeds your parents did... Eventually, it's best to go your own path, and well, to move away as soon as you can. I made the mistake of coming back home after uni, and well, it's been stressful... We got along much better when I just wasn't home, I was more relaxed and life was easier... (I was stressing out sometimes too, but I didn't have to stress out over parents stressing out over me lol..)

You are still young and have A LOT of time still ahead of you!!
What is it you want to do?

Well said, thank you, I really needed to hear this.