LycraPantiies92
Well-known member
This may be long & will probs include random crap that i say alllllll the time. Just cos i feel so annoyed with myself right now.
Right, well how come wherever i go i never fit in? I'm always just used. I'm talking nursery, primary school, high school, on the internet, in the library, in the shops...]: seems like people everywhere just never get on with me or click with me, like me. ..and it's getting too much to cope with.
I was just thinking about it earlier while on msn, started a conversation with a guy who probably didn't want to talk really, so the conversation just slowly stopped...nothing odd, it happens, but i was thinking that the people on there probably don't really want to talk anyways. In a way i am just being used cos they are probably bored anyways. It makes me so sad that i'd rather pick up the phone and chat to someone, to see if they thought any better of me irl. Well sorta irl cos it's phone, not txt. But yh, i think a lot of people i have met onlibne have just prejudged me by the way i act online (which is probably not nice but i do think i try) i just think they'd see a much nicer person if they knew me in person. I overthink it all beacuse in honesty i dobn;t really have many people in real life that i can ever see. And tbh, my mum is always too busy to ever wanna talk and never wants to anyways, i think it would be too embarrasing to talk to ger about issues like bein paranoid from sa anyways cos she's 1 no good at advice(sry!) and 2. puts sa down and makes fun of me cos apparently i have it.
so why talk to her.
But i really would like to meet someone irl that i can talk to. i wouldn't even mind tryin to find a counseller or self help group cos this week i've come to realise that sitting around online isn't going to help this problem.
The more i'm on yahoo & msn, started to use skype which is a lil better it makes me feel v uncumfortabl and anxious, just i spose cos i dnno who really does 'like' me and who's just lying and bored. and the fact none ever seem to have any advice despite me helping them..or tryin my best to...mm i duno :[
I'm only on there so much cos i clearly don't have a life anyways, not many people seem to respect that. I don't have many people irl, so i do think of the people online as pals when i know them. Tis really getting upsetting. *not that i expect anyone cares or feels any sympathy cos i'm just an attention seeking lil person amnt i?* ;[
Yeah well.. think what you want. *wish i could really have that attitude*
Oh man. i'm kinda stuck for what to do.
Another thing, people that think just because i look okay to them and have some oppertunity, does NOT to me mean i can't be sad or cry over this crap. Some people are so like, i duno..simple minded..(hmm?) that they think i could just go out and grab the lads cos of the way i look...hmm despite havin sa and hardly goin out now? don't think so man
Just gets me angry that people can be like that about it. Yr not meant to say that when i say i'm not happy, your supposed to try an see where i'm cumin from >.< but so many people can't & i wish more acceptd me and understood.
i had a realllly freaky odd dream last night where i was buying me & my friend (who doesn't really exist but did in the dream) a slush puppie. The woman just loooked at me weirdly cos i got anxius paying and filled my slush puppie with hardly any slush puppie ] but filled my friend's with a full slush puppie...and i dunno really what that was all about, but it's true, people everywhere look at me oddly if i am anxius paying or can't smile or thank them or anything.
Even thou i generally don't anyways cos they've not done anything for me except serve me..which isn't exactly rhem going out of their way to do something nice for me..so mmm yh.
But aye so...
kinda makes sense. It's true that i'll always be a crap person and will never rly fit in. sposee i just have to get used to the idea and calm down. not a nice thought thou :[
I wish i could just be a diffrent person, sum1 that people actually liked, but i don't wanna change myself and wud rather diee than do that >.<.. even if i cud change my looks people still wudn't like me for the personality. awell eh.
Anyways thnkx for readin this [:
xx
Right, well how come wherever i go i never fit in? I'm always just used. I'm talking nursery, primary school, high school, on the internet, in the library, in the shops...]: seems like people everywhere just never get on with me or click with me, like me. ..and it's getting too much to cope with.
I was just thinking about it earlier while on msn, started a conversation with a guy who probably didn't want to talk really, so the conversation just slowly stopped...nothing odd, it happens, but i was thinking that the people on there probably don't really want to talk anyways. In a way i am just being used cos they are probably bored anyways. It makes me so sad that i'd rather pick up the phone and chat to someone, to see if they thought any better of me irl. Well sorta irl cos it's phone, not txt. But yh, i think a lot of people i have met onlibne have just prejudged me by the way i act online (which is probably not nice but i do think i try) i just think they'd see a much nicer person if they knew me in person. I overthink it all beacuse in honesty i dobn;t really have many people in real life that i can ever see. And tbh, my mum is always too busy to ever wanna talk and never wants to anyways, i think it would be too embarrasing to talk to ger about issues like bein paranoid from sa anyways cos she's 1 no good at advice(sry!) and 2. puts sa down and makes fun of me cos apparently i have it.
so why talk to her.But i really would like to meet someone irl that i can talk to. i wouldn't even mind tryin to find a counseller or self help group cos this week i've come to realise that sitting around online isn't going to help this problem.
The more i'm on yahoo & msn, started to use skype which is a lil better it makes me feel v uncumfortabl and anxious, just i spose cos i dnno who really does 'like' me and who's just lying and bored. and the fact none ever seem to have any advice despite me helping them..or tryin my best to...mm i duno :[
I'm only on there so much cos i clearly don't have a life anyways, not many people seem to respect that. I don't have many people irl, so i do think of the people online as pals when i know them. Tis really getting upsetting. *not that i expect anyone cares or feels any sympathy cos i'm just an attention seeking lil person amnt i?* ;[
Yeah well.. think what you want.
*wish i could really have that attitude*Oh man. i'm kinda stuck for what to do.
Another thing, people that think just because i look okay to them and have some oppertunity, does NOT to me mean i can't be sad or cry over this crap. Some people are so like, i duno..simple minded..(hmm?) that they think i could just go out and grab the lads cos of the way i look...hmm despite havin sa and hardly goin out now? don't think so man
Just gets me angry that people can be like that about it. Yr not meant to say that when i say i'm not happy, your supposed to try an see where i'm cumin from >.< but so many people can't & i wish more acceptd me and understood.
i had a realllly freaky odd dream last night where i was buying me & my friend (who doesn't really exist but did in the dream) a slush puppie. The woman just loooked at me weirdly cos i got anxius paying and filled my slush puppie with hardly any slush puppie ]
but filled my friend's with a full slush puppie...and i dunno really what that was all about, but it's true, people everywhere look at me oddly if i am anxius paying or can't smile or thank them or anything. Even thou i generally don't anyways cos they've not done anything for me except serve me..which isn't exactly rhem going out of their way to do something nice for me..so mmm yh.
But aye so...
kinda makes sense. It's true that i'll always be a crap person and will never rly fit in. sposee i just have to get used to the idea and calm down. not a nice thought thou :[
I wish i could just be a diffrent person, sum1 that people actually liked, but i don't wanna change myself and wud rather diee than do that >.<.. even if i cud change my looks people still wudn't like me for the personality. awell eh.
Anyways thnkx for readin this [:
xx
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