Is life really that complicated?

[LazyHermitCrab]

I want to move out and get married next year, but it seems impossible. I'm in the mid 20s and going to graduate in 1 yr with a degree in English. I make $12 in the U.S currently. I want a better job, but even with a good job there's a chance to get laid off. My plan is to have 2 jobs just in case. My parents and his say we have to wait like 5 years until we are mature enough to handle it X.X I feel it's too long, and can't stand it, because I want to be with him. They would never let him live here for free or something like some married couples do. I feel so stuck. There's apparently all these impossible expenses. I just cry every night over this. I just want to be married in a small apt and just live. What if we wait too long and nothing works out? I guess the answer is it will just suck and the sadness will cause life to be naturally short anyway...

 

[coyote]

if you're in your mid 20's, you are over the legal age of consent, and you don't have to have your parents permission or approval to do anything

unless, of course, you have been declared incapable of caring for yourself, and your parents still maintain legal guardianship

or if you are expecting them to assume financial responsibility for whatever you want to do - then they should be able to have a say in it, or choose not to give you any money

 

[Odo]

Why would things change if you wait too long?

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

if you're in your mid 20's, you are over the legal age of consent, and you don't have to have your parents permission or approval to do anything

unless, of course, you have been declared incapable of caring for yourself, and your parents still maintain legal guardianship

or if you are expecting them to assume financial responsibility for whatever you want to do - then they should be able to have a say in it, or choose not to give you any money

True. It's just sad not having an approved marriage x.x

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Why would things change if you wait too long?

I'm just afraid of waiting for someone too and possibly out of eggs to have children >.> Also he might get over the excitement of getting married after too much time passes? I dunno I don't understand men -.- I hope mines as similar to me as it seems but who knows

 

[Flanscho]

Well, I personally would never marry someone unless I already spent some years living with that person in one place. As long as you haven't done that, you simply don't really know how living together works out.

I don't see why you and your partner can't move together into a small apartment. If you both work, and it's no fancy place, why can't you afford it?

 

[Agent_Violet]

oh my goodness you're putting way too much thought into the whole marriage thing right now! You're in your twenties,relax!!

yes,there's always the possibility of a layoff occurring but that's why you put as much into savings as possible. I agree you do need a better paying job but that will come with experience so you're going to have to climb the ladder like every one else.If having two jobs makes you feel more secure then I'd say it's an admirable goal. It's going to make having a marriage a lot more complicated when you have money issues and time constraints bc you're working round the clock. I think money issues are something like the number 1 or number 2 cause for divorce. Also,statistics for marrying under the age of 28-30 rank marriages of younger people at the highest risk for divorce.

There is no harm in waiting to be married.Marriage will not give you fulfillment nor will it give you purpose.It's a piece of paper that will allow you a slight tax break and that's it.

You need to get your life together before you even consider getting tied into a marriage to anyone.

Your parents are telling you to wait because they're smart people.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I want to move out and get married next year, but it seems impossible. I'm in the mid 20s and going to graduate in 1 yr with a degree in English. I make $12 in the U.S currently. I want a better job, but even with a good job there's a chance to get laid off. My plan is to have 2 jobs just in case. My parents and his say we have to wait like 5 years until we are mature enough to handle it X.X I feel it's too long, and can't stand it, because I want to be with him. They would never let him live here for free or something like some married couples do. I feel so stuck. There's apparently all these impossible expenses. I just cry every night over this. I just want to be married in a small apt and just live. What if we wait too long and nothing works out? I guess the answer is it will just suck and the sadness will cause life to be naturally short anyway...

Maybe you should consider moving in together without getting married right away. There's no need to rush. Then you can spend some time saving up money first. Maybe living together will be proof to your parents that you are mature enough. And maybe you can get a better job once you finish school. I'm guessing you're working part time right now. Full time at the same wage would make a big difference. Maybe you can find something that pays more. Two part time jobs might work but you'd be juggling hours and you're less likely to get benefits. If you're working full time, I don't suggest getting a part time job on the side. You'll burn out. If you have loans to pay off it's probably wise to put a dent in that before moving out. And don't think if you don't snag him now he won't stick around. If for some reason it's not meant to be, getting married isn't going to save the relationship. You'll have problems anyway and then it's harder to get out of it. If you are right for each other, waiting isn't going to change that. Just be sure of yourselves.

I'm just afraid of waiting for someone too and possibly out of eggs to have children >.> Also he might get over the excitement of getting married after too much time passes? I dunno I don't understand men -.- I hope mines as similar to me as it seems but who knows

You're still young. You have plenty of time to have kids. Even if you have fertility issues, you could adopt. And don't rush into having kids if financial issues are a big concern. Save up some money, try to find a decent job, and have kids when you're financially stable. And maybe you should discuss your concerns with your boyfriend. You could be worrying more than you need to be.

 

[jc972]

I lived with my wife for almost a year before we were married. Our traditional-thinking families didn't like it but we were 18 and 19 so they couldn't do anything to stop it. If you both have income, I see no reason why you couldn't make it work. Just two people in a small home don't cost that much, judging from my experience. Look at it this way, I support my family of five, including myself, on my pay alone. And if two people want to be together bad enough, they can make it work. What matters most is that you both compromise and live within your means. Best wishes :thumbup:

 

[Feathers]

If you google 'small home' or small/tiny house, there's a lot of info online, many people are choosing to live in small/tiny homes to save money or live morgage free. It's maybe something to consider. Depends how comfortable you'd be in small places.

Parents may mean well, as you say you're not getting any younger though, five years may be quite a bit to wait - what about just two or three years though, to get some money under your belt?
My parents used to be really overprotective when I was younger, now they wish grandkids though. (And would lax their requirements quite a bit!) If in 2 years or so you'd get pregnant or something, and they'd see you guys are serious and you both would impress them with moneysaving and money earning, they might be okay with the marriage too?

Do you or he have any other relatives where you could stay, cheap rent or free? Or with space to put a tiny home on?