Is he just shy or not interested?

[GraybeardGhost]

So, allow me to ask a question to all of the shy men around here. Is there any chance after 3 casual dates, that you would still be too nervous to kiss your date in a public place?

In a public place? Absolutely. PDAs are always a challenge, even after months or years of dating. It's not you or him, it's them.

Perhaps instead of asking him to go out, you should ask him to stay in. In the absence of prying eyes, he may finally relax enough to make his move.

 

[OceanMist]

So, allow me to ask a question to all of the shy men around here. Is there any chance after 3 casual dates, that you would still be too nervous to kiss your date in a public place?

If that were to happen, assuming the guy hasn't kissed the woman yet, I would say that the guy probably isn't attracted to the woman.

I've had this exact situation happen b4 and I remember looking at her face one last time and I just backed down because I was not attracted to her.

I may be shy, but I assure I would have no problem kissing a woman in public if I did believe she was attractive and thought she was in to me. I have done so before about 2 times that I can remember with women that were attractive. Both of those were the first time I'd met the woman too, just to give you an idea of how shyness shouldn't matter when it comes to kissing the woman after 3 dates. If the guy is attracted to the woman than I believe the shyness will shrivel to a point where it doesn't stop him from kissing the woman.

That's my take at least.

I have kissed more women that I didn't think were attractive compared to women that I thought were attractive if that tells you anything. Of course, I made sure I avoided kissing many of those women i felt weren't attractive when in public.

 

[InvisaLady]

If that were to happen, assuming the guy hasn't kissed the woman yet, I would say that the guy probably isn't attracted to the woman.

I've had this exact situation happen b4 and I remember looking at her face one last time and I just backed down because I was not attracted to her.

I may be shy, but I assure I would have no problem kissing a woman in public if I did believe she was attractive and thought she was in to me. I have done so before about 2 times that I can remember with women that were attractive. Both of those were the first time I'd met the woman too, just to give you an idea of how shyness shouldn't matter when it comes to kissing the woman after 3 dates. If the guy is attracted to the woman than I believe the shyness will shrivel to a point where it doesn't stop him from kissing the woman.

That's my take at least.

I have kissed more women that I didn't think were attractive compared to women that I thought were attractive if that tells you anything. Of course, I made sure I avoided kissing many of those women i felt weren't attractive when in public.

I guess that means I am a dog, must be why I only attract bearded fatties.::
If he does not find me attractive, then why keep on accepting my invitations to go out? He could just as easily say "It's been fun, but no thanks."

 

[InvisaLady]

In a public place? Absolutely. PDAs are always a challenge, even after months or years of dating. It's not you or him, it's them.

Perhaps instead of asking him to go out, you should ask him to stay in. In the absence of prying eyes, he may finally relax enough to make his move.

Not a chance in hell of him ever coming over to my place. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with my parents. And I don't think he would invite me to his place.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Not a chance in hell of him ever coming over to my place. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with my parents. And I don't think he would invite me to his place.

Have you considered inviting yourself?

 

[InvisaLady]

Have you considered inviting yourself?

I don't even know where he lives. And I am a giant chicken so saying something like "hey Fred, can I come over to your place?" just sounds too forward.

 

[megalon]

It sounds to me like it could go either way. I could definitely see myself being terrified of going in for a kiss on a third date, probably even if it was in private. But on the other hand, maybe he's not interested and he can't figure out how to let you down gently. I think the best way to find out is probably just be blunt and to the point and ask him.

 

[OceanMist]

I guess that means I am a dog, must be why I only attract bearded fatties.::
If he does not find me attractive, then why keep on accepting my invitations to go out? He could just as easily say "It's been fun, but no thanks."

That doesn't mean you are a dog if a guy doesn't want to kiss you after 3 dates. It just means that particular guy probably isn't attracted to you. I say probably because I can't be 100% sure as it is possible that he's too afraid. Maybe he's like super super shy, i don't know the guy, so yeah. It's just my guess that a guy is not attracted to a woman to if he can't kiss her after 3 dates. Either that or he is a terrified virgin, not to say that's bad.

Well it could be other things. He could be using you for company, which isn't such a bad thing. From experience, I've tried to use women for the "woman experience" (definition: use her for a woman to connect with on a social level, all heterosexual men desire female connection). He may want the g/f experience without the whole being attracted to her. Again, I've been there.

If I was you, I would ask, "Are you attracted to me?" Watch his face immediately after you ask that. If he doesn't flinch and says yes, he's probably attracted to you. If he hesitates and tries to dodge your question he probably isn't attracted to you.

I would grill him. I'd take him in private and wrench it out of him if the first question doesn't get a good enough result.

I'd ask him straight up, why haven't you kissed me?

Better yet, if you want to kiss him so bad, why don't you do it? That's what I never have understood with women. They get mad when a man doesn't do something that the woman could have done themselves. The man shouldn't have to do all the heavy lifting. Just saying.

I'm sorry, I just think the whole gender roles thing is just an excuse for women to never have do anything hard in a relationship.

 

[InvisaLady]

That doesn't mean you are a dog if a guy doesn't want to kiss you after 3 dates. It just means that particular guy probably isn't attracted to you. I say probably because I can't be 100% sure as it is possible that he's too afraid. Maybe he's like super super shy, i don't know the guy, so yeah. It's just my guess that a guy is not attracted to a woman to if he can't kiss her after 3 dates. Either that or he is a terrified virgin, not to say that's bad.

Well it could be other things. He could be using you for company, which isn't such a bad thing. From experience, I've tried to use women for the "woman experience" (definition: use her for a woman to connect with on a social level, all heterosexual men desire female connection). He may want the g/f experience without the whole being attracted to her. Again, I've been there.

If I was you, I would ask, "Are you attracted to me?" Watch his face immediately after you ask that. If he doesn't flinch and says yes, he's probably attracted to you. If he hesitates and tries to dodge your question he probably isn't attracted to you.

I would grill him. I'd take him in private and wrench it out of him if the first question doesn't get a good enough result.

I'd ask him straight up, why haven't you kissed me?

Better yet, if you want to kiss him so bad, why don't you do it? That's what I never have understood with women. They get mad when a man doesn't do something that the woman could have done themselves. The man shouldn't have to do all the heavy lifting. Just saying.

I'm sorry, I just think the whole gender roles thing is just an excuse for women to never have do anything hard in a relationship.

have strong suspicion that he may very well be a, as you put it "terrified virgin".

Why don't I just kiss him? I've said it once already, I can't reach! If I try, I will just end up kissing his chest!

Out of curiosity, don't you think using a woman for the GF experience, is kind of cruel to lead her on like that.
I would think a guy in his forties would have the maturity not to lead a woman on and the backbone just to say "no thanks".

 

[OceanMist]

QUOTE=InvisaLady651558 I have strong suspicion that he may very well be a, as you put it "terrified virgin".

If this might be the case, again, I'd ask him. You've met him 3 times, correct? You def have the right to get personal.

Why don't I just kiss him? I've said it once already, I can't reach! If I try, I will just end up kissing his chest!

Okay, do you know how many shorter women have gotten with tall guys? Tons.

You don't have to make the entire move, there are other options. You can ask him to kiss you, or you can move in and make it blatently obvious that you want to be kissed.

I wish I could show you should do this, but that probably sounded weird.

Out of curiosity, don't you think using a woman for the GF experience, is kind of cruel to lead her on like that.

Shy guys like me are left with no choice. The only way we can get confidence is to play below our league if we are above a 5 on a 1-10 scale.

For every guy who's used a woman for experience, there's a woman who's used a man for social and/or financial status.

I would think a guy in his forties would have the maturity not to lead a woman on and the backbone just to say "no thanks".

Are you saying this guy is in his 40's?

Whether he is or not, age doesn't always = maturity. I've met 16 year olds that are way more mature than 40 year olds.

 

[InvisaLady]

QUOTE=InvisaLady651558 I have strong suspicion that he may very well be a, as you put it "terrified virgin".

If this might be the case, again, I'd ask him. You've met him 3 times, correct? You def have the right to get personal.

Why don't I just kiss him? I've said it once already, I can't reach! If I try, I will just end up kissing his chest!

Okay, do you know how many shorter women have gotten with tall guys? Tons.

You don't have to make the entire move, there are other options. You can ask him to kiss you, or you can move in and make it blatently obvious that you want to be kissed.

I wish I could show you should do this, but that probably sounded weird.

Out of curiosity, don't you think using a woman for the GF experience, is kind of cruel to lead her on like that.

Shy guys like me are left with no choice. The only way we can get confidence is to play below our league if we are above a 5 on a 1-10 scale.

For every guy who's used a woman for experience, there's a woman who's used a man for social and/or financial status.

I would think a guy in his forties would have the maturity not to lead a woman on and the backbone just to say "no thanks".

Are you saying this guy is in his 40's?

Whether he is or not, age doesn't always = maturity. I've met 16 year olds that are way more mature than 40 year olds.

Yes, I am well aware of how many shorter women are with taller guys. But the man usually helps out a bit by leaning down!

I'm not going to argue with you , but using deception is not good no matter what side it comes from.

Yes he is in his forties.
From what I can tell he is not "immature" and is a man with strong beliefs and values. He does not drink or party all night at the clubs, has his own apartment, car and a steady job. Just no relationship experience.

 

[OceanMist]

Yes, I am well aware of how many shorter women are with taller guys. But the man usually helps out a bit by leaning down!

I'm not going to argue with you , but using deception is not good no matter what side it comes from.

Yes he is in his forties.
From what I can tell he is not "immature" and is a man with strong beliefs and values. He does not drink or party all night at the clubs, has his own apartment, car and a steady job. Just no relationship experience.

Okay, so I'm a bad guy because I have gone out with women to gain confidence as opposed to hiding in my room like I would have been if I never tried to meet any women due to lack of confidence?

What about me here?

Anyway, that's extremely odd that the guy is in his 40's has never made out with a girl? Is that what you are saying?

He sounds like he has been hiding from this type of thing (women) his entire life until now, which means you are right, he's probably just afraid.

this guy is a rare breed. I still think you should confront his ass and/or try to kiss him.

Communication is the name of the game right now. Talk to him or make out with him. One of the two.

 

[InvisaLady]

Okay, so I'm a bad guy because I have gone out with women to gain confidence as opposed to hiding in my room like I would have been if I never tried to meet any women due to lack of confidence?

What about me here?

Anyway, that's extremely odd that the guy is in his 40's has never made out with a girl? Is that what you are saying?

He sounds like he has been hiding from this type of thing (women) his entire life until now, which means you are right, he's probably just afraid.

this guy is a rare breed. I still think you should confront his ass and/or try to kiss him.

Communication is the name of the game right now. Talk to him or make out with him. One of the two.

No no, I'm not saying your a bad guy for doing what you felt was necessary. But I would be very careful, break a stalker *itch's heart and it could get very ugly.

I don't know for sure if he has made out with any girls, but the sixth sense on "virgin" is tingling.

Yeah, I know. That's why I like him so much. I thought we got along really well and were having a lot of fun together but the mixed signals were troubling me. Half of my brain is telling me he is just nervous and the other half is shouting " why would a guy this nice be interested in you".
I guess I can only stick to my plan, remain in contact, leave my door open figuratively speaking, try not to put too much pressure on him too soon. I am hoping to go with him to someplace a bit more "quiet" then the last 2 places we went.
Perhaps in a less public place I might get a better opportunity to make a move.

 

[Labyrinthine]

It might not hurt to continue to hang out as friends and see where it goes. Sometimes people's feelings change once they get to know you better.

Also, even if it doesn't work out with him and you become buddies, he might have buddies of his own who would be interested.

I think it could be a good idea to communicate with him and find out where he stands.

 

[InvisaLady]

Also, even if it doesn't work out with him and you become buddies, he might have buddies of his own who would be interested.

I think it could be a good idea to communicate with him and find out where he stands.

From what I understand he really does not have any friends, just his brothers and they can't date.

 

[OceanMist]

From what I understand he really does not have any friends.

Hey, that sounds like me. Friendless, haha.

 

[InvisaLady]

Hey, that sounds like me. Friendless, haha.

Yeah, me too. Far too many bad experiences with "friends" as a kid.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

So, allow me to ask a question to all of the shy men around here. Is there any chance after 3 casual dates, that you would still be too nervous to kiss your date in a public place?

Well firstly I wouldn't go for a first kiss in a public place. I kind of like there to be a little privacy the first time I kiss a girl.

Whether that kiss would happen after 3 dates would depend on the signals I was getting from the girl. One thing to consider, since you have anxiety yourself (or you wouldn't be on here, right?) is that you might be expressing your own anxiety or nervousness about the situation unconciously through your body language. If the guy is picking up on that at all, then that might be making him more reluctant to make a move.

It's a very difficult situation. He could really want to kiss you, but be terrified of blowing it if you reacted badly. If it's really going to be awkward for you initiate the kiss, then you may have to just bring the subject up and ask where he sees the relationship going - whether he sees the two of you as just being friends, or whether he'd like something more. Raising the issue might give him the hint he needs that you are receptive to a romantic relationship.

 

[LifeInternal88]

People are different. Maybe he likes to take it slow. Or he is shy as you guys have said, in which case he just needs more time.

I wouldn't want a guy kissing me after just 3 dates...even if I really like him. I prefer to get the friendship going first.

And experience matters. If he has little then we can't expect him to move as fast as guys who have been dating since their late teens.

 

[OceanMist]

If a woman doesn't want a guy to kiss her after 3 dates, I'd say she's in the minority.

The majority of women want a guy to kiss her before or on the 3rd date.

This guy is lucky that you haven't rejected him. Many women will just stop seeing the guy and cut off all contact with the guy and pretend like he doesn't exist because they get offended if they don't get a kiss by the 3rd date. Either they get offended because they think the guy isn't attracted to them or they just write him off as shy and get sick of waiting because they know have their pick of the litter of men that are more intimately aggressive (which isn't hard to find at all).