Instant messages: why for...?

[Aylaa]

It's fine. But when you already know the person. What's the point in talking with a strange person on line?
Time is gold, how the hell we are going to spend it with someone who perhaps only want to flirt with you or who knows, perhaps is a psychopath or a narcissist who wants to take advantage of you.

I'm being paranoical again. I only care of people who has psychological problems and the last they need is to be affected.

But how else will you get to know someone than by talking to them? The point could be to have a nice conversation, or just pass the time.

As long as you don't share any personal details you will be pretty safe from psychopaths online.

 

[April72]

But how else will you get to know someone than by talking to them? The point could be to have a nice conversation, or just pass the time.

As long as you don't share any personal details you will be pretty safe from psychopaths online.

Well, I know you through your posts. I like you. I think it's evident.
If I would be interesting in meeting people at random, I would go to a chat.
But, guys, i don't want to be negative. Each person knows better than anyone what he or she needs.

 

[Sammie_Kay]

It's fine. But when you already know the person. What's the point in talking with a strange person on line?
Time is gold, how the hell we are going to spend it with someone who perhaps only want to flirt with you or who knows, perhaps is a psychopath or a narcissist who wants to take advantage of you.

I'm being paranoical again. I only care of people who has psychological problems and the last they need is to be affected.

Well for me I have a hard time talking to people irl and having lots of conversations with people online help me not be so lonely. Yes there are some good people and some bad people on line and really you never really know. Even in person you never really know someone. I do not plan to ever meet the people I talk to online. If I ever felt uncomfortable talking with someone then I wouldn't talk to them.

 

[rosie_lea]

I've learnt to be more cautious, if someone messages you with 0 post history, rest assured they are usually creeps.

 

[Aylaa]

Well, I know you through your posts. I like you. I think it's evident.
If I would be interesting in meeting people at random, I would go to a chat.
But, guys, i don't want to be negative. Each person knows better than anyone what he or she needs.

:blushing: And I like you You're right in that you get to know people more through their posts here than on the chat. Random people messaging me never really get any further than "hi". Not sure what that's about :idontknow:
You make the choice to trust someone based on their posts. But in theory, either one of us could be a creepy 80 year old guy I think it's sweet that you're concerned about people! I think most people with "bad" intentions would find sites with a younger crowd though (not that that's a good thing!)

Yes there are some good people and some bad people on line and really you never really know. Even in person you never really know someone.

Very true.


I'm more paranoid about people I actually know IRL stumbling across my posts and making the connection than I am about strangers on here. Especially after
1. I found out my former colleagues googled me and had been spying on my twitter and then gossiping about things I wrote (this high school mean girls behaviour is part of the reason they are my former colleagues)
and
2. I once found a forum post by another former colleague, completely by coincidence. There were some pretty personal posts on that forum as well. I admit, I snooped around a little, but only that one time, I don't even remember her user name now and I certainly didn't tell anyone else in the team about it!

This forum is not only open to unregistered members but posts can also be found on Google, it's not very private. (It's how I found this place)
(even with this post I get scared because now if any of those former colleagues read this, they'll definitely make the connection. Fingers crossed they don't!!)

 

[Argentum]

I think it's just a hopeful gamble, thinking that perhaps they'll connect to someone if they reach out. The idea of reaching out itself isn't flawed, but the random, unfounded nature of it makes connections hard because there's nothing drawing people together past an umbrella issue. No personality, no thinking style, no sense of humor, no interests. Oftentimes when people have contacted me out of the blue we have nothing to talk about, anyway.

Then again, I have no friends offline and don't know much about how people connect.

 

[S_Spartan]

someone who perhaps only want to flirt with you or who knows, perhaps is a psychopath or a narcissist who wants to take advantage of you.

Who's left? Isn't that pretty much the whole internet? hahahaha

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

really have never understood the purpose behind being 'friends' with people..what purpose does it serve exactly?

Matters of minor utility.

You can see at a glance if someone on your friends list is online rather than searching through the list at the bottom of the page. Also, you can set your photo albums on here so that only people on your friends list can see the pictures in them.

I've learnt to be more cautious, if someone messages you with 0 post history, rest assured they are usually creeps.

This is probably a good rule to follow, because of this:

you get to know people more through their posts here

I think most people with "bad" intentions would find sites with a younger crowd though (not that that's a good thing!)

The crowd on here is pretty young, at least from my perspective. The occasional predator is attracted to sites like these because they know that they're full of socially naive and vulnerable people, aside from the age factor.


I keep my IM turned off almost always these days. This is partly because of unpleasant experiences I've had, but also because I don't like being surprised by any socialization however well intended, and socializing in general tends to drain me.

 

[migthymask]

many people here try to be friendly and they send instant messages to you or anyone, i think it's ok and it's a faster way to get new friends here, you're a paranoid if you feel that tye want to damage you, they just wanna be FRIENDLY with you!

 

[Kiwong]

I have the IM switched off. When I have had it turned on, I am most commonly contacted by forum members I do not know, or who are not regular posters on the boards. I get the impression these people go through the list of every active member and IM them. That red flashing light is annoying when I am trying to respond to a post. I am not comfortable messaging with strangers.

 

[Aylaa]

many people here try to be friendly and they send instant messages to you or anyone, i think it's ok and it's a faster way to get new friends here, you're a paranoid if you feel that tye want to damage you, they just wanna be FRIENDLY with you!

Yeah, this post is just bursting with friendliness

and you're in the AvPD subforum, mistrust is a symptom of AvPD.

If you want to make friends, you have to write a little more than just "hi".

 

[S_Spartan]

you have to write a little more than just "hi".

How about "hello"?

 

[April72]

I think it's just a hopeful gamble, thinking that perhaps they'll connect to someone if they reach out. The idea of reaching out itself isn't flawed, but the random, unfounded nature of it makes connections hard because there's nothing drawing people together past an umbrella issue. No personality, no thinking style, no sense of humor, no interests. Oftentimes when people have contacted me out of the blue we have nothing to talk about, anyway.

Then again, I have no friends offline and don't know much about how people connect.

Me too. I've got two real friends but the rest are on line friends.

 

[April72]

Yeah, this post is just bursting with friendliness

and you're in the AvPD subforum, mistrust is a symptom of AvPD.

If you want to make friends, you have to write a little more than just "hi".

Or, hey! What is suppoused you have to reply to a "hey".

 

[Aylaa]

How about "hello"?

It's an improvement, a whole three letters extra! But I'm afraid it still needs more....

Or, hey! What is suppoused you have to reply to a "hey".

Good question. I usually say hi or hey back but when that's followed by silence, maybe it's the wrong answer? Are we supposed to fall down on our knees and worship them or something? :idontknow:

But at least those people who don't make it past hi/hey/hello aren't much harm to anyone.

 

[April72]

Hey, hello, hi... It seems to me that we need some social skills to learn. Lol!

I would reply an instant message if it would begin by telling a joke. It would be a surprise. I think people need to laugh moré. We are living in an alienated society.

I want to tell a joke: how many psychiatrists are needed to change a bulb? It's unknown. The bulb has to want yo change first.

 

[April72]

Come on, overthinking is our speciality!

 

[Sammie_Kay]

Come on, overthinking is our speciality!

^^^ Yes! =(