inferiority resulting from a loveless life..

[no1]

I have tremendous self esteem issues. I think they stem from the fact that I've never had any romantic or sexual, or even very friendly experiences with women. The sexual energies that have never been expressed are like nuclear forces, and they're all inside me. It destroys me inside, and I feel like God himself is denying me. Nature is denying me. It cripples my soul to think that I have never been acknowledged in this way for it is my essence. All the women who have rejected me is like every woman on the planet rejecting me as well as all of creation/nature and up to God himself rejecting me.

my confidence being shot because of this, I NEVER feel any good to even BEGIN progressing. I feel like this means I am not "united" within myself. Now it's pretty much late, and physical body is developmentally retarded. How am I able to progress if I am developmentally retarded so imbalanced or "not united" within myself? I feel irreversably damaged. I have always seen the same thing, rejection rejection, it feels pointless even if I do progress.... I dont think it will do any God in the long run. I am already rejected by God himself, creation/nature in it's entirety. Why do I have to be tortured?? Why does this have to drive me insane.

 

[no1]

does ANYONE ELSE feel this way about how much loneliness and never having a romantic experience can be crippling it can be to ones soul and body?

Provided of course you're not a monk, or a nun, or some mystic living in Tibet, I don't think any normal human being can withstand sexual imbalance of any kind without suffering dire consequences.

 

[teandtoast]

Yep Im in the same boat and being 25 just see my life passing in front of me and is quite sad really.
I start to think about more now I think and see all my friends happy and in a relationship most of the time and sometime feel a bit envious really I guess.
When I have been close to a relationship my shyness gets in the way and it goes nowhere ...and it hasnt got any better overtime ...if anything worse.

 

[no1]

my life's a mess and I gotta clean it up all by myself.

anyway those WERE my thoughts. I'm always changing them..

 

[meatcake]

I felt exactly the same way when I was younger, even AFTER I had been in a relationship for a year with someone. It was ridiculous. It was like, if I'm not attractive enough to be able to have sex whenever I want to, I'm beyond worthless, just a piece of trash and I should just die. I think it's some really messed up schemas I learned when I was little. You should focus on figuring out what yours are and work on countering them. It's the only way to be able to relax enough to get INTO a relationship in the first place. Mine have been persistent, and kept coming back. I'm only now trying to really uncover them and deal with them. Good luck to you.

 

[Anubis]

It seems to me like you have a serious case of "Why me?" syndrome. I've found (through having the disease myself) that "Why Me" sufferers look at the world through negative lenses and interpret any hardship as unjust and specifically targeted against them. Because of the impressive human ability to interpret massive amounts of data simultaneously, the sufferer of WM syndrome can literally find negativity in anything if he focuses hard enough.

Only known cure: Taking a step back and not taking everything so personally.

 

[thor01]

I have tremendous self esteem issues. I think they stem from the fact that I've never had any romantic or sexual, or even very friendly experiences with women. The sexual energies that have never been expressed are like nuclear forces, and they're all inside me. It destroys me inside, and I feel like God himself is denying me. Nature is denying me. It cripples my soul to think that I have never been acknowledged in this way for it is my essence. All the women who have rejected me is like every woman on the planet rejecting me as well as all of creation/nature and up to God himself rejecting me.

I feel exactly the same, like there's all the sexual energy built up inside, but never had a chance to use it in any way, not even cuddling or touching in any way. So then I always wonder why, weather I'm not attractive enough or just being shy or not being in the right place at the right time. Seeing all the women when I walk through town is just like torture, as if there on display, but not for me. Its as if, like you said, nature is excluding me from that option.

 

[no1]

I just need to keep myself focused and busy more...

 

[Rheves]

My answer to this problem is to not think about it. If you get rejected just try again. Just today I asked a chick at work if she wanted to go see the new X-men movie. She said she was to busy with finals and what not. I guess thats not really rejection so much as wrong place wrong time. Just have to pick yourself up and try again and again and again.

 

[Ashiene]

My answer to this problem is to not think about it. If you get rejected just try again. Just today I asked a chick at work if she wanted to go see the new X-men movie. She said she was to busy with finals and what not. I guess thats not really rejection so much as wrong place wrong time. Just have to pick yourself up and try again and again and again.

and then finding out she's going to watch the movie with someone else.

 

[Walk]

You know what, no1, I totally sympathize with this. I too feel inferior for not being in relationships with girls. I've been wanting to have a relationship with a girl since I was in early elementary school, and the time I've had chances with girls, bad luck and lack of action on my part left me with nothing.

I feel ya. One thing that fascinates and even intimidates me is the issue of girls, seriously. SUCH a HUGE topic to talk about.

 

[mylifephails]

i feel u man.. i never had a real relationship.. only cyber.. so i'm still a virgin.. a 22 year old virgin.. but in my country its a good thing for single ppl to not have sex .. the only ones suppose to have it are married couples.. but who will ever wanna marry a social phobic?.. guess ill have to keep on jerking off for the rest of my life ..(pethetic i know) ..

 

[mozart87]

I'm 21, same boat as you. but hey let's be optimistic. if we want to continue our lives and not suicide then first we have to be optimistic.
and second we should stop, yeah, I think we should stop searching all details related to shyness, love-shyness, SA etc. since I discovered that I'm a SAist it's like I added more to my fears. I have social anxiety, oh look, I can't do this..., look I'm sweating....NO, this is not the way things must go on.
the way would be like: ok, I'm shy, I'm more sensitive than others but that's me and with goods and bads I have to go on.
I don't know about you guys, but for me if I looked a little better (although I'm not that bad ) I think I would play better in this field.
so after my chickenpox (I'm still a kid) I'm gonna start going to gym to build my body and my self-confidence. and after a while I hope I'll find a girl to fall inlove and she will eventually leave me for a jerk and that's it
and below it's some reasons to make you feel less depressed. if you aren't in my situations than feel better:

I have a small dick
no girl ever told me that she likes me (except one quit 8 year old girl, a nephew of my sister-in-law )
I'm skinny, and really really concerned almost everyday
I am sort of a porn addict
I don't have many friends, because a reason or other I more lose friends
I don't know to dance at all
I judge people a lot
etc. etc.

 

[recluse]

I feel inferior for being a virgin but mainly for not having had a girlfriend at my age of 28. It's funny because people who are not virgins will say that ''sex isn't as good as it's made out to be'' o'r ''it's not like in the movies'' but it doesn't change anything, just the horrible feeling of being undesireable to the opposite sex i live with every day.

 

[no1]

I think this is a huge problem for society.. to me at least.

 

[meatcake]

the horrible feeling of being undesireable to the opposite sex i live with every day.

yeah, that's it. that's the thought.

thought: i'm undesirable to the opposite sex

irrational reaction: holy shit i'm worthless i should just die

a rational reaction: why is that so horrible, to be undesirable? um, because then i'd be alone forever, blah blah. why is that so horrible? because everyone would think i'm a loser, i'd be lonely, etc. why would everyone think you're a loser? not everyone ends up with a mate. it happens. would it be so bad to be alone? yeah, it sucks being lonely. etcetc

another rational reaction: well, women don't care about looks so much as confidence. and confidence is actually learnable through practice and exposure therapy. don't focus on looks so much. work on gaining confidence through a series of goals and achieving them.

it actually took me quite a while to realize some of this crap. like i was on the fence about confidence - i wanted to just be my own normal unconfident self - why should i have to change? isn't that being untrue to myself? but realistically speaking, you're gonna be screwed if you stick with that. i mean, you won't be putting yourself out there due to unconfidence, and most girls don't like unconfidence anyway, and the ones that do are probably already taken by somebody who is way better looking than you or in a band or something.

i dunno. i like being unconfident, because it fits with sa - it keeps me from sticking my neck out and going through anxiety. and also i always hated all the confident outgoing loudmouthed people in high school. so i wanted to be the opposite. but, it just causes invisibility. it certainly didn't work for me in high school.

plus, i always LOVED unconfident girls. so i'd always think they'd be more interested in me if i was unconfident also. but being unconfident makes it really hard to actually interact with them!

so it's a dilemma. be unconfident and stick with sa and being alone (which is soooo tempting), or just say **** it, i'll try being confident.

ugh, i still have issues about all of this. i'm still repulsed by confidence. i suppose i'm gonna have to work on that.

 

[no1]

yeah, that's it. that's the thought.

thought: i'm undesirable to the opposite sex

irrational reaction: holy shit i'm worthless i should just die

a rational reaction: why is that so horrible, to be undesirable? um, because then i'd be alone forever, blah blah. why is that so horrible? because everyone would think i'm a loser, i'd be lonely, etc. why would everyone think you're a loser? not everyone ends up with a mate. it happens. would it be so bad to be alone? yeah, it sucks being lonely. etcetc

another rational reaction: well, women don't care about looks so much as confidence. and confidence is actually learnable through practice and exposure therapy. don't focus on looks so much. work on gaining confidence through a series of goals and achieving them.

it actually took me quite a while to realize some of this crap. like i was on the fence about confidence - i wanted to just be my own normal unconfident self - why should i have to change? isn't that being untrue to myself? but realistically speaking, you're gonna be screwed if you stick with that. i mean, you won't be putting yourself out there due to unconfidence, and most girls don't like unconfidence anyway, and the ones that do are probably already taken by somebody who is way better looking than you or in a band or something.

i dunno. i like being unconfident, because it fits with sa - it keeps me from sticking my neck out and going through anxiety. and also i always hated all the confident outgoing loudmouthed people in high school. so i wanted to be the opposite. but, it just causes invisibility. it certainly didn't work for me in high school.

plus, i always LOVED unconfident girls. so i'd always think they'd be more interested in me if i was unconfident also. but being unconfident makes it really hard to actually interact with them!

so it's a dilemma. be unconfident and stick with sa and being alone (which is soooo tempting), or just say **** it, i'll try being confident.

ugh, i still have issues about all of this. i'm still repulsed by confidence. i suppose i'm gonna have to work on that.

well the thing about confidence is that as you said women dont like looks so much as confidence. The fact is looks does mean something and I don't think one should be over another in order of consideration unless one decides to and that's an individual's choice.

Confidence can also be part of looks. People perceiving confidence could all just be a perceiving a great actor. Looks pretty much entails any kind of "perception", at least in this sense.

That is of course not to say don't try to boost your confidence, that is good, but not anyone who acts confident is actually going be to "great", obviously.

Confidence building pretty much has to do with finding one's true self, and then knowing how to create the circumstances of your wishes, if you can. If you can't well you just can't, and there's no crying about it. At least not now, and that's what matters.

 

[206Raider]

yeah I'm the same way, I've had my chances, I feel so far behind everybody that 've known I can't bear to look at the drunken orgies my friends are havin on myspace. blah. So I never use those Myspace crap. I'm only 20 so I know theres hope but I have to try and thats never been my strong point

 

[daniel4o]

I feel you guys. I know what you are talking about. I have horrible self esteem although i have no grounds on that whatsoever. I am good looking - at least enough women have had a crush on me even though i am 25, well educated etc. But the fact is that I have never been with a woman that I actually had wanted to be with. I would be with a woman only if I am drunk, start a relationship only if i am drunk. i have never been on a real date. My problem is that I suffer from anxiety facial sweating so even if I see that a woman likes me I cant do anything. Its a vicious cycle. if i get a girl I would be nmore confident and my sweating would be reduced but i cant get a girlfriend due to the fact.

 

[pufferfish]

i feel that maybe your feeling of being "inferior" or "not complete" is not only the product of not having any type of romantic relationship, but also, not having any relationship is a product of not being a whole person. before you enter into a relationship with someone else, you have to be a whole person already. you have to have a direction in your life for yourself, before you should enter into a relationship with another person. it just simply isn't fair to be in a relationship with someone, expecting them to somehow "complete" you or make you "whole."

the thing that people with SA have to deal with i think, is realizing that if they are in a relationship or not, they will still have SA, life will still be hard and it won't get easier just because they are in a relationship.

do something for YOU in your life, and love will come. someday it will, i promise that.