I'm so sick of this...

[DeathMetal]

I'm lonely, depressed, and have social anxiety. I've never had a girlfriend. Sometimes I have sleep paralysis or night terrors or whatever its called. I have no friends and I think I am the most boring person on earth. I've had a grand total of 2 friends my entire life, both of them back in high school and I don't even consider them to have been real friends. I have a low paying job because I don't want to go to college, because of my SA.

I joined a dating site a few months ago to try to find someone, seeing that I will never meet anyone in person because of my social anxiety and shyness around women. I have just been ignored. Sent out about 11 emails so far and only ONE girl has had the decency to click on the automated "no thanks" reply link, all the rest... nothing. I mean, all it takes is one click to to send an automated message saying you aren't interested, and the link is right there in the email.

I'm not an ugly guy... probably above average. I have gotten many looks from girls that seem interested at work over the years, but of course I have never had the courage to do anything. Eventually, because I never talk to them they just think I am not interested I guess. At 31 years of age (soon to be 32) I don't see things getting better any time soon.

 

[spider04]

you're not alone in this::

 

[smpengwin]

You have a great deal of self pity. You seem to be obsessed with that and I think you like thinking of yourself as a victim. Feeling sorry for yourself does something for you and you seem to be looking for more evidence that you are not worthy. I think that gives you an excuse to give up and not try. I'm very socially phobic and I've isolated myself socially most of my life then I sit around sometimes and feel sorry for myself because my phone never rings and my email remains empty. Feeling sorry for yourself because you are lonely is a self fulfilling prophesy. It will cause others to stay away from you and ultimately that's what you want because you are socially phobic right?

If you are not already it would be good for you to see a therapist. It's easy to find one even if you can't afford it they are available to everyone. Anti depressants can help to lower your fear considerably and once that fear is reduced you will feel more like interacting with people.

Social phobia has been in charge of my life for so long. There are many terrible problems that will arise if you do nothing about it. I'm still in the process of trying to get better myself.

One of the most important things that I've learned is that you don't have to be a great conversationalist or anything. Just be polite with people. Don't fixate on yourself and worry about yourself. Don't try to see what people can do for you to make you feel better about yourself. Be charitable and do good things for people who need help, don't expect a reward or a pat on the back. You have to give others their complete freedom. You wrote that you were upset because some women didn't have the decency to respond to you. That kind of thinking will only hurt and anger you and do no good.

Go to church or take some night classes at a college. Become a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity or The Food Bank or something. You will not be forced to interact with people but it will happen on it's own, naturally. Stop the pity party and your loneliness problem will get better as a result!

smpengwin

 

[DarkSeeker]

My guess is that you have much bigger problems than never having any girlfriend or only ever having a few friends. Look at me, I never had any real friends whatsoever, and this was something that was the direct consequences of something much more dire.

If you have enough courage, look into your past and you might see why you never had any friends. Then maybe you can do something about it.

 

[Brokenx]

I'm lonely, depressed, and have social anxiety. I've never had a girlfriend. Sometimes I have sleep paralysis or night terrors or whatever its called. I have no friends and I think I am the most boring person on earth. I've had a grand total of 2 friends my entire life, both of them back in high school and I don't even consider them to have been real friends. I have a low paying job because I don't want to go to college, because of my SA.

I joined a dating site a few months ago to try to find someone, seeing that I will never meet anyone in person because of my social anxiety and shyness around women. I have just been ignored. Sent out about 11 emails so far and only ONE girl has had the decency to click on the automated "no thanks" reply link, all the rest... nothing. I mean, all it takes is one click to to send an automated message saying you aren't interested, and the link is right there in the email.

I'm not an ugly guy... probably above average. I have gotten many looks from girls that seem interested at work over the years, but of course I have never had the courage to do anything. Eventually, because I never talk to them they just think I am not interested I guess. At 31 years of age (soon to be 32) I don't see things getting better any time soon.

Welcome to the forums
You say you have only had 2 friends, well that is all about to change, there are so many amazing people on this forum and I'm sure you will become friends with us all at some point in the near future.
Secondly, i know finding a partner is frustrating, but you have to stick with it.. someone will come along soon enough.
Just don't give up and always know, things will get better.

 

[Falkor]

Don't feel sorry for yourself anymore, I know that sounds hard,
but that's the real change. When u dont feel sorry about yourself anymore, you can use your strenght.. To go for it. You give up because of this thinking, i also think way too much, but i realised this, and just know that you cant help this , you can change it, thats the way to get a better life.. ,
what is really standing in the way for you to have friends? social anxiety right? then go practice , everything you find difficult, it will get easier step by step.. I do things as much as possible so that i will get out of this cycle..
Cuz i dont wanna be like this anymore, and i dont wanna feel sorry for myself again, cuz that feeling hurts, and why should we hurt ourself anymore?
Why should we be in hurt for something we have every day? We must deal with it. And all we should do is change.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Jesus Christ people, one troll jumps on this guy and suddenly everyone is flogging the **** out of him.

Welcome to the site, DM; though it probably doesn't feel too welcoming at the moment.

Ha Ha Ha

I'm in much the same boat as you, and it does suck. There's nothing wrong with being honest with yourself and venting your frustrations, especially here.

Most of the board's posts consist of people constantly blowing-off steam about their situation, so don't let anyone's opinions get under your skin.

 

[redski]

You have a great deal of self pity. You seem to .... smpengwin

I think this is pretty good constructive advice. Welcome by the way I see that
this was your first post

I'm lonely, depressed, and have social anxiety. I've never had a girlfriend....

I am in your boat my friend. Crappy as it sounds the only person that
can change all of this is you.
There a lot of people here in your shoes which will be able to give you good
advice.

Welcome!

 

[DeathMetal]

Sorry... I'm done whining about myself. Was just feeling really depressed last night and felt like letting it all out somewhere.

 

[I_jailed_me]

Ok, i dont want to act all tough and judge anyone here.. i hit rock bottom and i know there is no way to completely get rid of this moronic fear in my head so i wont be judgeing anyone tonight. I am just happy to know there are people like me around and who knows one day we will have our own little country or atleast a village, where we can walk around not feeling freaky,there is something to live for..hehe ::

Welcome to the site death metal and i can relate to what you say..

 

[DarkSeeker]

Sorry... I'm done whining about myself. Was just feeling really depressed last night and felt like letting it all out somewhere.

Gee you still feel sorry for being yourself. You still feel embarrassed about the way you feel. You're gonna feel bad and whine about yourself anytime you feel like it and what are we gonna do about it?

Your feelings matter neither more or less than anyone else's. The first step (and maybe the hardest) in getting over this sickness is recognizing and accepting the pain.

 

[recluse]

Hi i can relate to your post, welcome!

 

[Falkor]

Hey Are you feeling better ?? just wondering if youre doing OK ::
I have those depressive-moments, sometimes i'm really down.
And sometimes i'm happy. it really changes alot.

 

[DeathMetal]

Yeah I'm feeling fine now. Thanks for asking.

When my depression hits it is usually late at night, but does happen during the day sometimes. I just try to not think about my life too much so I don't become depressed.

I probably came off as an insecure suicidal maniac in my first post, but I'm really not. I'm really laid back and calm all the time.

 

[NihilistNoir]

you look like a pretty cool guy to me lol

 

[DeathMetal]

Cool huh? I don't think I would go that far, lol. If I was cool I would have some friends.