Satine
Well-known member
That sounds like a really sad situation to be in.
He really does appear to have a severe fear of actually entering into a relationship with you - and yet he has a willingness to. It seems to me that he needs more help than you alone are able to give, and yet you are a key part of receiving that help. It may be worth him seeking counselling for this issue.
It is a reality of any relationship, no matter how fool-proof it appears to be, that each individual involved is an independent entity: we are all able to behave independently of each other. In other words, one half of the couple cannot make the other love them, stop loving them, or behave in any particular way. We must all run the gauntlet of a partner who we can't second-guess completely. Therefore this is something he is going to need to get to grips with if he wants to be able to be in a relationship. Ultimately it is up to him whether he confronts this issue or not, but counselling can be an immensely powerful thing, capable of undoing damage in us that we might have thought unchangeable. I know it was for me.
It is a shame that you feel so in love with somebody who is terrified to love you back, but as it is the case, it is worth treating the situation with realism. Are you prepared to wait for him or not? What will your reaction be if you suggest counselling to him and he says he is not prepared to take it? Do you have any idea of a cut-off time, given that he is not likely to try to remedy this situation immediately? These are all things you might want to consider just to keep yourself sane.
If you suggest anything to him about ways he could get past his fear, he may say he doesn't want to, but you will have planted a seed in his mind about what he can do to be with you (and clearly he wants to). If you do manage to plant such a seed, he may get counselling (or whatever he thinks best) after a while.
Another idea: do what a counsellor would do and neither offer positive, nor negative, judgement. I don't imagine for a moment that you have said anything judgemental to or about him, but there is something very... secure, about the realisation that a person will not judge us. It happens so rarely, people suspending their judgement, that it can be quite striking.
I hope this situation works out well for you.
He really does appear to have a severe fear of actually entering into a relationship with you - and yet he has a willingness to. It seems to me that he needs more help than you alone are able to give, and yet you are a key part of receiving that help. It may be worth him seeking counselling for this issue.
It is a reality of any relationship, no matter how fool-proof it appears to be, that each individual involved is an independent entity: we are all able to behave independently of each other. In other words, one half of the couple cannot make the other love them, stop loving them, or behave in any particular way. We must all run the gauntlet of a partner who we can't second-guess completely. Therefore this is something he is going to need to get to grips with if he wants to be able to be in a relationship. Ultimately it is up to him whether he confronts this issue or not, but counselling can be an immensely powerful thing, capable of undoing damage in us that we might have thought unchangeable. I know it was for me.
It is a shame that you feel so in love with somebody who is terrified to love you back, but as it is the case, it is worth treating the situation with realism. Are you prepared to wait for him or not? What will your reaction be if you suggest counselling to him and he says he is not prepared to take it? Do you have any idea of a cut-off time, given that he is not likely to try to remedy this situation immediately? These are all things you might want to consider just to keep yourself sane.
If you suggest anything to him about ways he could get past his fear, he may say he doesn't want to, but you will have planted a seed in his mind about what he can do to be with you (and clearly he wants to). If you do manage to plant such a seed, he may get counselling (or whatever he thinks best) after a while.
Another idea: do what a counsellor would do and neither offer positive, nor negative, judgement. I don't imagine for a moment that you have said anything judgemental to or about him, but there is something very... secure, about the realisation that a person will not judge us. It happens so rarely, people suspending their judgement, that it can be quite striking.
I hope this situation works out well for you.
