I'm doing it!

[UnOccupied]

It's settled, I am finally going to start living my life to its fullest. Screw social anxiety, it's just a label. Yeah, i get shy sometimes, and super awkward around certain types of people, or in certain situations, but i dropped the label of someone with Social Anxiety a while ago, and now it's time to start truly acting on that.

I just graduated college where i went from being a "cool kid," to a super depressed weirdo, then to a somewhat "normal" college kid. I have always been intrigued by the world, and i have been looking at a lot of travel sites. This one in particular just gave me a sudden boost of motivation: Travel Blog – Nomadic Matt's Travel Site

I want to travel very bad, but FIRST, i want to get out there, and start meeting strangers! That is my short term goal, and my drive to travel has given me the sudden ambition to get out there and finally do it. I am talking about talking to strangers, having small talk with store clerks, talking to any beautiful woman i please, or any woman for that matter. I feel my fears of talking to people in my daily life will only get better when i start talking to strangers. Think of it like this...if you're trying to improve your one mile run time, you should do lots of long distance running, in the 5 mile range.

If you want to improve your relationships with friends, expand your social circle, get a girlfriend, and ultimately be more self-confident, what do you need to do? You need to overcome your fears of rejection. You know, the fear of speaking your mind, of saying how you feel, and of just having the courage to be yourself at ALL times. I am going to do this by starting small.

For 30 days, i will talk to one stranger a day. Even if it is just saying hi. After that, i will try to get rejected by one stranger a day.

My goal: To get as comfortable as possible with getting rejected by strangers. I hope this makes me more comfortable and confident in my social life, even with my close friends and family, AND i hope i meet some cool, new, possibly even intimately connected people(meaning a girl to date) along the way.

I have always felt somewhat different from other people. Not because i get shy or awkward at times, but because i have all of these ideas in my head all the time. I have always wanted to help people so bad, but never knew how. I think the first person i need to help is myself. I have come such a long way from my depression and social anxiety in college which was about three years ago. BUT, this is the final step. It won't be easy, nor will it be quick. I must be persistent, and go at this whole heartedly.

Sometimes to get what you want out of life, you need to treat each day as a battle field. Each day is a fight to be yourself and be happy, it does NOT come easy. This isn't life or death, but i am treating it like it is. I REFUSE to be a cog. I WILL leave my mark on this planet. And it starts with something as small as approaching strangers. Haha, seems so simple when i put it that way.

There seems no better time to start this endeavor than New Years! There you have it, my starting point. I will keep you all updated, whether or not you share my somewhat crazy(it's not crazy, just a little not "normal") beliefs and ambitions.

By the way, this guy as well has been giving me a lot of ambition:
Social Skydiving: The Art of Talking to Strangers

 

[Hoppy]

Good luck, and please remember to give a lot of updates.

That reminds me of the story of the guy who always went up to girls he didn't know in the street and ask for sex. He got slapped a lot, but he also got a lot of sex.

 

[mart22n]

Cool man. I did the same thing last summer, wasn't bad at all - of about 70 people I talked to, only about 3 reacted like "I don't want to talk to you". I'm planning to re-start this venture at the beginning of the next year, so we can exchange experiences

And - SP is a f*cking label and nothing more. By systematically avoiding certain social situations (also avoiding saying and doing things you'd like to), a human's brain is slowly wired to become more and more anxious over time - it learns some things are dangerous and releases fight-or-flight hormones. Thus, avoidance = anxiety!!! When you avoid enough you can start calling yourself a phobic if you like. Anxiety stays as long as you're feeling embarrassed. Lead yourself to situations where you say things you want to say and do things you like doing (but are embarrassed of) - and anxiety slowly evaporates.

 

[sullyS25]

That is good to hear that. I think that is key to overcoming the fear. That is to say I think it is key if you intend on changing the way you are and truly want to change. I personally have sat in the back of the room complaining about how life dealt me a ****ty hand and it accomplished nothing....Goals and small steps are where the true change takes place and it is good to see you are willing to do that.

 

[UnOccupied]

Thanks for the support guys! I will keep you updated. And Hoppy, it's not just girls, i want to meet guys too!

I don't care if the people are old, young, man or woman, don't matter to me. I just know that my goals in life require me to be more social than i currently am. Therefore, i NEED to change. I have caused myself a lot of frustration(and depression) over the years, not only because of my social anxiety, but because i have always refused to settle into it, and be mad at the world. I just get mad at myself, which gets me depressed. Guess it is a good thing after all, because it fuels me to change, who knew, haha.

 

[satstrn]

congrats dude, this is the only way to really do it in my opinion. good to smart small, it seems overwhelming sometimes

 

[Silatuyok]

Awesome idea, and I'm loving everyone's responses. Keep us posted!

 

[Kiwong]

Good luck enjoy your travel adventures.

 

[Lea]

Sure you haven´t taken any drugs I was kind of like you when I was young and was enthusiastic about going abroad and learning to know the world. So I did.. Maybe I still will but meh.. I travelled but now I don´t have anything in life.. but do I need something, what do I need actually? Security, good home, good job? Partner, family? I have nothing like that. So sometimes I think I might go on traveling, and rather not think about the future, ha.

Btw travelling is a good thing but not guarantee to give you happiness.. or at least not always.

 

[I'm Not There]

I've actually been thinking of doing this too, starting Jan 1st (apart from the travelling). Now that I see that I have a companion, I already feel more motivated

Let's go for it, we can do this!

 

[UnOccupied]

Thanks again for all the positive responses!

Sure you haven´t taken any drugs I was kind of like you when I was young and was enthusiastic about going abroad and learning to know the world. So I did.. Maybe I still will but meh.. I travelled but now I don´t have anything in life.. but do I need something, what do I need actually? Security, good home, good job? Partner, family? I have nothing like that. So sometimes I think I might go on traveling, and rather not think about the future, ha.

Btw travelling is a good thing but not guarantee to give you happiness.. or at least not always.

Lea, just to clarify, you did travel at some point in your life? That's awesome! I totally agree, traveling is not anywhere near a guarantee at happiness.

I don't know how clear i made this, but the traveling thing is kind of my motivation to start talking to strangers, and really putting myself out there. I want to travel, but FIRST, i want to start talking to strangers. I feel this is a major and possibly final step for me to get to where i am satisfied, socially. Hope this helps to clarify

 

[UnOccupied]

Great attitude, do it!
Sometimes we just have to face these things head on and take those steps, no matter how daunting they are. They say that in life you have to make your own luck and I believe it to be true. The more chances you take, the more likely you are to get something.
Where would you like to go to? I love people like the guy in that site you posted up. I spent last year travelling, it was the best thing I've ever done, and next year I'm planning to go again, but I'm in such awe of people who do it for years and years and almost seem to 'do it for a living'.
There is nothing holding your back - apart from yourself, so now you're prepared to confront yourself, then the sky's the limit!!!

Cool, where'd you go? Did SA stop you from doing anything you really wanted to do?

 

[UnOccupied]

I've actually been thinking of doing this too, starting Jan 1st (apart from the travelling). Now that I see that I have a companion, I already feel more motivated

Let's go for it, we can do this!

Let's do it man! I've been PM'ing another guy who shares the same passion for overcoming his SA, with the help of getting rejected...haha i laugh a little every time i type that.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

This isn't life or death, but i am treating it like it is. I REFUSE to be a cog. I WILL leave my mark on this planet. And it starts with something as small as approaching strangers. Haha, seems so simple when i put it that way.

This is life or death. It really is. This is your life. And to reclaim it you have to fight with nails and teeth.

I am in a similar situation as yourself: I have laid out a plan to get over my social anxiety and start living the life I am meant to. This has to be done and it can be done. Little steps all the way! They do add up

You have a good plan and the attitude to back it up. Keep it up, even during the hard gray days. Don't ever give up! Keep us updated for sure.

 

[UnOccupied]

I've actually been thinking of doing this too, starting Jan 1st (apart from the travelling). Now that I see that I have a companion, I already feel more motivated

Let's go for it, we can do this!

Def. man! It's amazing how unclear everything is when you just think about it. You don't ever get the answer to anything you're scared of until you try it. Hence, getting rejected solves problems.

 

[UnOccupied]

I went to S.E Asia.
S.A didn't really stop me... I think I went there kinda fixed in my own mindset at first though, and so was really taken aback by how kind and open people were out there. I learnt a lot from the people out there.
Travelling is an eye-opener, it's potential to change one's life should never be underestimated. I now go nuts whenever I so much as look at a map. Do it, make sure you do, forget about your S.A - do it anyway. You won't regret a thing.


Also - if part of the reason you want to travel is to meet new people, then DEFINITELY go for it. Most people travel alone. Hostels are really sociable places where sometimes independent travellers get together to go on trips etc. Some hostels organise the trips. It makes it really easy to socialise, and there's always a heap of things to talk about.

Cool! Before i travel though, i want to become a little more comfortable being social so i can fully enjoy it. I mean, if i have trouble talking to people in America, i don't see how i will instantly open up just because i'm across the world, haha.

 

[UnOccupied]

This is life or death. It really is. This is your life. And to reclaim it you have to fight with nails and teeth.

I am in a similar situation as yourself: I have laid out a plan to get over my social anxiety and start living the life I am meant to. This has to be done and it can be done. Little steps all the way! They do add up

You have a good plan and the attitude to back it up. Keep it up, even during the hard gray days. Don't ever give up! Keep us updated for sure.

You're right, it really is life and death. It's like that quote, everyone dies, but not everybody lives.