I have developed a heightened sensitivity to noises. I'm ok with nondistinct loud noises such as the ones at a rock concert, from musical instruments, from stereos, etc - noises that are not targeted directly at me. However, distinctive noises such as people talking or people banging really gets me on edge. I become hyperalert, my flight or fight instincts are activated, and I feel under threat.
This is why I have no intentions of living in apartments again. I hear lots of noises from my neighbors, and they hear me too. When I hear them urinate or fart in the bathroom for example, it gets awkward. They hear me and my brother too, and most of them are not so forgiving. There were times when we make noises and the neighbors think we are intentionally hitting at them, so they make noises at us too. When this happens, what I do is cower in fear. I immediately become very quiet, sometimes tiptoing, my heart racing very fast, feeling like I want to get out. My brother puts on his ear muffs so he won't hear them.
I can't live in apartments or dorms. The walls and doors are so thin that people can hear everything. Sometimes I say something behind closed doors and people think I'm talking to/about them! I don't want to inadvertently hurt people, or have people hurt me because they think I'm banging at them. Even to this day, I feel very sensitive towards noises. For example, when the fridge makes a noise, and I'm eating with my spoon sometimes banging against the bowl, and then the fridge makes another noise as if in response to my noise, I get paranoid. My mind is thinking, maybe I'm being punished for making noises with my spoon banging on the bowl, or with my hands clashing on the keyboard.
I know if I stayed at the apartments any longer, I would have gone crazy, or worse. I'm glad I moved out and have no intentions of moving anywhere again, because I'm happy where I am.
