im 27 and never had a girlfriend/afraid of starting a relationship!

[Felgen]

I actually think good looks alone wont get you laid either. You could be the "best" looking man, but it depends what you do. If like many people on here including myself, you don't "go out", and dont put yourself in enough social situations where there are girls, or dont happen to be in the right place to meet enough girls, you won't get any. Especially since most girls expect guys to find and speak to them first. If any of those actors mentioned weren't millionaire famous actors, and they were people like us, with our problems, I bet they'd be in the same position. If this isn't true then luck must play a HUGE part in it all. But I think theres more to it than that.
I'd even say isadly in alot of (not all) cases its why guys want girlfriends and cant bear the thought of them leaving them, and sometimes even get married, because they know that without them, its not easy to get sex. And its why many, even "good looking" guys will settle for girls they dont even consider that attractive.

I never said it was easy to get sex, but good looks will give you "bonus points". Good looks will make it easier for you to get a date, but a good looking person is just as likely to f*ck up the date as a bad looking person. Also, charisma and acting is a helluva lot easier to learn than profound social skills—thus making it easier to get laid than to get a long term relationship.

 

[Felgen]

OK im just home from meeting up with that girl, and what a DISASTER. i was ok up until i arrived in town, then i got a bit panicky. i collected her from her house and we went to a pub for a few drinks, i am not exaggerating when i say this, but i hardly strung 2 sentences together in 2 hours we were there. i feel like such an IDIOT. i had it all set what i was gonna say and what subjects i was gonna talk to her about, (just to make conversation flow). but it didn't turn out that way. my mind went blank & i just couldn't get the words out, i just couldn't think of what i was gonna talk about. she did all the talking. just a total disaster.
i do feel good i forced myself out of my comfort zone of my bedroom and got out for a few hours but in all honestly i wish i didn't try at all. i feel like a total loser. i cant even take a friend out and show her a good time. i don't know whether to laugh or cry in all honestly. i tried, and i let myself down again.

You'll only get better at dating once you get more experience. You left your comfort zone and the next time you go on a date, you'll at least have some clues and what to do and what not to do.

 

[thor01]

I never said it was easy to get sex, but good looks will give you "bonus points". Good looks will make it easier for you to get a date, but a good looking person is just as likely to f*ck up the date as a bad looking person. Also, charisma and acting is a helluva lot easier to learn than profound social skills—thus making it easier to get laid than to get a long term relationship.

Yeah thats true.
But from my observations I get the feeling most girls want a relationship as they don't like how people might see them otherwise. And therefore thats what guys feel they need to be in to get laid. I would have thought it was harder to get laid without a relationship as you need to somehow make the girl want you that much. Unless you go to a certain type of club or something, and in that case, I'm sure that acting would do fine. But for lots of people like us thats not an environment we want to be in. And of course arn't comfortable with the necessary acting.
Anyway I'd never want to act a certain way for that. I'd rather be honest and just me, even if that seems to be pretty boring and unnattractive to some.

On a sidenote though, Ive noticed in school/college environments that the most popular guys who seem to have alot of friends that are girls, are the most bland. They may have "good" looks, not always that "good" but they always seem to me to be more boring than people like us who often think we come across boring.

 

[JamesSmith]

Aidan, that's a lot like my dates went with the only girl I've gone out with and I don't look at it as a disaster at all. She did most of the talking and thought of things to talk about and I would just throw in some occasional insight. I liked it for the most part.

You said you were there for 2 hours. That's a LONG time. If it was "such a disaster" she would have left within 20-30 minutes, right?

 

[harlseq]

Well you can learn from your mistakes and hopefully do better next time. I'm 26 myself and have never had a girlfriend... pretty much feel the exact same way you do about it.

I've considered the whole online dating thing, but haven't had any success with it. I generally don't get any replies or messages, let alone dates. Oh well, maybe some day.

 

[aidan]

Aidan, that's a lot like my dates went with the only girl I've gone out with and I don't look at it as a disaster at all. She did most of the talking and thought of things to talk about and I would just throw in some occasional insight. I liked it for the most part.

You said you were there for 2 hours. That's a LONG time. If it was "such a disaster" she would have left within 20-30 minutes, right?

hey james, sorry that you have been through similar situations, does it get any easier or better for you to go out?
it wasn't a date tho, were friends, i just fancy her, wanted to tell her how i feel but that will never happen now. whats the point.
she is just generally very chatty, so i feel its a disaster due to me not talking much. and there was a few of those awkward silent moments.

 

[R3K]

unless she's a member of this website... women are built for chatting your ears off. That actually sounds like a routine "date"/hangout you had there, if you ask me.

thing is with girls, you gotta ask them a lot of questions about themselves, cause they like talking. you don't necessarily have to bust out clever, savvy discertations or lectures in the conversation, just get her conversational motor running and goose it along here and there... let them do all the work.

about dating in general... i was on a serious s**t streak from about 02 to 09: like no dates, girls didn't even look my way, nothin. over the last two years though i've gone on dates with four girls, though none developed past that into g/fs. I started to realize what works for me-- placating the girls in a sort of procedure-based thing. i just use my (still developing) dating skills and plug the woman into the equation. if i suvive the first date or 2 then i start taking her seriously and treat her as more than just an element of the equation. if i do terribly and she stops responding to my texts then it's like forget about her. i take what i learned and go back to the drawing board and rework my game. i know it's wierd, and sounds like i'm objectifying women, but... s**t it's either that or massive anxiety then depression for me

 

[RN3]

It could backfire, but would you rather take your chance. We always think of the bad things that could happen, but think of the good.

It could back fire and rejection is hard even for people without sa. but I still think you should ask her out if she's still free. however, you must be prepared for rejection. If she says no do not internalize it. rejection is a part of life for everyone.

 

[JamesSmith]

hey james, sorry that you have been through similar situations, does it get any easier or better for you to go out?
it wasn't a date tho, were friends, i just fancy her, wanted to tell her how i feel but that will never happen now. whats the point.
she is just generally very chatty, so i feel its a disaster due to me not talking much. and there was a few of those awkward silent moments.

Well I was trying to say in my post that I don't have very much experience at all. I've gone on dates with the same woman, and that was five years ago. That's the only girl I've ever gone out with, so I can't really tell you if things would get better or worse with dating cuz I never found out.

I was just saying that I didn't say much and my g/f at the time thought of everything to talk about and did most of the talking on our dates. I must have said "yeah I know" at least 10 times on one date from what I remember. But since it was just me and her, I liked the conversation and felt like I was part of the conversation even though she did the bulk of the talking. If you think about it, it does kind of make sense that the shy person lets the outgoing person talk the most. If I was expected to do most of the talking the conversation wouldn't have flowed as well as it did.

I think what you are mad about is that you think you don't talk enough. You are being too hard on yourself. You don't need to be this alpha male, super confident, outgoing socializer. The only thing that matters is that both of you enjoy your time together. The "just be yourself" quote is cliche, but it is true, also.

 

[aidan]

ok a little update..
well i took everyone's feedback and advise and i plucked up the courage and sent her a message through facebook explained all about my SA and the way i am so introverted and told her i fancied her too. she was cool about it, and was glad i opened up to her and she 'thinks' she feels the same way about me but needs time, as the timing was bad, she had a chat with her ex boyfriend recently he want to get back with her. she isn't sure whether to try with him or well with me. so i will keep my distance. she said if we were to take it further it would have to be very slow and not committing to anything but she needs time to think stuff over and get her head sorted with it all, i feel kinda regretful for telling her and at the same time proud im taking the first steps. im really trying to change my life around since i met her. im trying hard

 

[Feathers]

Well, you are brave for telling her and for changing your life!! YAY!

So, if it's with this girl or another, you'll be ready!

I know someone who was diagnosed with bipolar and was on meds/mood stabilizer, working, was married, one kid, got divorced (his ex wife had some serious troubles too), *is married again*!!! They seem to be a great couple (?) So, even with troubles, some people seem to make it-??

There is a lot you can do against health problems with nutrition/lifestyle makeover too.. soo, fingers crossed for ya!!