I want to die.

[agoragirl]

Im so freaking tired. I`m not alive anymore; I just excist.

Agoraphobia is about to kill me. I have not left my house for almost 2 years, have no friends and my family says I just need to "get it together".

Just dont see the point in continuing this "life". Cant remember the last time I was OK.

I have NOBODY. I am NOBODY.

I want to die, this pain is too much.

 

[Sora]

Are any of us really ok? What is ok?

I don't know and never will. We just have to try and survive until the end.

You tried online friends? That seems to work best for me as being around people too much drains me

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Tell people on the board your location. Maybe you can meet someone from here that has overcome agoraphobia.

 

[kyle]

How old are you?

 

[mismeek]

If you want to die, why don't you just throw yourself outside? That's pretty much what I did. my agoraphobia got so bad that I was just like..pfft im dying in here.. I might as swell die out there.

 

[theslowesthand]

Agoraphobia is about to kill me. I have not left my house for almost 2 years, have no friends and my family says I just need to "get it together"

I haven't quite got Agoraphobia it seems (as no panic attacks), but i do live a virtually house-bound life, not going anywhere, barely even outside, & not seeing anybody on most days. And currently life is a daily battle just to get through the day. So i have been studying metaphysics/spirituality/new-age/etc stuff (a lot), as that's really the only avenue of hope left for me now.

Just dont see the point in continuing this "life

Your point in life is to learn life lessons for your eternal soul's evolution.

I have NOBODY

I have NEVER "had anybody".

I am NOBODY

You're on the right path to TRUE self-knowledge, as the true "us" is indeed "nothing" (from the typical 3-d/5-senses human perspective) - pure unmanifested spirit (which is FAR from "nothing" in the spiritual realm!). Quite often, it's those who have been forced or compelled into extreme isolation, that have been able to gain uncommon ground insofar as spiritual evolution is concerned.

I want to die, this pain is too much

God/universe gives you as much as you can handle, not more. Think vissipana yoga - that pose puts their joints through excutiating pain, with a good reason - it teaches them that they can handle ANY amount of "pain" that life gives them. EMBRACE this pain, and seek MORE of it, as it's only "bad" for the remnants of the ego-based you; the REAL you DOESN'T FEEL this pain ar all.

 

[Flanscho]

It's always a bit strange for me to read that someone hasn't left the house for two years. Unless that person earns money by working from home, that only seems to be possible if the person is supported by someone. If I'd stop leaving the house, I couldn't earn money. I couldn't pay the bills, and would be thus thrown out of my flat. If I would starve before that, when I'd run out of money for food delivery services.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Agoragirl,

If your family doesn't understand you, you can find people here and elsewhere online that will understand you!

Some people on this forum beat agoraphobia - slowly, small steps, CBT, help of therapist...?

Also look at this website, there are hotlines so you can call someone and/or online support! Home | Befrienders

You could maybe even find an online therapist?

You are SOMEBODY and your family would miss you very much!! even if maybe now they don't understand you... There are a lot of hikikomori kids all over the world and their parents love'em very much too... In Japan, there are now services to help these kids, elsewhere I don't know... It would be great if there would be elsewhere too...
I was suicidal as a teen and would miss many great things if I acted upon it then!!

In my country, you can also get hospitalized if you have suicidal thoughts, so that is one option too. Better than actually doing it! You could meet other people in similar situation too and maybe even make some friends!

Flanscho, you are lucky to be able to earn money by yourself, some people aren't quite there yet... In some areas or countries it may not be so easy to get a job etc.

 

[Lowlight]

If I may ask what are the specific reasons for your agoraphobia (I'm not to well versed on the subject to begin with).

There is a Sun Tzu quote that goes something like, "If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."

It seems to me that first you must understand the causes and roots of these destructive thoughts. This is knowing the enemy. After having an understanding of your thoughts you can step back and see how they are transitory and cannot hurt you. This is knowing your true self.

There are ways, depending on your mindset, that you can overcome these feelings. Personally, and I would suggest this to many people on this forum, the lifestyle that is most beneficial is one that is simplistic and helpful.

Throw off the ego that constantly demands more of everything (money, power, fame...), and instead devote your life to the assistance of others. Even if helping others means as little as volunteering at a soup kitchen or animal shelter you will strengthen your self worth. However long it takes isn't important as long as you are striving to improve your position. You will begin to see that you ARE SOMEBODY.

 

[Nanita]

Agoragirl, I´m sorry you are feeling this way, I wish you will feel better sometime soon.

I think the comments given to you by theslowesthand and Feathers have some very good points.

It has been very helpful to me reading metaphysical and spiritual books. I was very sad and suicidal when I was younger, but as I began reading certain books, I got some needed light and sense of meaning with my life. I could recommend you book titles, if you are interested.

Have you been in therapy? And if yes, did you feel that it helped you in some way?

I have been in different kinds of therapy through the past 12 years. I have been in therapy that didn´t help me at all, but I kept wanting to find just the right therapy that would actually help me. And I´m glad I kept looking for the right therapist, because now I have a therapist that is really helping me and making a huge difference in my life.

Your family telling you to "get it together", is not a very helpful way to apprach your issues, because obviously it´s not about just getting it together, so don´t listen to anyone telling you so, they don´t know what they are talking about and obviously don´t understand your pain.