I want girls in my life
- Thread starter leo62
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spectator
Well-known member
I used to want girls in my life but these past few days I'm starting to get sick of getting depressed about not having one. I'm avoiding all contact I make with females. I'm not looking at any girl who walks past me down the street. I hope as time goes on I can forget they exist and focus on my family, my studies, and games or movies and things, and just ignore romance/sex/love wherever it pops up (which is difficult in this country or in Europe). Hopefully I can get into a profession which involves something very thrilling, maybe an army doctor, or a detective for interpol. So I'll be of some worth to all the normal people out there in society, and my desire to live will stem from being in constant danger. Because if I go on like this, I'm simply going to lose that desire to live. Hopefully I can finish university soon and get to "living."
EveM
Well-known member
Thelema said:
You don't need to get a car or new clothes.. wouldn't you rather find a girl who likes you for you, not because you have a car! Don't feel the need to change yourself. I know it's easier said than done but don't lose hope of finding someone and think positively
The_9th_passenger
Well-known member
Manta said:
1. I can't have confidence in myself on social events. Has someone ever heard of Social Phobia?
2.- i'm only funny because others laugh AT me (not with me) and it seems there's nothing i can do against that. Seems like i'm ridiculous and unable to stand myself against others.
3.- ah yes.., i could make a girl feel comfortable... if she did like me and like to be with me, but being a ridiculous SP and with such little self confidence...
And by the way... how are we supposed to gain social skills when we are unable to socialize. And i tell you: i've bee for YEARS doing my best to be social, and some times even succeeded. But in overall, i am just the same, that means: i still have the same problem with people (known as SP) wich makes me unable to be social and bla bla bla bla bla and so on...
And about being onself.... shit! i just DON'T wanna be myself! I wanna be another person without SP and with a normal face.
The_9th_passenger
Well-known member
Did I tell you? I'm already 37... no girl... never in my life!! ¿¿How can i believe that something will happen if it has never happened in 20 years??EveM said:Thelema said:
You don't need to get a car or new clothes.. wouldn't you rather find a girl who likes you for you, not because you have a car! Don't feel the need to change yourself. I know it's easier said than done but don't lose hope of finding someone and think positively
The_9th_passenger
Well-known member
Ah yes something more:
Is NOT that i fear rejection... cause i've been rejected already several times in more than 20 years... it's sadness, it's self-hate, it's awful feeling about should i kill myself or what?, is my already low self steem rolling over the mud of the swamp of sorrows, it's depression...
what i really fear is the enourmous pain i feel everytime someone reminds me that i'm not good enough.
Is NOT that i fear rejection... cause i've been rejected already several times in more than 20 years... it's sadness, it's self-hate, it's awful feeling about should i kill myself or what?, is my already low self steem rolling over the mud of the swamp of sorrows, it's depression...
what i really fear is the enourmous pain i feel everytime someone reminds me that i'm not good enough.
HappyShopper
New member
A car?
Ok yeh, a car is cool - but I'm pretty damn sure that's not what girls are after! Also nice clothes etc, yeh it's nice but it's not that important.
The best way to attract girls is to be yourself - really that is all there is to it. Find some qualities about you which you know are good - or think about something which someone has complimented you on a few times. Like maybe, sense of humour, that you're a good listener, etc, etc.
And put yourself out there - sell yourself! Don't be afraid to get to know girls, even if things don't work out how you want.
To some extent the other guy was right in nice clothes etc.. but it's not so much that, it's about putting something on which makes you feel good.
Ok yeh, a car is cool - but I'm pretty damn sure that's not what girls are after! Also nice clothes etc, yeh it's nice but it's not that important.
The best way to attract girls is to be yourself - really that is all there is to it. Find some qualities about you which you know are good - or think about something which someone has complimented you on a few times. Like maybe, sense of humour, that you're a good listener, etc, etc.
And put yourself out there - sell yourself! Don't be afraid to get to know girls, even if things don't work out how you want.
To some extent the other guy was right in nice clothes etc.. but it's not so much that, it's about putting something on which makes you feel good.
SocialRetahd
Well-known member
The_9th_passenger said:
Being confident and all that bullshit is just what they say in personal ads. They really want good looking guys or guys with lots of money. You could also try and become an alpha male.
SocialRetahd
Well-known member
Thelema said:
Why are inexperienced people giving advice???
eR1k
Active member
In my opinnion you can grow balls the size of coconuts when it comes to approaching women, in the end the fact you don't have anything to offer them is way worse than being love shy.
Finding love in life is just a side effect of living your own life to the fullest. I've been love shy myself, depending on luck to get affection from women, but it never worked out because I was to needy. Because chances at romance were rare for me at the time, I was scared as hell to lose it. Such a paradox, when you stop to care things will change for the better.
Two years ago I realised I had to take charge of my own life. I choose to take control despite of the emotional scars from my childhood. I talked about my problems, lots and lots of introspection and at this point in time girls start chatting me up. Amazing isn't it.
If you want love in your life, you have to work hard because you choose to. Fight your mental demons, one step at a time. Start to appreciate who you are and let your tallents blossom.
When you are starting to respect yourself for who you are, and that you are a winner because you choose to take care of all your problems, you will experience all the pieces falling into place. All these tough experiences you have dealth with makes you stronger, and it will show in the way you carry yourself as a man. This is by far the most important thing if you want to be succesfull with woman. If you start to appreciate who you are as a person and start to enjoy life, women will notice. They want to join in on the fun you are having. That's because you also have a lot to offer them at this point.
And ofcourse to give yourself an edge, stylish clothing and a nice car will help, but only when you are happy with who you are. There is no quick fix, it takes a firm commitment and faith in the fact that you are ultimately responsible for the life you live and no one else.
Have some faith, everyone has a fair shot at love in this life. Some have to work harder than others to get it, but hey that's life.
Finding love in life is just a side effect of living your own life to the fullest. I've been love shy myself, depending on luck to get affection from women, but it never worked out because I was to needy. Because chances at romance were rare for me at the time, I was scared as hell to lose it. Such a paradox, when you stop to care things will change for the better.
Two years ago I realised I had to take charge of my own life. I choose to take control despite of the emotional scars from my childhood. I talked about my problems, lots and lots of introspection and at this point in time girls start chatting me up. Amazing isn't it.
If you want love in your life, you have to work hard because you choose to. Fight your mental demons, one step at a time. Start to appreciate who you are and let your tallents blossom.
When you are starting to respect yourself for who you are, and that you are a winner because you choose to take care of all your problems, you will experience all the pieces falling into place. All these tough experiences you have dealth with makes you stronger, and it will show in the way you carry yourself as a man. This is by far the most important thing if you want to be succesfull with woman. If you start to appreciate who you are as a person and start to enjoy life, women will notice. They want to join in on the fun you are having. That's because you also have a lot to offer them at this point.
And ofcourse to give yourself an edge, stylish clothing and a nice car will help, but only when you are happy with who you are. There is no quick fix, it takes a firm commitment and faith in the fact that you are ultimately responsible for the life you live and no one else.
Have some faith, everyone has a fair shot at love in this life. Some have to work harder than others to get it, but hey that's life.
kyle
Banned
This is what works for me:
- eye contact. most girls get turned off by poor body language. make sure to look her in the eyes constantly
- sense of humor. if you can make her laugh, it is a major step towards the bedroom
-alcohol. alcohol has been proven to work as an aphrodisiac for females. I have gone for drinks with woman, and 3 hours later, we are wrestling naked in the bedroom.
-ask questions about her. everyone likes to talk about themselves. if you listen attentively, she will like that, as it will seem you care about what she has to say.
-boldness. girls mostly aren't interested in wimps. if ou feel there is chemistry, bust a move. It usually works for me, although when it doesn't I feel deeply embarrassed. still it is worth it, when you march like a soldier into her bedroom.
- eye contact. most girls get turned off by poor body language. make sure to look her in the eyes constantly
- sense of humor. if you can make her laugh, it is a major step towards the bedroom
-alcohol. alcohol has been proven to work as an aphrodisiac for females. I have gone for drinks with woman, and 3 hours later, we are wrestling naked in the bedroom.
-ask questions about her. everyone likes to talk about themselves. if you listen attentively, she will like that, as it will seem you care about what she has to say.
-boldness. girls mostly aren't interested in wimps. if ou feel there is chemistry, bust a move. It usually works for me, although when it doesn't I feel deeply embarrassed. still it is worth it, when you march like a soldier into her bedroom.
nikki_marie
Active member
i think that really girls just want guys to be....guys! i mean we want a friend in a guy as well, coz u need that respect there. they come in all shapes n forms, so depends what girls like in a guy. if we talking specific qualities then generally:
we want a bloke we can have a giggle with
someone we know we can pick up the phone to when we in trouble
someone who will listen to our bablle and think its cute
we like a areguement now n then lol
yeh we dont want a bloke with no job! but u ent gota be rich, i think girls just want a bloke with abit of ambition more than anything.
and not a complete arsehole
quite simple things really
we want a bloke we can have a giggle with
someone we know we can pick up the phone to when we in trouble
someone who will listen to our bablle and think its cute
we like a areguement now n then lol
yeh we dont want a bloke with no job! but u ent gota be rich, i think girls just want a bloke with abit of ambition more than anything.
and not a complete arsehole
quite simple things really
Argamemnon
Well-known member
Typical sociaphobekyle said:
eR1k
Active member
Good post. The thing is when you suffer from shyness as a man, you usually wind up being the "nice guy". Being a people pleaser, due to the fact your self respect has to grow and other men conditioned you this way, doesn't get you anywhere in the game of love. Even if you find a woman who will put up with this kind of pleasing behaviour, you will not get the respect you deserve as a man. I'm talking about the everyday woman without an understanding of socialphobia.nikki_marie said:i think that really girls just want guys to be....guys! i mean we want a friend in a guy as well, coz u need that respect there. they come in all shapes n forms, so depends what girls like in a guy. if we talking specific qualities then generally:
we want a bloke we can have a giggle with
someone we know we can pick up the phone to when we in trouble
someone who will listen to our bablle and think its cute
we like a areguement now n then lol
yeh we dont want a bloke with no job! but u ent gota be rich, i think girls just want a bloke with abit of ambition more than anything.
and not a complete arsehole
quite simple things really
Then why do women always say they want a nice guy?, seriously ask your mother or any woman for that matter. Being a nice guy only appeals when women start to grow past their "party phase" of life, when they need someone to rely on and brings in a steady pay check. It's just that nice guys don't wind them up with all kinds of emotions. Women live for this how strange it may sound at first, just turn on the radio and you will hear the endless songs about being swept of their feet and outbursts of passion.
That's why nice guys do finish last. Jerks aren't any better than we are, but they get women to feel all kinds of strong emotions, eventhough these feelings might not always be possitive. They don't bore, that's the difference I guess.
I see people posting all kinds of techniques and tricks, but they won't get you anywhere. Sooner or later the woman who you have tricked into bed will find out you are a sociaphobe, because of your behavior and no trick will prevent that from happening. So if you want to be the kind of guy nikki_marie describes in her post, you have to work on your self respect and improve every aspect of your life.
theman
Well-known member
What shyness IS and what shyness ISNT
I don't mean any disrespect, because I know you're struggling with shyness, and I did too. I had about 5 dates between the ages of 15 and 30. Then I got rid of it and started teaching other guys to be rid of it. Here's my blunt two cents.
I think a lot of people who THINK they're shy are ACTUALLY something else.
When I was a shy person, I had this deep seated belief that shyness was a 'sweet' trait - that women would somehow find it a compelling quality if they just got to know me.
I also believed that it was one of my innate QUALITIES - that I was stuck with it.
Later I came to learn that shyness is actually composed of two things:
1. Selfishness
The ONLY thing you have to offer the world is not your fancy car, your money, or whatever else. The ONLY thing you have to contribute to the world is your own unique personality and your own unique talents you can share with others.
By being shy and avoiding contact with others, you are not sharing yourself. You are being SELFISH.
As a shy person I used to think I was being shy so as not to bother others, but actually shy people are being SELFISH when they do not share themselves with others.
What do YOU think of selfish people?
2. Untrusting
Shy people don't share themselves with others because they FEAR being judged or ridiciuled or hurt by others. Shy people ultimately approach the world and everyone in it with the attitude "I don't know if I can trust you not to hurt me so I will be guarded and defensive and distant to stay safe."
What do you think of someone who is being defensive and doesn't trust you?
In all likelihood YOU AVOID selfish and untrusting people. So if you're shy and you feel uncomfortable around others, it is likely that they will feel uncomfortable around you, the same way a dog growls at people who are afraid of dogs. Its a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.
But the moment you realize this and start to question your need to be shy, and start trusting that the world and the people in it are out to HELP you and WANT you to share yourself, your life can change.
This is an important thing for shy people to think about.
Shyness is only a sweet quality in a BOY, not a mature MAN.
Try this: walk around the block and ask 10 people where the nearest coffee shop is. You'll notice that 9 if not 10 out of 10 WANT to help you - they WANT to see you succeed.
Maybe the world is worth a little more of your trust?
I don't mean any disrespect, because I know you're struggling with shyness, and I did too. I had about 5 dates between the ages of 15 and 30. Then I got rid of it and started teaching other guys to be rid of it. Here's my blunt two cents.
I think a lot of people who THINK they're shy are ACTUALLY something else.
When I was a shy person, I had this deep seated belief that shyness was a 'sweet' trait - that women would somehow find it a compelling quality if they just got to know me.
I also believed that it was one of my innate QUALITIES - that I was stuck with it.
Later I came to learn that shyness is actually composed of two things:
1. Selfishness
The ONLY thing you have to offer the world is not your fancy car, your money, or whatever else. The ONLY thing you have to contribute to the world is your own unique personality and your own unique talents you can share with others.
By being shy and avoiding contact with others, you are not sharing yourself. You are being SELFISH.
As a shy person I used to think I was being shy so as not to bother others, but actually shy people are being SELFISH when they do not share themselves with others.
What do YOU think of selfish people?
2. Untrusting
Shy people don't share themselves with others because they FEAR being judged or ridiciuled or hurt by others. Shy people ultimately approach the world and everyone in it with the attitude "I don't know if I can trust you not to hurt me so I will be guarded and defensive and distant to stay safe."
What do you think of someone who is being defensive and doesn't trust you?
In all likelihood YOU AVOID selfish and untrusting people. So if you're shy and you feel uncomfortable around others, it is likely that they will feel uncomfortable around you, the same way a dog growls at people who are afraid of dogs. Its a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.
But the moment you realize this and start to question your need to be shy, and start trusting that the world and the people in it are out to HELP you and WANT you to share yourself, your life can change.
This is an important thing for shy people to think about.
Shyness is only a sweet quality in a BOY, not a mature MAN.
Try this: walk around the block and ask 10 people where the nearest coffee shop is. You'll notice that 9 if not 10 out of 10 WANT to help you - they WANT to see you succeed.
Maybe the world is worth a little more of your trust?
Argamemnon
Well-known member
That was an excellent post theman, although a little simplistic IMO, since it's not that easy for everyone to control their anxiety?
nikki_marie
Active member
yeh theman i totally agree with your post from my own experiences, not to do with dating mind, inless ur PROPA shy, girls dont really have problems if they shy with romance.
but on a general level, what you say is true. people dont wait for your move so they can attack you, people generally just going about their buissness makin odd chitchat along the way, no one really cares 5 mins after stuff has happened lol thinking people will care is abit egoistic in a way.
i posted a post similair, comparing shy people to narsistic people in away, one if extremely shy the over is extremly outgoing (in more cases of narcsism) but the cognitive proceses r the same 'people are thinking about me'.
again nice post
but on a general level, what you say is true. people dont wait for your move so they can attack you, people generally just going about their buissness makin odd chitchat along the way, no one really cares 5 mins after stuff has happened lol thinking people will care is abit egoistic in a way.
i posted a post similair, comparing shy people to narsistic people in away, one if extremely shy the over is extremly outgoing (in more cases of narcsism) but the cognitive proceses r the same 'people are thinking about me'.
again nice post