I want girls in my life

[theman]

True, Argamemnon, its not easy. But it can be simple.

Because a shy man already has the abilities he needs to be socially GENEROUS and TRUSTING of the world, its just a matter of circumventing the barriers.

A lot of shy people are able to instantly access these abilities when you remove the perceived risks in the situation - ie - ask people for the nearest coffee shop (trust that people want to help you), or jump into a taxi and ask the driver to take you somewhere (trust that the driver will not kidnap you), or observe shy adults with small children (social generosity when they start asking the children questions and answering the children's questions) etc.

A little self-observation, which the shy are EXTREMELY good at, and some experimentation can be all it takes.

Sometimes working backwards works as well:

leo62 - take a good 10 minutes, and write down all the qualities you've always wanted - the confidence, the 'life of the party', the cool, calm relaxed powerful demeanor with women - whatever it is you want that you aspire to. Now fold that list up and put it in your pocket, go outside and do your best IMPRESSION of that man. Walk around the block. You don't have to talk to anyone or do anything special, just feel like that guy, walk like that guy, breathe like that guy, dress like that guy, carry yourself like that guy, even puff out your chest like that guy, hold your chin up like that guy. Whatever he would do, you do.

Tomorrow, do it again, but go into the corner store and buy something small, and interact with the clerk as THAT GUY would.

Gradually increase those interactions to include people onthe street, pretty girl behind you in line, etc.

There are lots of ways to approach this leo, that way I'd call a 'backwards' method because it involves adopting someone else's game until it filters into you from the outside. You just have to find the way that makes sense for you.

None of it has to do with your car or your stuff. Its all about what you're made of, and how much you want the change. The rewards are endless.

You're right on, nik about the narcisism! They don't care about anything you did 5 minutes ago, even if it was you getting blown out by the hottest girl in the room.

 

[Argamemnon]

I don't think I'm a narcissist; I hope I'm not

 

[eR1k]

I agree with theman, there are a 1000 reasons why you could have been held back all your life; dysfunctional family, bullying or what not. You don't have to fix all these problemes before you can start to make some real progress in life.

If you want to break that cycle you have to take one step at a time. Start small and you will prove your unconscious mind you aren't shy after all, or at least not as shy as you thought you were. Your brain remains plastic your entire life, which means you have the power to change and devellop your character into a positive social person.

It's just that people withdrawn in isolation for so many years, have to first pay their dues to society. You won't reach your goals overnight, but if you work hard you will eventually be the man you have always wanted to be. It is going to happen, if you are granted enough time. It won't be easy, but once you start making some progress you begin to see things through new eyes. This is where your new found motivation kicks in and you will experience an upward spiral !

All your remaining problems, that caused you to be shy initially, will start to fade away. The respect and confidence you get from actively trying to be the best man you can ever be, will make sure of that. You will have new and better tools and a highly improved skillset to beat these remaining problems.

In short I think you are responsible for your own life and no one else. Don't be afraid to improve yourself. Being yourself is the worst single piece of advice I've ever gotten. If you stay yourself all your life you won't learn anything new. You keep getting the results you have gotten all your life, and since you are vissiting this forum these results are not satisfying to you. You have to stay true to yourself always that's the thing that matters, there's a big difference between those two beliefs.

Have an open mind, take the excellent advice theman has given you and try it out for yourself. Even if you feel misserable doing it, you will have given your unconcious mind a swift kick in the ass, a wake up call. You can change and will change, because you choose to make it happen.

EDIT:

I don't think I'm a narcissist; I hope I'm not

You are not a narcissist, perhaps your shy behaviour resembles some aspects of a narcissist. If you say you ARE a narcissist that means it's an unchangeable characteristic of your personality, which ofcourse isn't the case. I don't really think it's genetic, and therefore you have the full potential to change that aspect into whatever you like.

 

[nikki_marie]

sorry i didnt mean shy people are narcist's lol i ment theres just some similarities
sorry guys

 

[Kien]

I don't want girls in my life. I hate falling in love. I wish I couldn't feel and attraction and had no sex drive, it's quite weak though. I could never live with someone, I could never care for someone as much as myself. I can never be liked by some girl and I was never ment to be. Still I had the bad luck to fall so heavily in love with a girl at work last summer. (<,<)

 

[theman]

I don't believe you Kien

I don't believe you Kien. Those words sound like things that you are in the process of trying to MAKE yourself believe out of fear, not things that you REALLY believe.

I challenge you: Try making another posting with the OPPOSITE sentiments in it. Even if you don't THINK you believe it, just do it to see what it feels like to do it.

 

[Kien]

Everyone has a tiny longing for closeness, like an instinct but I can see through that instinct that realize that i isn't something for me. Seriosuly I don't want to feel any attraction. Some (or many) are not made for love, thet are not what anyone of the other gender seeks, and will never experience it. The bad thing is that many of those people wants it just as much (or more??) than common people.

Damn girl, I knew that I would sooner or later fall in love with her at the first moment I saw her. Gave me such angst.