I need support, I'm feeling lonely :(

[Falkor]

It's difficult right now, I'm in college and I have not really someone to hang on with. I'm constantly alone in the breaks, hiding in the toilets. I'm avoiding the canteen 100 % of my time, I never go with the rest, that means.

I feel insecure when I have to wait at the hallway in front of the door of the class for the teacher, he is always 2 minutes late so I need to face all the pupils walking by, boys and girls, It's getting me so uncertain, all those looks and the classmates looking at me oddly when I am scared so much.

I'm always alone and I feel like crying when I wait there, I feel like crying when I'm in the breaks, in the toilts, I feel like crying when I go to the store to buy bread alone, I feel on the edge of crying because everybody is having fun and I'm just a loner.

Please I need advice to find friends or make friends at college or at least to DEAL with this feeling. Maybe friends outside school could make me feel better or just some more company..

Does anyone feel the same or can give me tips?

 

[MikeyC]

Unfortunately I don't have any advice but I am really sorry you're going through this.

 

[Darkness_'82]

You could try reading a book. It'll help pass the time and keep your mind occupied. When I was in high school, I hated the break times. I'd just stand there in the corridor looking at the ground with my hands in my pockets and not talking to anyone. I used to think of my favourite movies and play whole scenes from them in my head.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can relate to you 100% and I know how awful it is.
I don't know what to say but is there any person or group that you think you might like? Maybe you can try to hang out with them, you don't have to be close just be with them. Also you can try going to the canteen and chat with some people here and there, though you don't have to do this if its something you really don't want. I wish I could help but its something I'm trying to figure out myself.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I'm so sorry, but I can assure you that EVERYBODY feels like this at some point. This is reassuring, because those people who are 'happy and have tons of friends' understand where you're coming from, we all do, you are part of us, you are not alone, and if you show this side of yourself, you will find acceptance, love, affection...

The only advice I can give you is try to put yourself out there, meetup.com is a great place to look, look for an anxiety or depression group that way you can go there and not worry about showing your anxiety or depression, it's a great start!!

 

[Falkor]

@Escape Artist:

Thank you. Yeah, I'm glad this is a feeling almost everybody knows, so it's not weird. The most hard step is just to ''get out here'' and ''find friends'' I mean, It's so ridiculously hard.

meet up is a very good place, thanks. I am already a member though I never went to one of those meet ups, I'm so insecure by going alone, did anybody ever go alone, and is that normal?!

Btw, there ain't no anxiety meet ups in Holland, sigh.. I just wished I lived in Canada now!!! Gosh.. There are so many anxiety meet ups.. I really wanna go there.

@MikeyC:

That's okay. Thank you <3

@Sjirita52:

Yeah there are people I like in the class though it's really hard to make contact with them, there is a guy who is talking to me in class sometimes but I don't really know exactly how to reply, when we would be 1 to 1 it would be so much easier! But in a group, i'm like. Eh, yeah. Crap. But, I really wish I could!

Btw good news everybody.. I will get a coach from my therapist, who will go to the canteen with me, might seem silly, but at least I got some company and someone who wants to support me!

@Darkness_82:

Good plan, I will read then to escape from reality. A book is so much better, I can be anything there.

 

[pop-princess]

I can totally relate to your story, I used to be just like you! When I started high school I only had two friends in my class that I felt secure with. When they weren't there (we didn't always read the same courses) I was always hiding in the toilet during the breaks or just walking alone trying to look "busy" playing with my phone. Inside I was dying and I was also skipping these classes a lot because I couldn't deal with the loneliness.

I had to get help for my inability to talk to people at school so after some cognitive therapy I started some new courses with new people. At first I was scared to death but after some time I started to find it easy to start talking to people. So for me getting help has been very good and useful.

 

[Falkor]

I can totally relate to your story, I used to be just like you! When I started high school I only had two friends in my class that I felt secure with. When they weren't there (we didn't always read the same courses) I was always hiding in the toilet during the breaks or just walking alone trying to look "busy" playing with my phone. Inside I was dying and I was also skipping these classes a lot because I couldn't deal with the loneliness.

I had to get help for my inability to talk to people at school so after some cognitive therapy I started some new courses with new people. At first I was scared to death but after some time I started to find it easy to start talking to people. So for me getting help has been very good and useful.

That's a wonderful succesfull story i'm so proud you made it. This makes me wanna start a different course :/ But I can't.. Since I first need my diploma here.. Oh man how much I would freak out when I would have an exam.. I have so many fears.. I hope things will go fine. I have Severe anxiety, like huge. I am always playign with my phone too when people walk by, i am dying everytime when i'm at college. I remember at the start of college I was sooo positive and soo bright for every lesson and every lesson I said, Yeah great deal and was very talk-active in class (only in class, when we got assignments) and very interested. I'm still interested, but I lost my behaviour from then, could it be the medication that I'taking. Or is it a true depression that I just realized, I don't know anyone here yet still after one year and hate it here?

 

[string3r]

Is their anyone you could talk to in your class? If you see someone who looks like a generally nice person then I'm sure they wouldn't mind you hanging out with them.

It's scary as hell when approaching random people, but you have to understand that they're just normal human beings like you and me

 

[Gaucho]

hey Falkor.

you say there is one person who seems nice and he chats with you sometimes, so thats already a start. Maybe try small steps and purpose yourself to ask him something next day in class, something easy, maybe about homework or whatever. i know how you feel and can't give you any good advice.
I wish you the best.

 

[Falkor]

hey Falkor.

you say there is one person who seems nice and he chats with you sometimes, so thats already a start. Maybe try small steps and purpose yourself to ask him something next day in class, something easy, maybe about homework or whatever. i know how you feel and can't give you any good advice.
I wish you the best.

Thanks Gaucho. Nice username btw. He's second year though, I'm first, but hey i can ask him about his homework, how the things are in his year, to prepare myself. Thanks for the idea. Well, at least he is just as crazy as a pokémon, he loves digimon and pokémon he's crazy about it, he's crazy enough to say MUDKIP in the class, yeah, Insane on that age, but still so insane that I love him (friend wise) to sit nearby that I can just think, whateva. He's one of the few guys that I find very nice, and there's this other guy that loves my singing, he comes up to me sometimes, but right now he's on a holiday to Africa, and another classmate whose my internship ''couple thingy'' he is approaching me too, like hey Sassefras, just saying Hi, that's all never truly been into ''the group'' but have been with him on an internship just the two of us, but he was the ''extravert talker with all the people'' i was just in the background feeling, again, left out. but even though those three guys might seem good and all, i feel lonely since I make myself a loner by escaping to the toilets or outside and walk to another place when they go to the stores. and they walk so fast, I'm not gonna run after them, I just feel weird suddenly walk ''into the group''. They know I'm never there, so why should I do I just felt creeped out today by my own behaviour, I cried all day even in class, and I was standing in front of the hallway with a dark face and guys looked at me like wtf. But still, I don't have a chance to be in the group like they all do.. Hmm. Well at least that guy likes my voice.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

I felt the same way before I went to college. I ended up being homeschooled.

Believe it or not, people really don't mind when, out of the blue, you go up and say hi. I figured this out once I got into college.
So that is my advice. Just try talking.

 

[Prestonator]

It's difficult right now, I'm in college and I have not really someone to hang on with. I'm constantly alone in the breaks, hiding in the toilets. I'm avoiding the canteen 100 % of my time, I never go with the rest, that means.

I feel insecure when I have to wait at the hallway in front of the door of the class for the teacher, he is always 2 minutes late so I need to face all the pupils walking by, boys and girls, It's getting me so uncertain, all those looks and the classmates looking at me oddly when I am scared so much.

I'm always alone and I feel like crying when I wait there, I feel like crying when I'm in the breaks, in the toilts, I feel like crying when I go to the store to buy bread alone, I feel on the edge of crying because everybody is having fun and I'm just a loner.

Please I need advice to find friends or make friends at college or at least to DEAL with this feeling. Maybe friends outside school could make me feel better or just some more company..

Does anyone feel the same or can give me tips?

Hey Falkor!

Sorry that you feel like this, and hopefully you will be able to find some peace and support on this site. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

I haven't been through the same as you, but I can understand how lonely you must be feeling. Do you have any acquaintances around where you live? Or have family members that you could talk to about this?

Have you ever thought that these people who you say look at you when waiting outside your classroom, may be just glancing at you whilst passing by? Even some might just be in mid conversation and happen to look at you whilst thinking? They are probably not thinking about you standing there alone.

I know it might be hard, but at lunch, instead of sitting in the toilets, try to grab some lunch and maybe ask to share a table with someone who may also be sitting on their own....they might be feeling the same as you, you never know. Once you get talking to people you might feel better.

hope this helps....

 

[Boby]

Hey Falkor,I'm really sorry you have to go through this and because I don't have the same problems as you I can't give you much advice.All I can tell you is that you need to get out of your comfort zone,no hurry just do small baby steps,make a list of the actions that make you anxious and find the least hard to do and try to find the least risky way to do that action.
Well at least this is how I try to treat my fears and sometimes when I'm really dedicated I actually succeed.

 

[Hoppy]

I did it a few times when I was studying. I just went up to someone that seems non-threatening and introduced myself. It is very difficult in the beginning, but if you see someone who is in the same class as you standing alone just went up to him/her and say hi and asked their names. It actually works quite well, and it is nice to have someone to say hi to when you pass in the corridors.

 

[rxdc]

I know exactly what you're going through. Will probably go through it myself soon when I go back to school. I was never good at approaching people first to make friends. The thing I hate the most is eating alone in the cafeteria, it just feels so awkward.

What I did a few years ago, was just download a whole bunch of stuff to my netbook and watched during lunch and breaks if I was alone. Or read magazines, books, basically anything fun and interesting. Time flies if you're engrossed in something and you won't even feel awkward, well maybe a little.

Anyways, I wish you luck and hope everything turns out alright.

 

[Falkor]

I know exactly what you're going through. Will probably go through it myself soon when I go back to school. I was never good at approaching people first to make friends. The thing I hate the most is eating alone in the cafeteria, it just feels so awkward.

What I did a few years ago, was just download a whole bunch of stuff to my netbook and watched during lunch and breaks if I was alone. Or read magazines, books, basically anything fun and interesting. Time flies if you're engrossed in something and you won't even feel awkward, well maybe a little.

Anyways, I wish you luck and hope everything turns out alright.

Thanks, I just wish I could sit in the canteen with my netbook, I will try to.. I hope I can. Well at least there will be a trainer who will help me during the breaks soon, it will take another 3 weeks probably, but then I can finally have a company helping me by supporting me going to the canteen. It will be a supervisor helping me, might sound ridiculous, but I need him or her.

It's good to keep the mind distracted indeed, I always do that in class when I feel anxious, I will just study as hard as i can or just go browse on SPW or watch a movie. That's okay with the teacher.

 

[Waybuloo]

You must use the counselling service offered by your uni. I went through the same and came out after 3 years with only 1 friend and endless tortured moments. Almost had a break down, actually it was a continuous breakdown. I regret not seeking full psychiatric assessment and referral from my doctor. The earlier you seek professional help the better. None of this bull**** about joining clubs and societies and talking about your interests or asking lots of questions to people help because at the end of the day, your anxiety around people won't simply be overcome just because you do all of these things. You need to address what is causing you to feel anxious and only a professional can help, that or read lots and lots of psychology and behavioural books and self heal.

 

[Waybuloo]

If you are the same as me, as in having extreme difficulty not just in approaching people but in sustaining any contact, then I cannot stress enough the importance to not only talk to a professional but to get their help.

I tried being around people and talking, when I did that people either laughed at my face or moved away, some even just stopped dead the conversation and talked to someone next to me. I did not believe there was anything that wrong with me as my friends didn't react like that, nor did my family. Some people in the world are just not there to help you with the baby steps of socialisation. They want results and if there's anything about you they don't like they won't give you a chance. I can't believe how rude people can be. Anyway, if you see that someone is not going to reciprocate your efforts move away asap and try somebody else.

 

[Gaucho]

hi waybuloo, yeah... i also need professional help. but the shameless is so big. If i would get professional help, that would already be a big step for,even if the results would not be great.