I lied to my psychologist... should I tell the truth?

[flokkert]

Here's a dilemma for you guys:

(I didn't know where to post this, so I hope you don't mind that I've made a new thread just for my personal problem. Seems a little selfcentered....)

Anyway, I've just had an intake meeting with a psychologist about my social phobia. She went down this whole list of questions, to which I answered truthfully. Exept for one thing.
She asked me about my past relationships and if those relationships had involved sex. What I always tell people (if asked), is that I've had two so far and that I'm currently not seeing anyone, while in reality I've never actually had a relationship in my life, nor have I ever had sex. I'm 25, what am I supposed to say?
So I make something up. And that's exactly what I did in this case. On the way home it kept bugging me. I should have told the truth, but there's a great deal of shame I feel about it. Just writing it down now makes me feel uncomfortable...

Do you think next time I should tell the truth if that subject comes up again?
Or even if it doesn't? She asked me about it, so it must be relevant.
I don't know what to do!
If anyone could give me some advice, it'd be much appreciated!

 

[Felicidad]

Yes, don´t be embarrased. You should be honest. Perhaps, you don´t feel like to say this just now. At the beginning, but if this topic is important, it´ll rise along the therapy. Many people who are here have feel this fear in one moment. I remember that one of my more embarrased moment was when I went to my gynecologist and I have to say him that I was virgin at my 24 year-old.

If you don´t feel the necessity to say to your therapist this thing at this moment, don´t say it. I think is better you focusse on undertaken your social phobia. Good luck!

 

[StonedBob]

I think you should tell her the truth, especially if this subject matters for you and if you think that talking about it could be useful. No need to talk about it in your next session, better wait until you feel enough confident with your therapist. And don't feel ashamed because you "lied", your therapist won't judge because she knows it's a delicate subject.

 

[Argamemnon]

You should only say it when you are asked about it, but only to your psychologist. Don't tell it to anyone else. They will just ridicule you, most people are rude and judgmental. I used to tell people, but now I don't open my mouth about this subject anymore.

 

[rand0m_guy]

I can understand why you said that.

However, therapy must be based on trust for it to work, and as such, I would personally tell them about your little lie at the start of the next session. I'm sure you'll feel better for it, and your therapist will respect you for your honesty.

I'd just say something like 'before we start there's something I'd like to tell you about with regards to our last session *tell them the truth*, I'm sure you can understand my reasons for why I said what I did, but I felt kinda bad about it afterwards, I'm sorry...'

I hope things work out for you whatever you decide.

 

[StonedBob]

By the way, I agree with Argamemnon, no need to tell this to other people, because they don't understand it. They don't understand it's generally not by choice we have never been in a relationship but because of our anxiety.

 

[flokkert]

Thank you so much for your quick respons, everybody!
I agree with you that this is something I should be honest about.
I don't know if I can work up the courage to tell it just yet though.
Maybe I should wait for the right moment. I'm sure this is a subject that
will again be adressed in future sessions.
Jeez, I wish I'd been honest the first time! That would have saved me
a lot of worrying.

 

[StonedBob]

Maybe I should wait for the right moment. I'm sure this is a subject that
will again be adressed in future sessions.

Tell her the truth when you will feel confident enough with her, ther is no need to tell her at the next session.

Jeez, I wish I'd been honest the first time! That would have saved me
a lot of worrying.

No need to worry about it, it's a delicate subject and she certainly knows it, so she won't criticized you for having "lied".

 

[Havocan]

You've got to tell her the truth even if it is embarrassing because you're there so she can help you overcome this issue^^.

 

[manicexpressyv]

I agree with everyone here. Telling your psychologist the truth gives them the best chance to help you. Sure it may have been easier to say the truth the first time but that's great that you realize that now and are willing to make it right.

Maybe I should wait for the right moment. I'm sure this is a subject that will again be adressed in future sessions.

Tell them whenever you feel comfortable, but be careful you're not putting it off by "waiting for the right moment." Honestly, it's not that big a deal and it's your psychologist's job to understand so you needn't be worried. Just say, "I was a little embarassed last time, but the truth is..." and it'll be over and done.

Don't tell it to anyone else. They will just ridicule you, most people are rude and judgmental. I used to tell people, but now I don't open my mouth about this subject anymore.

Most people are not rude and judgmental. Our social anxiety causes us to perceive many people as rude and judgmental. People without social anxiety just don't consider a lot of the things we think about. That may make them seem insensitive at times, but it's really just not crossing their mind and you can't blame them for that.

That being said, I do agree that there are some things you just don't need to talk about. If other people find these things hard to relate to, it'll be difficult to use them in a positive manner in conversation. But avoid the thought that people are always judging you.

 

[Argamemnon]

Most people are not rude and judgmental.

Most people are certainly judgmental. That's my personal experience, both in real life and on internet!!

 

[StonedBob]

I completly agree with Argamemnon, people who knows i've been single all my life don't (and maybe cannot) understand why, and generally make fun of it (not all but the majority). They don't understand that it's not a choice I made, but just because of this f***ing anxiety.

 

[flokkert]

I hear you. My friends have been (in a friendly manner, but still) teasing me about my
lack of female companionship. I wouldn't call them judgmental, but they certainly don't seem to understand what lies at the core of it. I get questions like: "So when are you gonna get to it? About time, ain't it?"
I always used to have a funny way of talking myself out of that, but to tell you the truth, I have just about run out of smart-ass responses.

 

[Celephaïs]

One of my worries is the black and white thought process of many people. It's like, "oh they don't have a girlfriend so they must be gay". I know some of my relatives are on that mindset.

But lying to a doc isn't good at least where I come from. Just remember they are not there to judge you as professionals and if they do they should be fired.

 

[Argamemnon]

One of my worries is the black and white thought process of many people. It's like, "oh they don't have a girlfriend so they must be gay". I know some of my relatives are on that mindset.

That's hilarious indeed. It shows how clever the average person is!

 

[Off The Wall]

Yeah i hate being asked that question, i remember being asked., it was such an uncomfortable moment she was like looking at her paper waiting for me to answer and i'm like omg do i lie or do i not?..

but i told the truth, never got brought up again so that was good. i've been asked it when i go to the doctors too. i actually said um no not currently.. they are like so you've been "sexually active" before though?.. crap. umm noo. lucky they've been female both times.. i would be so much more embarressed if it were a male asking, but then im also embarressed to say yes i have?. so stupid why do people have to ask personal questions like that

 

[Argamemnon]

Well, people are brainwashed to believe that sex is the most important thing in life and that without it you are "worthless", or something like that, lol. It's ludicrous of course. I'm absolutely certain that having sex wouldn't change me as a person. I would still be shy, introverted and "highly sensitive". I would still have the same life, life values and goals etc. I wouldn't suddenly become a much "happier" person. I would still have the same problems.

 

[SickJoke]

Well, people are brainwashed to believe that sex is the most important thing in life and that without it you are "worthless", or something like that, lol. It's ludicrous of course. I'm absolutely certain that having sex wouldn't change me as a person. I would still be shy, introverted and "highly sensitive". I would still have the same life values etc. I wouldn't suddenly become a much happier person.

You never know... maybe it would change you. You might internalize a new belief: "I'm a sex-worthy guy," or "Women are attracted to me." That might be a big boost in confidence.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

You definitely should tell her the truth. Tell her how embarrassed you are about it & that's why you never said anything about it when she asked.

I was in your exact position in Aug. of '07. I was 25 & a virgin, but I told the truth about it, anyway, even though I was humiliated. She might be shocked, & you might even have to explain to her how bad your anxiety is, but it's still best to tell the truth. You have it a bit better than I did, at least. First my therapist asked about my sexual orientation, then about past sexual relationships.... so first, I told her I was a lesbian, then I had to listen to her as she told me it was impossible for me to know without any experience. You're very lucky you won't have to deal with that.
If you do decide to tell the truth (& I hope you do) Good Luck!!!
"Honesty is always the best policy."

 

[newbie]

to back everyone up, TELL HER THE TRUTH! they are very nice and don't judge and as you know its already confidencial

i had a chance with a girl, as i was getting into my S.A i kept putting her off and she was thinking that i must be gay, its stupid.