I just bailed out one step away.

[DannyO]

I was going to a club to meet up with two friends and possibly some workfriends to one of them. I took the car there and went in, my anxiety was increasing all the way but I was positive, felt pretty good apart from that. Anyway I searched around for them at the place, alot of people there, I was nervous but i know this happens, usually it dissapears in 30 minutes or so. Anyway I saw them, sitting in corner far in.

There was my two friends, two other guys I know, when I saw one of them my anxiety increased. I didn´t expect him, for some reason I have a hard time being around him. Anyway my frineds were talking to atleast two girls and they seemed to enjoy it. there were more people there that is and everyone seemed to be so socially competent and having fun and I was anxious as hell how could I go in?! Plus there was no way out if I went in, which I off course didn´t.

I walked around for a while and decided to leave I couldn´t take this discomfort. Had it just been my two freinds I would be standing at that club right now, not sitting here at home again. I just couldn´t face everyones attention on me at the same time plus going into a no exit zone! Plus the somewhat attractive girls in the midst of it! I even passed that guy I feel uncomfortable around when he went to the bathroom. I said nothing. I dont think he noticed me. Had he done that I could not have "escaped".

I know I wanted to have fun earlier today. But now the circumstances made this happen. I am not that down actually, more resigned and tired.

The crazy thing is that I was so close! Had that guy niticed me I would have been forced to approach the group! Or if they sat at another place and would have noticed me first but now my mind stopped me. Its like I dont control my life.

 

[Luke1993]

Okay so did the two friends of yours actually meet you or did you get away before they could see you? Sorry I got slightly confused at that part

 

[Tiercel]

Congrats on making it that far. Maybe next time you could sit with your friends, but tell them you've got some errands to run and you can't stay for too long? That way you have an easy out (you did say that you couldn't stay too long), and a simple way to stay longer if you feel comfortable (those errands can wait).

Or next time forget your friends and just talk to the pretty ladies.

 

[zav943]

Okay so did the two friends of yours actually meet you or did you get away before they could see you? Sorry I got slightly confused at that part

He got away with no one seeing him.


...

hahaha...oh man...can't say that never happened to me before. I don't get invited out that often / at all, so whenever I'm faced with the situation, it's tough. Just as I'm about to approach people, the "bail out" option is always there in my head...

I can think of many times that I bailed, but I also remember this one time when I sucked it up and went for it...
Some co-workers were playing beach volleyball...they gave me the date and time, and I showed up, only to realize that there were 8 courts and they were all full of people...

Now, out of the group I was supposed to be playing with, I knew only ONE person, so I was supposed to scour 8 courts for one person. And it was already nerve-racking with all the girls in bikinis standing at the entrance!

Naturally, I scoped the courts from my car and decided...screw this...I drove 5 minutes then made a 3 point turn and raced back. I parked my car, got out and (this is PATHETIC), for some reason, took out my phone and pretended to be talking to someone...I just wanted to avoid the specter of being asked who I'm looking for.
Eventually, I was able to see that one guy I know and I joined the game...and it was AWESOME! Not much social interaction, but it was fun playing a sport I was once very good at it once more...



It's ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS a challenge facing people when you have SA. Don't beat yourself up over this...forget about it...but next time, think of it as a challenge that you must face up to in order to conquer this phobia. Think to yourself: WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE? the worst that could happen in a club is you'll sit quietly and watch people do their thing. You can be sure that, eventually (perhaps with the help of alcohol), you will be forced into a conversation/dance.

For my next challenge, I'm going camping with some people from work - again, 3/4 of whom I don't know at all. It will be scary once I meet them...but I intend to do it, just to prove to myself that I am making progress.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[mads]

Congrats on making it that far. Maybe next time you could sit with your friends, but tell them you've got some errands to run and you can't stay for too long? That way you have an easy out (you did say that you couldn't stay too long), and a simple way to stay longer if you feel comfortable (those errands can wait).

Or next time forget your friends and just talk to the pretty ladies.

Agreed. Good tips.

Yes remember most women dont bite, I have so say most because you never know

 

[zlench]

At least your trying and making a go of it.

 

[Liberty]

I was going to a club to meet up with two friends and possibly some workfriends to one of them. I took the car there and went in, my anxiety was increasing all the way but I was positive, felt pretty good apart from that. Anyway I searched around for them at the place, alot of people there, I was nervous but i know this happens, usually it dissapears in 30 minutes or so. Anyway I saw them, sitting in corner far in.

There was my two friends, two other guys I know, when I saw one of them my anxiety increased. I didn´t expect him, for some reason I have a hard time being around him. Anyway my frineds were talking to atleast two girls and they seemed to enjoy it. there were more people there that is and everyone seemed to be so socially competent and having fun and I was anxious as hell how could I go in?! Plus there was no way out if I went in, which I off course didn´t.

I walked around for a while and decided to leave I couldn´t take this discomfort. Had it just been my two freinds I would be standing at that club right now, not sitting here at home again. I just couldn´t face everyones attention on me at the same time plus going into a no exit zone! Plus the somewhat attractive girls in the midst of it! I even passed that guy I feel uncomfortable around when he went to the bathroom. I said nothing. I dont think he noticed me. Had he done that I could not have "escaped".

I know I wanted to have fun earlier today. But now the circumstances made this happen. I am not that down actually, more resigned and tired.

The crazy thing is that I was so close! Had that guy niticed me I would have been forced to approach the group! Or if they sat at another place and would have noticed me first but now my mind stopped me. Its like I dont control my life.

Heh, I can really relate to that story. You'll get another chance.

 

[UnOccupied]

Hey Danny, i saw so much resemblence in myself and you, so i really appreciate this genuine story, because it happens to myself so much. I will force myself to go to a party, and quickly leave because im not feeling totally comfortable. I would love to hear some more about what you feel on a day to day basis. Good luck with the rest of your weekend. P.S., im staying in tonight also, and i didnt even make it to the club, i just stayed home.

 

[DannyO]

Thanks for the support! I really appreaciate it, hmm how do you spell appreciate? Google, ah thats it. (I am from Sweden, not that all swedish people spell bad.. Ahhhh whatever :

I didn't beat myself up much that day. Its funny though, how you can want something so much at one point and then when you are so close to it, it feels really really scary.

It feels good to hear that some of you have had similair experiences, actually the "same" thing happened the day before. I was signed up for a fotball meet up through the internet, all people know eachother and I know one guy there but he wasn't coming this day. Anyway I love playing fotboll and so much wanted to do it.

So I went out, thinking that, how hard can it be to find 5 guys on a big fotboll field? I think I know how one of them looks.. When I get there, there are three big groups playing and some smaller ones! And I realise I have no idea who the ones I am going to play with are and I have no way of contacting them because my friend isn't there! (Exactly like your beach vollyball zav943)

I walked with my own fotball in front of me until I got there but then I picked it up and placed it in my bag. I didn't want people to see that I was there to play fotboll because then they would wonder what the hell I was doing going onto the field and then walking right off it escaping into the night, as my back up plan was. And maybe they would invite me in to play with them, that would have been scary, to actually play fotball that I like.

I can just look back now and think how stupid it was, no big deal though. I didn't plan to well. I have met up with guys playing fotball before but then it was more thoroughly planned. The thing is that if in my had I was set on going to that field and approach a group of strangers to play fotball, it would have been easier... I think. Because then I would have a plan in my head that was aligned with reality.

Now reality didn't fit what I thought would happen. (They would stand there alone and I would instatantly see then and walk over)

Btw zav943 that was really strong, especially with att the lightly dressed girls there.

Can more people contest to the fact that women don't bite because I have some big issues with cute ladies.

And I have plans to actually start talking to them!

 

[Tiercel]

Can more people contest to the fact that women don't bite because I have some big issues with cute ladies.

And I have plans to actually start talking to them!

Do not fear their teeth, but their tongues! That is what they use to suck out our souls! Well, they usually use the tongue in combination with a straw.



I'm only kidding, ladies. You know I love you all.

But please leave my soul alone. And my milkshakes, too.

 

[Hannes]

I think it is great that you are actually taking the first steps towards action DannyO. At least you know that you want to go out with your friends and you took your first leap of faith towards actually doing it and you made it into the club.

Now all there is for you to do is to Kaizen this effort and improve on it one small step at a time. Remember, no one can keep you there against your will, so next time just go say hi and you will be amazed at how far you will get by taking it one step at a time.

If you would like to know more about what I mean about Kaizening your actions, why not go and have a read of this article:

Stop Anxiety Attacks One Step at a Time | Anxiety