i have a reason

[MsKitty]

im a girl who hates going out and meeting new people.. it would be ok if they were my closest friends but otherwise i would do everything i could think to not go out.. my family says that im anti-social, though this i true i have a reason....
the reason is that i am afraid of being rejected and/or unwanted..::
i've been rejected a few times and its kills me... so now im doing everything i can to not put myself in the risk of feeling that way.

what about you? do you a reason to what you do or feel??

 

[KiaKaha]

That is one of the fundamental reasons of social phobia in my opinion. I don't go out that much either because I am afraid I am going to say something stupid or come across really badly...and then end up being rejected or looking completely stupid. I have a weird "vibe" that puts people off me anyway...

 

[mrb]

the road to find a nice man is long sometimes iv been hurt quite a few times lol .... its the same for us men you know ... dont let getting hurt put you off looking for happiness , most people i knew have had a few partners , look at it this way , if you get hurt you learn by your Mistakes and next time you know what to aviod in a partner ... keep looking mr right is out there

 

[Ree_Ree]

I feel the same way all the time. This is definitely a symptom of social anxiety. I've always been this way but for most of my life I didn't know anything about SA or why I always stayed to myself and tried to avoid any social gathering life threw at me; of course I wasn't lucky enough to avoid all social situations. I thought I was the only one in the world this way.

 

[Tiercel]

Have you read about avoidant personality disorder at all, MsKitty? About two months or so ago I read about it after seeing it mentioned on this site for the year that I've been here. When I finally got around to reading the symptoms, I actually laughed out loud because it fit me like a finely tailored suit. Only a professional can officially diagnose you with anything, but when you find something that describes your problems perfectly after years of wondering it feels great.

As for why I am the way I am, well.... I've pretty much given up trying to be anything more than friends with women because every attempt I've made until now has failed. Some more spectacularly than others. But I know that if I completely and utterly give up, all I'll ever be is a reject. It's been impossible for me to even apply for a job for years because of my fear of rejection. And as silly as it sounds, I once asked for an application at a McDonald's and was told they weren't hiring. Talk about killing one's self esteem!

I can't even volunteer at a wildlife rehab place because I'm always afraid I'm not good enough. I desperately want to do some kind of work with hawks, even if it's just raking the crap out of their cages and giving them dead rodents. And I've read a lot about them, so I'm not just another idiot who thinks hawks are pretty. But I can't get over the fear that they won't think I'm good enough to shovel s---.

Oh, regarding the whole being rejected thing, I can't recall exactly how many girls I "wasn't good enough" for. As if I knew why they weren't interested in me. But I dedicated a rather nasty poem to them all back in college, and I've since gotten over it a bit. The way I look at it now? I don't care if 3 billion women reject me for various reasons, as I only need one to accept me for who I am.

Dealing with rejection is still difficult for me, but I figure if I never try I'll just be alone and miserable. Sooner or later I've got to find someone who doesn't despise me. Until then, all I can do is hold on to hope and keep trying.

 

[krs2snow]

I think the reason, while important, is only a fraction of the problem. The real question is "Am I happy doing what Im doing?" The Reason we do what we do is just the beginning of the solution. The real work comes when we realize we're unhappy w/the choices we're making and recognize those choices are self-made. Then progress can begin.

 

[Silvox Black]

It is good that you see the underlying reasoning for your actions, however I agree with Krs2snow in that you must see what truly benefits you or not. While the reasoning may be true, it is not always fair to you. It helps to have support from close friends, if not in real life, at least start from here in the forum.

 

[Mr.Moon]

I've never dealt with rejection well either, which is part of the reason I only had a couple of friends in HS and still now. Sometimes I think its better to have a few good friends you can know and trust rather then a huge crowd that you don't know a whole lot about. I dunno if that's an excuse for me or not..but still. I often seclude myself into anime or fantasy rpgs though. I have more fun doing nerdy stuff like that then going out to stuff like concerts. Plus they hurt my ears.

 

[harlseq]

I don't think I've ever been rejected simply because I've been too afraid to try anything in the first place.

 

[Feathers]

Great thread! I have problems with rejection/criticism too..

And WoW, Tiercel, we may have similar thoughts about volunteering (though I actually did volunteer some, cause my Mom made me to, and actually quite enjoyed it, some of the time.. but not with hawks..)

I actually got some very cool people interested and am now afraid to not **** it up later on, aagh...

Krs2snow & Silvox, I think you are right.. It's important to focus on what we want to do.. and ideally get support.. sometimes more easily said then done though, lol..

 

[Waybuloo]

I hate rejection. I have been rejected plenty of times, mostly friendship-wise, I suppose it's because i'm not 'cool' enough. But then I do have a few friends who for the life of me I can't figure out why they like me, due to rejection in the past. As a result I tend to be friendlier wiht people i'm not interested in (IRL). I'd love to be brave enough one day to strike up a convo with someone I find interesting.

 

[Feathers]

I hate rejection. I have been rejected plenty of times, mostly friendship-wise, I suppose it's because i'm not 'cool' enough. But then I do have a few friends who for the life of me I can't figure out why they like me, due to rejection in the past. As a result I tend to be friendlier wiht people i'm not interested in (IRL). I'd love to be brave enough one day to strike up a convo with someone I find interesting.

Waybuloo, do try it!! Sometimes you may be sooo pleasantly surprised!!

People may be attracted to all sorts of qualities - even if it seems 'nothing special' for you, it may be 'WOW' for someone else.. Or you just click...

 

[TimArends]

im a girl who hates going out and meeting new people.. it would be ok if they were my closest friends but otherwise i would do everything i could think to not go out.. my family says that im anti-social

That is not the definition of antisocial!!! Antisocial does not mean "shy." Antisocial means that you act in ways that are detrimental to the well-being of society. That is totally different from shyness! Don't ever fall for the antisocial label. If someone calls you that, then they don't know what the term means.