I have a question

Srijita52

Well-known member
I think I'm going through a particularly low phase of my life at the moment. Although I'm trying to put myself into social situations, do my best despite of feeling low. It'll take a while though before I can do all these things on a fairly consistent basis. As for now, there're times when I have to quit social events because I'm too anxious, sometimes I'll stay in my room the whole day because I'm feeling too depressed. But the thing is its hard to make "normal" people understand what's going on. I've been mocked, looked down upon, called lazy/loser because of this which of course isn't very helpful when you're already so down. What do I say when they ask, "Where have you been?", "Why do you go home so soon?" Telling the truth never works.
 

gazelle

Well-known member
I'm sorry about your phase. I've been in the same situation before where I've felt I couldn't stand being at a party anymore and left soon... usually I would tell them that I have stuff do to and that would suffice or you could tell them that you're tired and need to go home and rest?
AS for the "where have you been question", not sure what the context is exactly, but maybe you could tell them that you've been busy with your studies?
I know what you mean though, being around judgmental people who will mock you because of your depression is just more detrimental to your situation and probably worsens ones social anxiety.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
I'm sorry about your phase. I've been in the same situation before where I've felt I couldn't stand being at a party anymore and left soon... usually I would tell them that I have stuff do to and that would suffice or you could tell them that you're tired and need to go home and rest?
AS for the "where have you been question", not sure what the context is exactly, but maybe you could tell them that you've been busy with your studies?
I know what you mean though, being around judgmental people who will mock you because of your depression is just more detrimental to your situation and probably worsens ones social anxiety.
Thank you. Yeah, I guess it can work occasionally, I can't tell them this everyday though.
"I've been busy with studies" isn't much of an option atm because its just the begining of my semester and there isn't much studying to do and the people I usually hang out with are my classmates so they're aware of that.
 
How about saying something like "somebody is having a housewarming party/wedding shower/whatever that I have to go to" or to the question of "where have you been?" what about "I've been out of town for a while, family business." and let them speculate all they want. Mocking someone who's depressed and don't wanna leave the house just ain't cool, people should encourage and support you.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
How about saying something like "somebody is having a housewarming party/wedding shower/whatever that I have to go to" or to the question of "where have you been?" what about "I've been out of town for a while, family business." and let them speculate all they want. Mocking someone who's depressed and don't wanna leave the house just ain't cool, people should encourage and support you.

I think it might work. I'll try this next time.
Yeah, its not cool but you can't tell this to people who don't know the first thing about depression and think its just some lame excuse that weak people use to justify their inaction.
 
Q's

It is hard to make normal people understand how we feel sometimes. I believe that with being an introverts being around people and having to socially interaction for too long, or interacting in a way that is anxiety inducing or stressful tends to drain our energy more easily. We need a break from people sometimes, to recover and regain our energy alone before we can interact again. With anxiety it can be so draining that it's hard to ever interact at all on most days. For some people being around and socializing can actually give them more energy, they can just keep going on socialization for very long periods of time. This is just what I believe and have found to be true, but I have no real basis behind it.

Unfortunately, it can be hard to explain to people when it's something they won't personally understand. It's a hard question to answer, because what do you really say in response to that type of thing? You can always make up a lie that you have something else to do, or somewhere else to go. I'm not sure about a good honest answer to tell these types of people. I might just say sometimes like I just need to rest, need to be alone for a bit, or have something else to do. I also use the headache excuse a lot, though it's true a majority of the time. I hope you find something to say that works for you Srijita.
 
I don't know a good way of explaining to people that sometimes you just feel too depressed to leave the house. I think that at some point in the lives of 99% of people they will experience depression. They use it against people in social situations to make themselves look better I've noticed. When I have to attend social things I avoid people and there's always some outgoing person who will home in on me with their incessant questions like "who are you, who is your mom and dad, where do you work, where have you been," et cetera. I always give short, vague replies and leave them guessing. There's a little part of me that enjoys talking down to those types that try to pick me apart. The one phrase I use when I'm leaving an event like this is to find my old lady and ask her more loudly than necessary "Babe, this is lame. Lets go." That makes the people within earshot feel like morons and they don't stay too long after. Is it the mature thing to do? Probably not. But I enjoy my petty torments of those who choose to single out SA sufferers and put them in the spotlight at social functions.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Yeah, I made the big mistake of studying at a party and family gathering. Big no no! People looked at me like I was crazy or something. I don't socialize much at gatherings, but I should probably do that to practice my social skills.

What do I say when they ask, "Where have you been?", "Why do you go home so soon?" Telling the truth never works.

To the question "Where have you been?", you could come up with excuses like "I went to the bathroom", "I had a phone call I need to take", etc. To the question "Why do you go home so soon?" you could say "I had something urgent come up" or "I need to take care of something back home." Just give vague answers, don't need to go into details.
 

mikebird

Banned
I feel the same

Nothing's changed in my life for years. Lost. Alone.

Best chance I've got is to an invite to visit a family on the south coast, once or twice a year. All due to a school friend in the 1990s.

They make me feel much more normal. Having someone to speak to. I spend a few hours as a passenger of the sister, then another journey with brother (one to one chat) then all the way home. More pressure as a fifth member when eating. They have a good dog. It's a buzz. A boost. I feel that I drain on them and make them feel bad. It dwindles when I return home. No friends or family I can ever relate to.
The Mum & daughter are different types of psychologists.

I've come up with a plan for my Dad's funeral.
I've been lost about how to deal with it. Either to take the upper hand and take stage and announce what I want: really positive or negative... 'estimation time of ocurrence' 'yet to be announced' unknown

Likely to be the same with Mum's: my introvertal orb of selfishness - enough self-will to relase my own thoughts and opinions which will be in a completely different universe to my entirely female family of 8 and brother - extreme extraverted world of make-up, stilettos, wine & cigarettes, smiles & laughter. All married and younger. I'll keep shut, and not embarrassed about it. I used to imagine emptying my thoughts on stage when any more than one word
would be far too much for any of them to listen to. An immediate flurry of clapping and glee :applause:
I'd like to deliver a proper mindbending sermon / lecture

My decision currently is to say, when the formal ceremony is over,
that the quietness and low esteem of the junior brother of 3 reflects the upbringing. There was a book for mum. Big black pages with golden ink in a pen. All the contributions go no further than "she was nice & OK... xx xx"

I haven't added anything

Maybe better off not attending

Writing this, the late Mel Smith is described by all the BBC comedy actors who did things with him. I see this as these people show their own ways, highlighting themselves - not just the main man.
 

Quietguy11

Well-known member
People are superficial, and unless you master the art of superficialness you will never fit in with this world. Superficial people have no problems. They are perfect, happy, care-free people with not a worry or concern in the world. People who have problems (real people) are rejected by superficial people because superficial people want to live in their fantasy world where everything is a bed of roses. If you are the rejected type, it only means you have to find people who are like you. (Real people.) who you can share common interest with and develop a lasting friendship. You can't do that with the perfect people, they are too good for those who have troubles.
 

gazelle

Well-known member
If you are the rejected type, it only means you have to find people who are like you. (Real people.) who you can share common interest with and develop a lasting friendship.

I agree with this. Srijita I don't mean to encourage you to become a recluse but, I think you're better off without these people. If you can't handle ditching them all at once, I think you should slowly consider looking for more understanding and down to earth people by joining group therapy for example and start from there, and when the time comes eliminate your current circle of friends which are only exacerbating your depression and social phobia in my opinion.
 
I think, its something common with all of us. We feel low and we skip social events. I remember, I never went to any social event for past 4 years, Including project and company parties. Once people forced me to go with them, but when I entered and saw so many people sitting, it felt like, everyone is looking at me and I ran. I dont know, what they talked about me, when I left. Maybe, called me a looser or weirdo. Just writing all this to let you know, you are not alone :)
 
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