I have a big shyness problem! Help!

[alex8609]

I'm a guy who's 22 years old and I still have trouble battling my shyness which started way back in Elementary school when this new guy in are class didn't like me and started calling me names and making the other guys do it too. My hair grows fast and he always called me a girl and other (bad) names and instead of talking about it, I would eat which led to weight gain. Then they started making fun of me because I was fat and even after he moved the other guys still kept doing it and even got some of the girls to make fun of me too.

But after I graduated, I lost all the weight (I wore 52's then and now wear 40's) and even though I think I look good, these old shy feelings resurface all the time and I don't know how to get over them. I still view myself to hard and used to would think I was below everyone else. My parents always said I was my own worst enemy. I even go around now thinking that I'm ugly even though I sort of like the way I look; black hair and brown eyes. Does anyone have and advice on how to get over shyness? Any advice would be helpful? Thanks for Reading.

 

[mmmm]

How to get over your shyness well let's see: You're big but not fat, which I find hot; you admit to being good-looking; you have natural girly hair, which most guys spend a fortune trying to get; you have parents who love and support you. That's all you mentioned but I'm sure there's tons of other stuff.

Bullying sucks and it can change the way you envision yourself, even when you like what you see in the mirror. It sounds to me like you really like yourself but you can't get over the way your body reacts in social situations. I blush, some people sweat, maybe you have one of these, or your heart starts beating funny, or your guts start wobbling all over the place. Whatever form your shyness takes, try to recognise it as a physical remnant of your old school days that has no place in this stage of your life. I'm not saying the symptoms will magically disappear, they won't. But try to see them as a bad reflex habit that your body developed as a defence and they really have nothing to do with the cool person you are now.

 

[sleepysparrow]

(edited out)

 

[alex8609]

I just don't really know how to deal with this and I always find it hard to make friends because I'm always thinking everyone's giving me the evil eye. I really would love to have friends but my shyness gets in the way.

My parents tell me that everyone who knows me thinks a lot of me but I can't get myself to believe it since, becaue of school, I always thought nobody likes and I got used to thinking that.

 

[alex8609]

^ 8-10 years ago I would have said it was because I thought people just didn't like me, but know that I'm older I think it's just a coping mechanism.
I also have a hard time looking people in the eyes because I'm afraid I'll see what there thinking of me and that I think everyone approves of me getting picked on like I did because I deserve it.

 

[mmmm]

Correction, everyone approved of you getting picked on like you did because they were so freaking greatful that it wasn't them. School has nothing whatsoever to do with real life. You should check out the facebook profiles of your tormentors. They are probably fat and unsuccessful. And they probably aren't half as big and scary as you remember.

 

[alex8609]

They would even make me feel inferior in front of girls and they'd say I'd never get a girlfriend because I was to ugly to be loved. That always hurt me the worst.

Although I find it easier to talk to girls. I never found it easy to talk to guys but I could always easily talk to girls. I think it might have to do with how the guys always treated me back then.

 

[alex8609]

Sometimes it bothers me so much now that I have trouble sleeping at night because I start thinking and worrying about it. Also sometimes just going into the grocery stores bothers me cause I'm afraid everyone is judging me even if I smile.

Did I mention these same guys have been bothering me since 1st grade and then in high school?

 

[alex8609]

^ Now I get worked up about the things they did and I still don't know why the did those things to me; I mean I never did anything to them.

I even tried to make friends once but they just made fun of the way I talked, laughed, walked, and everything.

Maybe something is wrong with me?

 

[Sociallychallenged]

Nothin wrong with ya, they are just insecure about their own thoughts,their own feelings. Bullies know they have shortfalls to,thats why they pick on us to make them feel better bout themselves. Unfortunately the victims carry those scars for life,and many never come to terms with it. Like me,i was bullied and ridiculed for years. It made me turn inward,i hide behind closed curtains,if i hav to go outside i wear big baggy clothes big ol glasses and a hoodies to prevent people from noticing me... Will i ever get over my terrible childhood? Probably not. Do I want to? Dont know. Where I am now,I'm safe. The world out there is vile.

 

[alex8609]

Now I'm starting to go to college to study Fine Arts, which I'm excited about, but I'm afraid that there will be people just like the guys at school. I'm getting paranoid about them not liking me too.

 

[iamthenra]

Now I'm starting to go to college to study Fine Arts, which I'm excited about, but I'm afraid that there will be people just like the guys at school. I'm getting paranoid about them not liking me too.

Don't worry about college. It is a much different atmosphere. Every student has a purpose at college, and that is mainly to learn. By the time you get into college most "kids" have grown up so most won't act so immature and bully others... I too was picked on allot by others, because I was a loner. I kept to myself, and that made me a target of abuse. For me college was completely different, it seemed everyone had a fire lit under their pants about getting an education and actually learning the material that was presented. Now I am 40+ years old, and I am having to go back to college too... Then to make matters worse, I am going to try to become a registered nurse... Not too many guys in that field. Just like all my therapists over the years have said, you have to face your fears, and eventually you will get over them. I don't know about that, but if I can do it, so can you!

 

[JCS008]

The thing with kids who bully when they are younger, they eventually grow out of it. But the unfortunate thing, the kids WHO ARE bullied tend to not grow up from the emotional damage that they got.

I agree with most of the posters here, be greatful for what you have. It seems your family really cares about you and you are on your way to losing weight, which I'm sure makes you feel more healthy and confident. And be grateful you have such nice hair, sure its annoying as a kid, but as you get older and you still have the thick head of hair, while those who bullied you could have thinning crowns or be sporting plugs.

 

[Redzer]

Try these pal.

Overcome Shyness
Overcome_Shyness.mp3

Subliminal Hypnosis - Overcome Shyness
Subliminal Hypnosis - Overcome Shyness (Hypnosis).mp3


There audiobooks.

 

[Cynic]

School has nothing whatsoever to do with real life.

The adult world is essentially no different to the school playground, except adult aggression is more sophisticated.

they'd say I'd never get a girlfriend

I too, was told that when I was a kid. To this day, I've managed to prove them right too.

Although I find it easier to talk to girls. I never found it easy to talk to guys but I could always easily talk to girls.

All girls want someone who is popular with both guys and girls alike.

Did I mention these same guys have been bothering me since 1st grade and then in high school?

Are they still bothering you now?

Now I'm starting to go to college to study Fine Arts, which I'm excited about, but I'm afraid that there will be people just like the guys at school.

Art school doesn't seem to attract elitists jocks and the like. If in doubt, keep yourself to yourself and don't reveal too much about yourself to them. I did when I was at college.

The world out there is vile.

Too right.

 

[LycraPantiies92]

I'm a guy who's 22 years old and I still have trouble battling my shyness which started way back in Elementary school when this new guy in are class didn't like me and started calling me names and making the other guys do it too. My hair grows fast and he always called me a girl and other (bad) names and instead of talking about it, I would eat which led to weight gain.

Hm i used to turn to food aswell. I remember in 4th year i'd just get in eat n make myself ill. I didn't really see or like know any other way to deal with the shxt that happened in school I wouldn't say i was fat at the time.

Then they started making fun of me because I was fat and even after he moved the other guys still kept doing it and even got some of the girls to make fun of me too.

Tssk. Typical how people turn on you then their freinds tag along and do the same
Who the hell cares if yr fat. We aren't all skinny, or like, anorexic looking

But after I graduated, I lost all the weight (I wore 52's then and now wear 40's) and even though I think I look good, these old shy feelings resurface all the time and I don't know how to get over them.

Hmm yeah same now for me, i have tried to leave the thoughts & feelins behind but i think i'll probably have them for life.

I even go around now thinking that I'm ugly even though I sort of like the way I look; black hair and brown eyes.

Yeah, same with me. Some days i'm not sure if i'm like totally ugly or actually not too bad >.<

Does anyone have and advice on how to get over shyness? Any advice would be helpful? Thanks for Reading.

Just know that they aren't important and will soo probably have long forgotten about you. You need to try and move on aswell. Cos they will have.
Cognitave behaviour therapy? maybe, or whatever that thing is.
Changes the thought patterns or something amazin.

Chin up ! *hugs*
xx

 

[alex8609]

School is just starting to come up and I'm getting really nervous about it because I'm afraid of being around people and I'm already starting to get it in my head that they won't like me. ::

I bought new clothes for school but it always makes me down since I don't think I really look good in anything. Is there any advice on how to get over being nervous? My parents don't like it when I worry about things but I can't help it.