I Hate Being Shy (long post)

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

My boyfriend & I have been going out for 7 months as of a couple days ago (exclusive relationship from the start). We knew eachother 2 years prior to his asking me out. The only physical contact we have ever had was holding hands awkwardly for about 2 minutes. Both of us are shy, but I am the one that is the introverted, socially awkward person. We talk about anything & everything with great ease, but can't bring ourselves to do anything physically & it's starting to take a toll on our relationship. He (we'll call him Josh) has apologized multiple times for being too shy to make the first move, & has explained that he does care for me & wants to pursue the relationship further. Josh even wrote me several letters describing how, in detail, he felt a need to kiss me so badly that it was painful. The physical attraction itself isn't the problem -- we just can't express ourselves (mainly me. keep in mind that he is the one that grabbed my hand after getting rejected 3 times cuz I got so shy I couldn't move). I have absolutely no idea where to start in this relationship even though all I want to do is save it... Any recommendations??

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

for 7 months you are still shy of each other??? don't you meet often?

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Would it help to turn out all the lights?

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Would it help to turn out all the lights?

I agree with coyote.

 

[knowlife]

booze might work

 

[Sarah_M]

Hello there, I can relate to how you're feeling. In my experience, I have found that the more you think about it, the more frightening it becomes. Sometimes, you just have to do it. The first time you actually kiss probably won't be perfect and you might feel embarrassed or nervous, but it will get better and easier the more you do it. You also shouldn't be concerned too much if it was good or not because someone who cares for you so (like he seems to) will probably just be happy you did it in the first place... and so will you--ultimately

I really hope this is helpful to you.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I would say maybe assure each other that you really do want to kiss one another. Try and build up his confidence as much as you can about how much you really would enjoy kissing him. Have him do the same for you. Tell him that the next time you see him you want him to kiss you, that no matter what he should kiss you.

It is scary but sometimes you just have to take the plunge and jump into something that scares you. Don't over think it (easy to say I know) just do it.

Maybe you can start small. Start with holding hands for a few minutes and then when that is less awkward you can start looking at each other in the eye and maintaining eye contact for as long as possible. Once you get comfortable with the eye contact and hand holding stuff try and do a kiss, a small peck on the lips or a small peck on the cheeks.

Making the first move is really hard, but it seems like you both care about each other so that should make things better knowing you have someone supporting you.

Just throwing out some ideas.

 

[Srijita52]

Hello there, I can relate to how you're feeling. In my experience, I have found that the more you think about it, the more frightening it becomes. Sometimes, you just have to do it. The first time you actually kiss probably won't be perfect and you might feel embarrassed or nervous, but it will get better and easier the more you do it. You also shouldn't be concerned too much if it was good or not because someone who cares for you so (like he seems to) will probably just be happy you did it in the first place... and so will you--ultimately

I really hope this is helpful to you.

I agree, sometimes you just push yourself despite feeling shy.
Welcome to the forum.

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

The pathetic truth is that i see him almost every day & he invites me over to his house most Sundays ::

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

Would it help to turn out all the lights?

Maybe.. thanks for the suggestion

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

booze might work

A couple of my family members get very violent when drinking, which scared me to death as a child, especially when they fought & things became more serious. This being so, i don't drink

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

Hello there, I can relate to how you're feeling. In my experience, I have found that the more you think about it, the more frightening it becomes. Sometimes, you just have to do it. The first time you actually kiss probably won't be perfect and you might feel embarrassed or nervous, but it will get better and easier the more you do it. You also shouldn't be concerned too much if it was good or not because someone who cares for you so (like he seems to) will probably just be happy you did it in the first place... and so will you--ultimately

I really hope this is helpful to you.

Thank you -- you made me think about the situation a little more in-depth than i had before. i do tend to overthink things & as a result, can't react appropriately in fear of the worst-case scenario happening

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

I would say maybe assure each other that you really do want to kiss one another. Try and build up his confidence as much as you can about how much you really would enjoy kissing him. Have him do the same for you. Tell him that the next time you see him you want him to kiss you, that no matter what he should kiss you.

It is scary but sometimes you just have to take the plunge and jump into something that scares you. Don't over think it (easy to say I know) just do it.

Maybe you can start small. Start with holding hands for a few minutes and then when that is less awkward you can start looking at each other in the eye and maintaining eye contact for as long as possible. Once you get comfortable with the eye contact and hand holding stuff try and do a kiss, a small peck on the lips or a small peck on the cheeks.

Making the first move is really hard, but it seems like you both care about each other so that should make things better knowing you have someone supporting you.

Just throwing out some ideas.

I think we could both use the self-esteem boost::. Everything seems so much more simple over the internet... i'll see how he reacts to me expressing my feelings verbally & take things from there. Thanks for taking the time to reply

 

[Mokkat]

if you don't want to take the edge off with a beer or two, go for a jog together or something. Make the whole thing a team effort.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't advocate using alcohol, but yours seems like an extreme case, seeing as the two of you have been together for so long with barely kissing. Take some alcohol and see how it goes. It might not work but you might feel uninhibited enough to kiss him.

Good luck.

EDIT:

A couple of my family members get very violent when drinking, which scared me to death as a child, especially when they fought & things became more serious. This being so, i don't drink

Just saw this. Forget what I said.

As Mokkat said, maybe something as a team effort could work. It'll bond you two even more and make you even less shy around him. You both want to kiss each other and be intimate, so that could be a good stepping stone to get there.

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

if you don't want to take the edge off with a beer or two, go for a jog together or something. Make the whole thing a team effort.

We both like running/jogging, so that should work out nicely. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

I don't advocate using alcohol, but yours seems like an extreme case, seeing as the two of you have been together for so long with barely kissing. Take some alcohol and see how it goes. It might not work but you might feel uninhibited enough to kiss him.

Good luck.

EDIT:

Just saw this. Forget what I said.

As Mokkat said, maybe something as a team effort could work. It'll bond you two even more and make you even less shy around him. You both want to kiss each other and be intimate, so that could be a good stepping stone to get there.

My boyfriend read your comment & he said that the overall team effort needs to improve, so we are working on that now. We're going to try to relax more around eachother (one of the first stepping stones).

 

[MikeyC]

My boyfriend read your comment & he said that the overall team effort needs to improve, so we are working on that now. We're going to try to relax more around eachother (one of the first stepping stones).

Ah, that's good. Sorry for the crappy advice, and I'm a little nervous that your boyfriend read what I wrote. ::

I'm glad you're trying to improve it all. I hope it works out.

 

[XxXWhiteRoseXxX]

Ah, that's good. Sorry for the crappy advice, and I'm a little nervous that your boyfriend read what I wrote. ::

I'm glad you're trying to improve it all. I hope it works out.

Your advice wasn't crappy. Besides, I just appreciated the fact that you took the time to reply to my posts . I promise, he's not at all intimidating -- escpecially through a computer screen ::

 

[MikeyC]

Your advice wasn't crappy. Besides, I just appreciated the fact that you took the time to reply to my posts . I promise, he's not at all intimidating -- escpecially through a computer screen ::

You're welcome. I'm glad he's not intimidating, haha.