Chihiro said:
is it assumed that u should talk to the people next to u at a bar? I never really had that of experience so i don't know the norm.
u don't sound like u have sa at all lol
oops i think i misunderstood did u think that in ur head or say it out loud?
Well, if you're at a bar it's assumed that you're there to be social. So you should never expect to get the cold shoulder if you start talking to someone, especially if they're not in a conversation but just kind of standing there (unless you break in on some hot girl and her boyfriend chatting in the corner or something, lol).
Now that said, it's pretty unusual for girls to start a conversation with guys. That was why my comment to them 'worked', I think. That is, got them interested. Because I, the guy, started the conversation, but my implication was that they should have started it. Sounds stupid but anyway it worked lol.
I may not sound like I have SA. But I do. Or rather, I'm recovering. You should go search for my first post on here
. I used to mourn the fact that I had no friends, never had a girlfriend, couldn't talk to people, etc...then I realized that it was within my power to change it. So I started working at it. I've been at it for 2 or 3 months now. I'm not going to lie, it's been hard. I've put myself in some very uncomfortable situations (heck, even walking into a bar alone is still very uncomfortable for me). But I knew the goal I wanted, and I'm on my way there. That said, I do have a long way to go. I'm still not a great conversationalist.
Rainman said:
That is absolutely terrificman. What I especially found encouraging about what you said, was that you were actually there alone and you had the courage to actually speak to these two girls.
Yep, but I built up to it. I've been to a bar/club alone about 6 times. The first time I kind of hid in a corner then left without speaking to anyone. Now I can actually talk to people. Don't expect it to happen overnight, it takes effort and time.
I am curious, what was going through your mind, before you actually made the approach and what was your conversation about. How did you feel during it? What thoughts were you having?
I was nervous as hell before making the approach. I tried to look nonchalant. Then I made my first comment (the "you haven't said hi" thing) and a great weight was lifted. The girls started talking to me. I started talking back. And I basically just turned off the analytic part of my brain and went for it. I tried to get interested in what they had to say, I concentrated on smiling, and I told some stories of mine. That was it. This too takes practice. I'm certainly not a pro, either. But I will be, in a few months, as will you, if you keep at it.
For way too long I was a KJ (keyboard jockey). I'd read about self-improvement and how to conquer anxiety and shyness, and I'd write down the goals in the self-help books and stuff, but I didn't DO anything about it. And I got no results. The only way to get results is to DO. Yes, it'll be uncomfortable, even traumatic. But if you enforce positivity in every thought you have, and you continue to try, you will see results, and fast, too. Always keep in mind that you're not out to get anything from anyone. You're out for YOU, and ANY social interaction helps YOU. If a girl flirts with you for an hour and gives you her number, that helps YOU. If you ask a girl a question and she smiles disdainfully and turns away, that helps YOU. If you go up to a group of girls and they pay attention to you for a few min but kind of drift off into their own conversation leaving you hanging, that helps YOU. All of those interactions are good interactions, because they help YOU!
Hope this helps.
