I got a girl's phone number!

[exuser01]

I like this approach. To me, it's things like this which make this site valuable, it's something practical which people can take on board and apply in real life.

I'd pretty much made up my mind that I just would have to pull out of the event, knowing full well that not going would be the true failure, but your post has given me something to consider and helped me get my thoughts back on track again.

I've actually heard of your approach before but had forgotten all about it so it's great to have this timely reminder. So thanks!!

You should do info-mericals.

Oh and btw, it only gets easier when it doesn't end in complete failure. You see if something is hot and you touch it, it's gonna burn you no matter how many time you touch it. See what I mean?

I don't get what their fucking problem is though, but I'm just about to give up. I speak to myself every morning and say, "I don't need girls." I do that over and over until I believe it.

 

[scatmantom]

Girls wont change your life mate, if your not happy with your life b4 u meet som1, it is unlikly to change when you do meet some1. You've just gotta try and be happy in life, things will always seem less or an issue to the happy man!

 

[exuser01]

Girls wont change your life mate, if your not happy with your life b4 u meet som1, it is unlikly to change when you do meet some1. You've just gotta try and be happy in life, things will always seem less or an issue to the happy man!

You're right. I'm just running out of time.

 

[newshyguy]

1

Girls wont change your life mate, if your not happy with your life b4 u meet som1, it is unlikly to change when you do meet some1. You've just gotta try and be happy in life, things will always seem less or an issue to the happy man!

very true.

and Falcon . thanks for posting such good experiences and your view on it , i get some of it , but it will also help if i could try it on my own

good posts 8)

 

[Falcon]

I called the girl. She didn't answer, and I left a message for her to call me back.

Two days later, I texted her. No reply.

It's clear she's blown me off. Oh well, there are other fish in the sea. I'm a scientist. I got a reaction, a nice one. But not as nice as I would have liked. Next time I will use my experiences to get a nicer reaction.

 

[exuser01]

I called the girl. She didn't answer, and I left a message for her to call me back.

Two days later, I texted her. No reply.

It's clear she's blown me off. Oh well, there are other fish in the sea. I'm a scientist. I got a reaction, a nice one. But not as nice as I would have liked. Next time I will use my experiences to get a nicer reaction.

thats what I'm talking about...lame. I'm sure that scientist metaphor does a pretty good job of keeping you from breaking down but after you journal shows the same negative results time and time again you'll start to wonder why do i even bother.

 

[Falcon]

I called the girl. She didn't answer, and I left a message for her to call me back.

Two days later, I texted her. No reply.

It's clear she's blown me off. Oh well, there are other fish in the sea. I'm a scientist. I got a reaction, a nice one. But not as nice as I would have liked. Next time I will use my experiences to get a nicer reaction.

thats what I'm talking about...lame. I'm sure that scientist metaphor does a pretty good job of keeping you from breaking down but after you journal shows the same negative results time and time again you'll start to wonder why do i even bother.

Nope. Know why? The scientist frame is helping me improve. I guarantee that within a few weeks I'll be on here posting about a phone number that the girl DID answer, and set up a date.

 

[Richey]

Thats my Falcon, get in there you have alot going for ya!

 

[mindovermatter77]

I was at a bar last night, alone, like I usually do. These two girls were kind of standing there near me talking, and I'm like "Hey, are you guys shy? You've been standing there 5 minutes but you haven't said hi!" and we got to talking and stuff. One of them wasn't that interested but one was totally into me! Finally the other one dragged her off but as they were leaving I'm like "you seem like a fun person, we should get together some time. " and I handed her my phone and she keyed in her number!

That's a first for me.

Now we'll see if I have the balls to call her to get coffee or something.

I'd prolly have to pop 100 valiums before even thinking about going to a bar by myself. Youve got some guts. You sure you got SA and not shyness?

 

[pitkreet]

Nope. Know why? The scientist frame is helping me improve. I guarantee that within a few weeks I'll be on here posting about a phone number that the girl DID answer, and set up a date.

Go Falcon!!

 

[Macarena313]

Nope. Know why? The scientist frame is helping me improve. I guarantee that within a few weeks I'll be on here posting about a phone number that the girl DID answer, and set up a date.

wow you think so positive!
i like that

 

[exuser01]

Nope. Know why? The scientist frame is helping me improve. I guarantee that within a few weeks I'll be on here posting about a phone number that the girl DID answer, and set up a date.

Oh yea, I forgot to factor in quality.

 

[Falcon]

I'd prolly have to pop 100 valiums before even thinking about going to a bar by myself. Youve got some guts. You sure you got SA and not shyness?

I'm sure. My doctors agree. The problem is, all of you - and in the past, me as well - are looking for a quick fix. There is no quick fix. I've been able to begin conquering my SA through medication and practice. I'm pretty much at home in a bar or club now. But it took me weeks to get to that point. Weeks! Weeks of confronting my worst fears and discomforts in front of an entire bar or club of people. Was it hard? Absolutely. Did I want to give up? Many times. But I persevered, drawing on strength I didn't know I had, and what was once the pinnacle of my anxiety is now something I can routinely do. I went out to some bars and clubs tonight. Alone. I didn't drink anything. And I was comfortable enough to sit down at a table of 4 girls, get them all laughing and touching me, and then dance with them. And again, with a group of 3 girls. You can make the same achievements, but it takes HARD WORK. Ask yourself: how badly do I want to change?

Oh yea, I forgot to factor in quality.

I understand. It's easier to be negative, because it's easier to draw everyone to your level than it is to improve yourself. I know, because I used to do it. All the freaking time. Then, I realized that no matter how negatively I portrayed other people in my mind, I was still not going to achieve what I wanted to. It took me until age 27 to realize this. I hope you realize it at a younger age than I did.

 

[exuser01]

Ok.

I'll approach a girl each day, starting tuesday, and tell you how it worked for me.

 

[pitkreet]

to be honest, MrRightNow, I can completely relate to your point of view...I'm far too old to still have had no experience with women and have felt nothing but rejection from them but I can assure you, from personal experience, that taking a 100% negative attitude, which I've done for about the last 10 years, gets you absolutely nowhere.....

I'm finally starting to realise that I need to radically change my way of thinking, no matter how unlikely it seems to me that it'll make any difference.

Nobody will ever want you when you are insistent on adopting a completely negative attitude. Like me, you'll probably spend many, many days feeling like the most horrible person on the planet, completely unwanted and wishing you were dead. All this positive approach stuff just seems like word play, but unless you continue to actively improve your situation, things will stay as bad as ever.

Some days, indeeed, most days, this will seem like a waste of time as progress seems to be out of reach, but wallowing in defeatist self pity, no matter how bad it gets, will certainly not result in happiness. I think we just have to keep striving for self improvement.

Hey. I'm talking bollox again, but I know that I need to make some changes in my thinking, albeit that it'llbe hard work.

 

[Horatio]

Some days, indeeed, most days, this will seem like a waste of time as progress seems to be out of reach, but wallowing in defeatist self pity, no matter how bad it gets, will certainly not result in happiness. I think we just have to keep striving for self improvement.

hmmm to me there are two choices... stay down low wallowing in the mud or get up and again and again only to be rejected and pushed back down into the mud I crawled out of

personally if the result is the same I would rather just stay down there and avoid the hurt and rejection that goes with being pushed back down again and again and again

ok, admittingly I haven't even bothered asking for a gals number or anything like that since I was about 20 yrs old (23 now) but you know what, my success rate is EXACTLY the same as it was when I was trying my best to be positive and although it can get pretty lonely at times Im not getting knocked back all the friggin time

but in saying that you gotta be in to win right? so I do make sure I go to a bar at least once every two weeks, a bit like putting $2 into a pokies machine once in a while... sure the odds are that I wont win but at least Im not wasting a fortune on it and hey, maybe I will hit the jackpot one day

everyone says everything has changed in this day and age and gals are just as likely to ask guys out and apparently looks dont matter either in this day and age... well if all that is true then maybe some gal really will approach me. but as for me going out there and chatting to random girls... at the moment that makes as much sense to me as putting my hand on a hot element... the only thing I learn every time I do it is that it hurts and is a bad idea

 

[pitkreet]

hmmm to me there are two choices... stay down low wallowing in the mud or get up and again and again only to be rejected and pushed back down into the mud I crawled out of

well, that's not exactly stating it as 2 choices, as you're basically saying to accept being reject or accept being rejected.....i'm sure you'lll accept that the way you describe your second opton is completely negative

i'm not knocking you, god knows, i'm in my mid 30s and still got nowhere, but that's because i gave up trying years ago

i can assure you, giving up does not result in a long term release from emotional pain, it stays with you forever

i also reckon that "trying" with the 100% expectation of failure is not really trying

i think we need to just find a way of putting to the back of out of our minds all the negative crap that has dominated our thoughts for the past years and keep on trying

deep down, do you really want to give up? trying,trying, and trying again, only to fail every time obviously has a huge impact on morale, but giving up and moaning about it will not achieve anything

i certainly don't have the answers, but i know being completely negative and giving up is not the answer

maybe we just have to accept that it may take over 1,000 attempts to succeed, but as it's such a fundamental human need, we have to keep trying until we succeed, although i admit, if someone were to offer me a nice pill that would put me to sleep forever, i'd happily take it

 

[Quixote]

everyone says everything has changed in this day and age and gals are just as likely to ask guys out and apparently looks dont matter either in this day and age...

I have believed that for a large part of my life, I was brought up with modern, liberal ideas. I later realized, much to my disappointment, that things have actually remained pretty much unchanged since the 19th century, or the middle ages, or maybe prehistoric times. That is in the substance, as there are certainly a lot of apparent, superficial differences. Underneath the surface the deeper, hidden, mechanisms that govern our behaviour and reproductive strategies, have remained unaltered.

A woman can have a small number of children throughout her life. Half of these children's genetic map will depend on the guy she has chosen as a partner. She must be careful to select him with a certain care, so as not to waste her chances. The guy must carry a good genetic package, or at least the best that is available and can be obtained. She will observe and compare potential partners, instinctively evaluating and ranking them for all qualities that may signal good genes and overall strenght.

A few examples: Assertiveness is a favoured signal, very difficult to fake. Money can be a good signal if it is earned. An inherited fortune, or a lottery win, doesn't mean much. Physical good looks are good signals, they mean health and strenght. A good sense of humour is an excellent signal, means cleverness and attitude for socializing. Often it requires some assertiveness as well. Happiness is a good signal. Etc.

When looking for a long term relationship, a compromise might be accepted (again, instinctively) between genetic quality and the necessity to have a reliable partner. Kids need not only good genes but also to be fed and raised.

If you, like me, don't seem to be taken into consideration by the fairer sex, it is because they perceive a lack of quality, or if you prefer, because our SA makes it hard for us to signal it appropriately. That's all.
I look like a child who didn't have enough to eat, behave the opposite of assertive, often can't find a word to say, don't look happy at all because I am not. So, no reason for a girl to waste a tenth of her reproductive chances with me. I am not very positive that anything can be done about it, because it simply doesn't depend so much on my behaviour as it depends on my being.

 

[Horatio]

well, that's not exactly stating it as 2 choices, as you're basically saying to accept being reject or accept being rejected.....i'm sure you'lll accept that the way you describe your second opton is completely negative

no it is two choices... it hurts a LOT more and saps your confidence if you keep trying and keep being rejected. sure, not trying at all will result in life being just as lonely but right now I'd rather not go through being hurt and rejected like that, Im fucking sick of it. I would rather slit my own throat and bleed to death than once again be told by someone that no. Im not good enough

maybe if I wasn't so foolish and positive back when I was a little younger then I wouldve tried a little less then and saved a little bit of confidence for when I was older

deep down, do you really want to give up? trying,trying, and trying again, only to fail every time obviously has a huge impact on morale, but giving up and moaning about it will not achieve anything

I disagree... since giving up sure Im just as lonely and still feel rejected but no more so than when I was trying my best to be positive. and that raw depression that comes with constant in your face rejection has finally lost its sting

dont get me wrong, I would encourage any guy with SP to give it a go if the oppurtunity arises and if you have the looks, determination and confidence that you need to go out and try to create more oppurtunities then great, go out there and do us all proud like Falcon!

 

[Horatio]

A few examples: Assertiveness is a favoured signal, very difficult to fake. Money can be a good signal if it is earned. An inherited fortune, or a lottery win, doesn't mean much. Physical good looks are good signals, they mean health and strenght. A good sense of humour is an excellent signal, means cleverness and attitude for socializing. Often it requires some assertiveness as well. Happiness is a good signal. Etc

so what are you supposed to do if you simply do not have those attributes?

I'm not disagreeing with you, I too get sick of magazines/books/people saying how far relationships have developed since the medievel ages etc yet more often than not relationships seem to be formed on a prehistoric basis

the "you kill beast we fuck" theory I like to call it :lol: the guys who are most succesful with women are the ones who have confidence, resources (back in the day this may have been the safest cave or the biggest club but now its money), good looks and assertiveness (back in the day assertiveness was thumping the neighbour on the head with a spiked club, and things havent changed much. going round being a pig headed jerk and trampling over everyone else seems to be a major turn on for chicks)