I envy my brother so much...

[Luke1993]

I'm sorry everyone I said to myself I would not post long rants here, (I don't think anybody wants to read my boring stories) but I'm very sad right now and I just need to type some stuff. Basically these forums are my life, I spend all day on here, you people are the only ones I "talk" to.

My brother though, he is superior in every single way it's not even funny. He is three years older than me and he has it all, where as I have next to nothing. He's clever, funny, does sports, has friends, is at university and is every girl's ideal man. But Luke does not have any of these things.

I suppose all of this hatred towards him begun because of the fact that I inherited my mother's hip disability, I call it the "cripple gene" where as he did not and is perfectly fine and healthy. I have always envied him for this. The fact that he can excel at all these sports and I can't even run, it greatly saddens me.

I just have so much hatred for him. I fantasise about killing him. I know it's wrong, e's my brother, but it depresses me so much he is always the one that our family loves, I am just a spare tyre, obsolete with no use whatsoever. If he didn't exist I may have been able to cope a bit more. He has his own place now but today he has come round to stay to speak to my family. Seeing him makes me so.....angry. I know it's not his fault I'm disabled but I still cannot help feeling so much hatred inside me. I think I'm slowly losing my sanity.

Is there anyone else who has some sort of sibling rivalry like this? I swear no matter what it is he is always superior. I wish so much I could be him.

 

[chained]

I have it, not as severe.. my brother has a great job, he's funny, very smart, everything.. but I also have this with other people, the comparing.. u shouldn't compare to other people ,, something I've been trying to get rid of..
just think of it like this: what has me comparing to him brought me?! this freaking illness(mental) and I'm sure there are stuff u can do better than him... have u ever talked about this to him, he is ur brother.. and I really do understand u
and I also know that when u encounter with him, it makes it so much worse..

 

[Emily_G]

I am sometimes jealous of my younger sister...because I feel she is so much prettier than I am. She gets a lot more attention from guys than I ever did. It's stupid to be jealous though...so I'm not very often. I have an amazing man, a house, a college degree, a baby on the way....my life is good, I have no reason to be jealous. Easier said than done.

 

[Smack Me Rosy]

When you place a photo that has color on a table next to one that is black and white, the color one automatically appears brighter, because the eye notices instances of the electromagnetic spectrum more so than monotonal hues. Even though your brother may shine a little brighter than you do, it doesn't mean you aren't just as special. I, personally, perceive black/white photography the most intriguing. Others do too. What is beautiful goes way beyond the human eye.

I agree with chained, you should tell your brother that you feel so outshined. He may even be able to give you some of his color, so you can shine too. After all, you are family, right?

As much as my sis annoys me, I help her if she needs me. We used to always do each others makeup and hair as children. But ONLY if she asked me first. It's patronizing to automatically think someone needs your help when they have yet to ask for it.

 

[Richey]

my sister has a dream job and runs a business, has travelled everywhere, earns loads of money, has a ton of friends, lives in her dream flat, it seems as if she doesnt step a foot wrong. i'm happy for her but really i dont think it comes down to intelligence. more that she just puts things into action without thinking about it and she doesnt have a conscience when it comes to what other people think. she has this drive and tunnel vision to be successful and a certain kind of person that its as if she's a carbon copy of my father who has similar traits. they are both rutheless in their convictions and their arrogance. they make a decision and believe they are right no matter what. so they are very condescending and have a certain "bullying" method of getting their way or voicing their opinion (but it works for them). she is the perfect daughter, in fact all the younger people in my family are extremely successful in their endeavours, its alot to live up to. but i won't go into that.

yeh i'm extremely jealous of what she has, she has built up a life for herself though

also i doubt she or any of my cousins had the sort of tortured existance i went through in high school or just in general through high school, they all were fairly popular and partied and felt comfortable and were on track to something interesting. i remember in year 11 i just wanted to get out of there because my anxiety was getting in the way of study and i couldn't seem to break into a clique of friends properly at all. i just felt lost alot of the time, didnt feel that i had mentors to guide me through either at home or school. so after high school i still sort of felt lost and aimless, i've changed alot since then though.

so i really dont have anyone in the family that i can relate to properly, i sort of have to just be myself while trying my best, its all anyone can do.

 

[Silvox Black]

You would like the tale of a one called Raistlin in Dragonlance...if you ever have the time, pick up the book Dragons of Autumn Twilight by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. I can guarantee you that from the first time you read of him, you'll instantly love him. He's suffers in the shadow of an older sibling as much as you do...crippled from birth.

 

[Richey]

i keep thinking "maybe its supposed to be this way" like as if this is all a lottery of luck in terms of genetics with personality and behaviour and looks etc. or is it just an algorithm of decisions we make at any one time that changes the course of our lives? for example i'm offered three jobs and i take "this one" but that leads to a completely different course of events to a life had i chosen the first job. just as an example. ....but then i see that 7 of the younger people in my family are literally living fantastic lives so i think perhaps its got more to do with environment at high school and self-esteem/confidence and not being defeatist also helps towards a happier life. perhaps its more how we as individuals control our environment more then allowing it to control us or our moods, same goes for other people controlling our moods and actions. from what i've seen having a personality disorder or shyness, low self-esteem has a high change of ruining the path we would have gone down had we just been normal and healthy in every respect. i'm not saying you cant be shy and successful, of course you can but if you have several factors in the way of your life it can destroy the course of what you could have had, thats why its important to counter act against social anxiety or any issues that are making you idle in life, you can;t let it drag on for too long otherwise it will cripple you.

every individual has different variables that lead to events occuring in their life, whether its positive or negative and each individual can have very complex traits or experiences, factors that make them utterly unique to how they behave or what their interests are, their career ambitions, relationships, combine that complex individual with a unique environment in terms of, the house theu live in and the people live around and it can affect that person in many ways.

its like take anyone and put them in a different house with different people, would that change their mood? what factors contribute to mood and inspiration that lead to perhaps even moulding a different person entirely. i just find this all very interesting

 

[Silvox Black]

While I may not have had any sibling rivalry, I feel just as much resentment towards the everyday people that I see. They are the same age as me, the same height, and yet for some unknown reason, they are given the ticket to success! Riches, glory, popularity is all theirs due to the fact they are ignorant fools! Ha! What a joke. This is why I tend to have a pessimistic view of life. After all how fair is it that I am ridiculed for how I was born? I had no choice in how I would be in life. I did not choose to be nonathletic and thin. I chose none of this and yet I am mocked and beaten to the lowest depth for a luck of the draw. There is no justice in this. Therefore, your bitter anger is perfectly justified. I suppose the only cure is being able to come to terms with yourself and who you are. To reach self-acceptance.

 

[Richey]

Its sort of like, what if my sister had have changed classes or something happened to change her outlook or attitudes, would that have lead to a person who behaved differently and perhaps then chose a different career and became someone different to the person she is now. i think about that with my parents and myself as well.

what if i had have gone to the high school with my friends from primary school 30 kilometres from the school i actually went to. i would have had different friends, teachers, classrooms, experiences that could have lead to anything. i really do blame my high school upbringing and living around condescending people for contributing to my anxieties and paranoia that has held me back, or low self esteem. my parents or mentors growing up were never positive or encouraging, they were bitter and cynical all the time. so i wonder about my environment shaping things, what if i had have gone to a bording school, would that have changed things.

it shows that in the future we can change things for ourselves, we just need to learn and that is why CBT is so important in changing and practicing new behaviours that makes people who are shy or anxious or have no confidence, it makes them stronger in those areas.

 

[Luke1993]

My brother does know about my hatred for him. Some time ago, his girlfriend of 2 years ended it with him, when I saw him he was crying and so upset, and when I saw him like that I just couldn't help smiling, I just felt like I had "won" against him for the first (and only) time in my life, although I've never had a girlfriend so he's still better in that regard, but at the time just seeing him cry made me feel so much better. I think he does try to help me but deep down he knows he's better, I can't stand doing anything with him because even if he does not try he is still naturally better and it depresses me to no end.

Since he has moved out I have felt much better but as I said he's come back for two days and it's just brought everything back. I was doing so well and now I've just gone back to square one.

Oh and I don't know if this needs mentioning, but he does not suffer from any form of social anxiety or mental illness at all. He's actually never been to the doctor's or a hospital (as a patient) in his whole life, he's had colds and headaches but nothing ever serious. That really annoys me too lol

 

[Dronee]

Its sort of like, what if my sister had have changed classes or something happened to change her outlook or attitudes, would that have lead to a person who behaved differently and perhaps then chose a different career and became someone different to the person she is now. i think about that with my parents and myself as well.

what if i had have gone to the high school with my friends from primary school 30 kilometres from the school i actually went to. i would have had different friends, teachers, classrooms, experiences that could have lead to anything. i really do blame my high school upbringing and living around condescending people for contributing to my anxieties and paranoia that has held me back, or low self esteem. my parents or mentors growing up were never positive or encouraging, they were bitter and cynical all the time. so i wonder about my environment shaping things, what if i had have gone to a bording school, would that have changed things.

it shows that in the future we can change things for ourselves, we just need to learn and that is why CBT is so important in changing and practicing new behaviours that makes people who are shy or anxious or have no confidence, it makes them stronger in those areas.

I really get what you mean. I've often thought about it too.