I chickened out...

[Ryguy2598]

I was planning on going to a party last night at my friends....however, once I found out there was going to be a good amount of people there, like over 25, I started to feel my nerves kick in. Also, I found out there would be people there from my high school who I never really talked to throughout the whole 4 years. This made me feel more uncomfortable to go to a party with them there after they knew how shy I was in high school.....and I thought to myself, "What are they going think when they see me there?" Then I tried to think something more positive like "I was invited to this party by the host. Who cares what they think I have a right to be there and have a good time just as much as them." Ultimately though, I let my negative thoughts get to me. The thought of going to this party and socializing w/ all these people just plain scared me.....I didn't want to be the "wallflower" or super-quiet person there. I've experienced it enough times, and I wasn't going to risk it happening again.....And because, while I was getting ready to possibly go I could barely look in the mirror without thinking that I'm ugly, I definitely didn't want to go.....How would I go and have confidence thinking these things? Although I didn't go, I do fully realize and am aware of certain thoughts and limiting beliefs that are causing this SA and "shyness." I will work at changing these negative beliefs and thoughts in order to get where I want in life.....to be the person that I want to be. We all have the potential, but we have to reach for it.

 

[DangerEchidna]

Sorry to hear that, man. I'm sure I would've ended up making the same decision. It sounds very overwhelming, especially when you have advance details of the number of people and the guest list. That's when it goes from generalized anxiety to hundreds of specific anxieties all happening at once.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i chicken out a lot.. i'm probably going to chicken out of going to my best friends wedding tomorrow (best friend as in we've been together since we were born).. =/
don't let this one time discourage you from trying again, that's what ends up happening to me.. we have to learn that sometimes we will fall short and we won't have the faith in ourselves, but we have to put it behind us and keep trying when other opportunities come up..

 

[Nanita]

Hey, with help from my former therapist, I learned to see that kind of avoidance as, taking care of oneself.
At many parties/get togethers/ etcetera, I have had horrible experiences, feeling alone surrounded by happy confident people.
Whenever I get really scared of going somewhere, I can choose not to go, because I´m taking care of myself. If you can see it that way, you don´t have to feel that dissapointed in yourself.
(The problem is if it´s a thing I can´t get out of, like going to work or a meeting or something. I just have to survive it and try not to freak out/start crying)

Then there are times when I feel only a little scared of going somewhere, but at the same time really want to go, and I try to litterally put on a happy/confident face, and kinda fake it untill it becomes real. That actually worked for me from time to time. But of course it´s superficial. Well, I realized, a lot of socialising is superficial..

 

[Daz]

i chicken out a lot.. i'm probably going to chicken out of going to my best friends wedding tomorrow (best friend as in we've been together since we were born).. =/
don't let this one time discourage you from trying again, that's what ends up happening to me.. we have to learn that sometimes we will fall short and we won't have the faith in ourselves, but we have to put it behind us and keep trying when other opportunities come up..

Don't do it Katie. I done this to my best friend a few years ago and I have regretted it ever since. It could be worse, you could be doing a speech in front of all the guests!

At least show face, you might even enjoy yourself.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Originally Posted by agoraphobickatie
i chicken out a lot.. i'm probably going to chicken out of going to my best friends wedding tomorrow (best friend as in we've been together since we were born).. =/

Don't do it Katie. I done this to my best friend a few years ago and I have regretted it ever since. It could be worse, you could be doing a speech in front of all the guests!

At least show face, you might even enjoy yourself.

I'll second that. If you've been friends all your life you may really come to regret missing out on this. Make yourself go, for your friend's sake as much as your own. This is going to be an important day for her, and she'll really want you to be there.

 

[nightcrawler]

In the past year alone I've chickened out of going to a surprise party for my dad's 60th (though I did go to a meal with my parents & sister to celebrate the same thing - that in itself was a minor victory for me), my mate's 40th I didn't go to, and in a few weeks I know I won't be going to a surprise meal for my mum's birthday where around a dozen family members will be there, but I am going to a meal with just close family for the same birthday. Family parties/meals I rarely go to. Some of my family only see me at weddings or funerals! I find these harder to get out of, and often feel somewhat "obligated" to go.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I did this too.. today. Try mentally preparing for the next one, even if you don't know of one yet. So you will be ready to show up for a party I was just invited to something today, couldn't either....wasn't prepared i guess.