I can't tolerate people judging me.

Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
I'm aware that theory is inaccurate in some events. I come to my senses and can brush it off. What hurts the most and doesn't leave, just drills a hole in my heart, is when I think loved ones are judging me. Or friends and family of people I care deeply about. I was feeling motivated today, decent. Maybe even happy.

All it took was one thought about an encounter with someone I had in which I felt they judged me. They knew I wasn't working nor that I was attending school and they asked "so what do you do everyday?". Luckily something happened that didn't allow that conversation to continue, but it shot me down very quickly. Of course I latched on and remembered it, with a reluctance to ever run into that person again until I feel I have my sh*t together. I allow words to affect me so deeply thinking that my self image in their eyes has already lowered.

Now I'm feeling blue. :sad: I don't want to care anymore, especially about what people I know think. It seems almost impossible to filter out of my mind.

care-bears-grumpy-bear.jpg
 
WishingICould

WishingICould

Well-known member
Lamb said:
I'm aware that theory is inaccurate in some events. I come to my senses and can brush it off. What hurts the most and doesn't leave, just drills a hole in my heart, is when I think loved ones are judging me. Or friends and family of people I care deeply about. I was feeling motivated today, decent. Maybe even happy.

All it took was one thought about an encounter with someone I had in which I felt they judged me. They knew I wasn't working nor that I was attending school and they asked "so what do you do everyday?". Luckily something happened that didn't allow that conversation to continue, but it shot me down very quickly. Of course I latched on and remembered it, with a reluctance to ever run into that person again until I feel I have my sh*t together. I allow words to affect me so deeply thinking that my self image in their eyes has already lowered.

Now I'm feeling blue. :sad: I don't want to care anymore, especially about what people I know think. It seems almost impossible to filter out of my mind.

care-bears-grumpy-bear.jpg
Click to expand...

Eurgh. I know exactly how that feels. I can be fine and all it takes is one comment from somebody and my whole day is ruined. That's one of the "charms" of having SA, unfortunately.

At the end of the day, that person, IF they were judging you, had no right to. They don't know you and what they think about you really doesn't matter at all. You know you're a good person.
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
WishingICould said:
Eurgh. I know exactly how that feels. I can be fine and all it takes is one comment from somebody and my whole day is ruined. That's one of the "charms" of having SA, unfortunately.

At the end of the day, that person, IF they were judging you, had no right to. They don't know you and what they think about you really doesn't matter at all. You know you're a good person.
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I guess. Being a good person isn't enough. I'm lieing to myself, I care about what everyone thinks, lol.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Lamb said:
All it took was one thought about an encounter with someone I had in which I felt they judged me. They knew I wasn't working nor that I was attending school and they asked "so what do you do everyday?". Luckily something happened that didn't allow that conversation to continue, but it shot me down very quickly. Of course I latched on and remembered it, with a reluctance to ever run into that person again until I feel I have my sh*t together. I allow words to affect me so deeply thinking that my self image in their eyes has already lowered.
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It's not really their business what you're doing. However, I don't think there would've been any malice in their question, but that's not how you interpreted it.

Allowing comments not to hurt us is so difficult. I am still struggling with that and to have them truly bounce off you is not easy whatsoever. Some people can, others can't. I think it depends on how sensitive we are by default.

LazyHermitCrab said:
Hmm what helps a bit is to write a mean letter to that person but don't send it.
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On paper, this sounds like a silly idea, but it actually works! A friend at work told me this one time, so I tried it, and it's more effective than I first imagined. Basically you get your feelings out in raw detail, then you delete it before you hit the reply/send button. No feelings are damaged and you've got a weight off your mind. Brilliant. :perfect:
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Lamb said:
I'm aware that theory is inaccurate in some events. I come to my senses and can brush it off. What hurts the most and doesn't leave, just drills a hole in my heart, is when I think loved ones are judging me. Or friends and family of people I care deeply about. I was feeling motivated today, decent. Maybe even happy.

All it took was one thought about an encounter with someone I had in which I felt they judged me. They knew I wasn't working nor that I was attending school and they asked "so what do you do everyday?". Luckily something happened that didn't allow that conversation to continue, but it shot me down very quickly. Of course I latched on and remembered it, with a reluctance to ever run into that person again until I feel I have my sh*t together. I allow words to affect me so deeply thinking that my self image in their eyes has already lowered.

Now I'm feeling blue. :sad: I don't want to care anymore, especially about what people I know think. It seems almost impossible to filter out of my mind.

care-bears-grumpy-bear.jpg
Click to expand...

Your picture is too cute.......Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. It eats at me too. Especially when there's some truth to it. I'm pretty sensitive to the lack of having a job and professional life...and, not having a life. I day dream and use other escapism behaviors so I don't have to think about it. And then, ALL OF THE SUDDEN, Reality hits me in the form of an all so seemingly innocent question: "How's the job hunt?" :veryangry:
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Also, I hate being in such a vulnerable position where others can easily criticize me. My position is literally defenseless and I know it! Oh, yeah, I can tell them all about my mental problems. LOL!

Makes me so angry!!!
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Well it's happened to me since the day I graduated at university in 1998 and started work

It hangs over me. I fight back and get interim jobs, since the first ones. Maybe there is a mystical answer I'm waiting to discover and make the last 14 years so much easier to understand and cope with, such as the fact that I'm too ugly, with bad breath, or am not like every other human.

It gets to me after 243 formal encounters have cost my life, being judged as not suitable. All is glossed-over with pleasance. Maybe I was too tall, or too short, or the wrong hair colour.

I wish I took a mirror with me to interview which was invisible to others. A glance in the mirror before travelling won't do, while I talk to others, after emptying my guts. I have done the equivalent of a secret, hidden microphone to record the conversation, noticing my weaknesses.

A list of required skills & experience advertised. It's the easiest task for any animal, machine or human to carefully choose which ones are right. Then the advertiser inspects my clear description of myself. Rarely, they choose to invite me to meet. Equivalent to dating / mating. The outcome can even be successful, becoming a relationship. Within far too little time, the other person will end the relationship. I'm interested in finding's life's answer.

The decision is theirs. There is never any reason or explanation for it. I never reject any person, or animal. No animal rejects me. The damage suffered is social

I've never attacked the judgers so far. The blood is boiling over. I have almost mastered the tolerance of judgement. This may change.

I certainly have sent many mean letters to the instigators. Well that in itself is a reason to judge me. But if the evil toward me had never existed, we would all have been better
 
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J

jaim38

Well-known member
I know what you mean. When someone makes a negative judgment about me, I keep telling myself that I don't care when in fact I do care and I obsess over their words. I let them hurt me. We need to develop a filtering mechanism to filter out unwanted comments.

I don't have a professional life so when people ask me if I work, I panic. I would rather not say anything and I regret talking to that person. I'm also afraid of revealing to other people that I take online classes because then they'll ask why and probably think I'm a lazy person. When I took classes on campus, I was bullied a lot and I was scarred, deeply.
 
IntheLabyrinth

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
It's nice to know so many other people feel this way, and sad at the same time. I particularly hate getting a haircut because the stylists always asks what you do for a living. I feel like I have to be honest, which causes them to judge me, or at least I always assume they do. Thankfully, they never ask about my relationships. I start sweating from all the not so personal questions as it is. I don't know about the rest of you but I am not sure that having a great job, living on my own, and having a significant other (the three things I feel most judged on) would make feel less judged. I feel like I would find something else to feel inferior about, and always feel judged about that. The weird thing is that I do not judge anyone based on those categories. I only judge people based on how they treat others, and if they don't listen.
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
It's not really their business what you're doing. However, I don't think there would've been any malice in their question, but that's not how you interpreted it.

Allowing comments not to hurt us is so difficult. I am still struggling with that and to have them truly bounce off you is not easy whatsoever. Some people can, others can't. I think it depends on how sensitive we are by default.


On paper, this sounds like a silly idea, but it actually works! A friend at work told me this one time, so I tried it, and it's more effective than I first imagined. Basically you get your feelings out in raw detail, then you delete it before you hit the reply/send button. No feelings are damaged and you've got a weight off your mind. Brilliant. :perfect:
Click to expand...

I thought about that possibility as well. It's a question that makes sense! If it weren't me I may have very well asked someone else that out of curiosity. However, knowing that he has some sarcastic tendencies, I thought the opposite. What am I suppose to say? Come off sarcastic in response, or use social anxiety as en excuse? The first thing that came to mind was " well this is why I shouldn't be engaging in conversation with people who don't know me. these questions are bound to pop up." Yet if I keep avoiding others and waiting until my life is better (in my eyes), I'm not going to get anywhere.

As for writing a letter, I feel it would be a waste of time. I've written plenty of letters. Now I'm feeling bad for blaming him.

imnotmyillness said:
Your picture is too cute.......Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. It eats at me too. Especially when there's some truth to it. I'm pretty sensitive to the lack of having a job and professional life...and, not having a life. I day dream and use other escapism behaviors so I don't have to think about it. And then, ALL OF THE SUDDEN, Reality hits me in the form of an all so seemingly innocent question: "How's the job hunt?"
Click to expand...

He's not cute.. he's angry! Angry! Yeah, that's how i feel! I know how you feel too mikebird.


jaim38 said:
I know what you mean. When someone makes a negative judgment about me, I keep telling myself that I don't care when in fact I do care and I obsess over their words. I let them hurt me. We need to develop a filtering mechanism to filter out unwanted comments.

I don't have a professional life so when people ask me if I work, I panic. I would rather not say anything and I regret talking to that person. I'm also afraid of revealing to other people that I take online classes because then they'll ask why and probably think I'm a lazy person. When I took classes on campus, I was bullied a lot and I was scarred, deeply.
Click to expand...

Which is why I currently spend alot of time avoiding people. Can't handle the questions.

inthelabyrinth said:
It's nice to know so many other people feel this way, and sad at the same time. I particularly hate getting a haircut because the stylists always asks what you do for a living. I feel like I have to be honest, which causes them to judge me, or at least I always assume they do. Thankfully, they never ask about my relationships. I start sweating from all the not so personal questions as it is. I don't know about the rest of you but I am not sure that having a great job, living on my own, and having a significant other (the three things I feel most judged on) would make feel less judged. I feel like I would find something else to feel inferior about, and always feel judged about that. The weird thing is that I do not judge anyone based on those categories. I only judge people based on how they treat others, and if they don't listen.
Click to expand...

You're right, I probably would find something else to feel inferior over but i'd like to think having those things would help. When I worked and went to school, my problems didn't go away, I had a slight increase in happiness but felt sad majority of the time, but i at least had options, things to focus on that I thought may get me out of this pattern. I don't judge anyone either yet I think they're always out to nitpick my flaws or failures. It's crazy. Then again, I'm a pretty understanding and loving person which I think is rare in this world.
 
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Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Judge is what people do. If I let it get to me too much then I won't survive, so I choose to forget as much as I can.
 
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