I Can't Cope!
- Thread starter Ihateit
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Ihateit
Well-known member
^^ Thank you.
I feel like I am going downhill day by day. Every morning I wake up I am so annoyed that I am alive and that I did not die in my sleep. I know it is so bad to think this way, but I just cannot help feeling like it. Every second of the day I am thinking about what I can do to myself to make people want to help me and to notice I am very ill. Yesterday I heard a conversation between my mum and sister and my sister was basically asking what was wrong with me and why have I been so quiet. My mum replied 'because she is tired.' No it is not because I am tired, it is because I am down, depressed, anxious, hurting myself. That is the reason, not because I am tired. My parents would not undertand if I told them what is happening, they would not care that I feel like dying because I suffer from facial blushing, they just would tell me to get over myself and deal with it. If they found out I was hurting myself on purpose they would not care the reasoning behind it they would shout and shout until they made me feel even worse about myself. They just do not care, no one does, the GP would not even help me the other day, he told me to wait a week. I could of done something stupid within a week and then he would of regret not helping me. Why can no one see that I cannot cope with what is happening to me. I have not eaten much in the past week, I normally have a small bowl of cereal in the morning, skip lunch, and have a little bit of dinner in the evenings. I feel so weak and sad.
I feel like I am going downhill day by day. Every morning I wake up I am so annoyed that I am alive and that I did not die in my sleep. I know it is so bad to think this way, but I just cannot help feeling like it. Every second of the day I am thinking about what I can do to myself to make people want to help me and to notice I am very ill. Yesterday I heard a conversation between my mum and sister and my sister was basically asking what was wrong with me and why have I been so quiet. My mum replied 'because she is tired.' No it is not because I am tired, it is because I am down, depressed, anxious, hurting myself. That is the reason, not because I am tired. My parents would not undertand if I told them what is happening, they would not care that I feel like dying because I suffer from facial blushing, they just would tell me to get over myself and deal with it. If they found out I was hurting myself on purpose they would not care the reasoning behind it they would shout and shout until they made me feel even worse about myself. They just do not care, no one does, the GP would not even help me the other day, he told me to wait a week. I could of done something stupid within a week and then he would of regret not helping me. Why can no one see that I cannot cope with what is happening to me. I have not eaten much in the past week, I normally have a small bowl of cereal in the morning, skip lunch, and have a little bit of dinner in the evenings. I feel so weak and sad.
desoconnor
Well-known member
I think that you should give yourself more credit... you are strong enough to see the doctor and that takes a lot of courage. I've never been strong enough to do that.
You got a job, and apart from the meetings, you sound like you can do it.
Your parents are scared and don't want to think that they have let you down, or that they are some how to blame. So they react angrily. I think if you haven't been there you don't know.
Hurting yourself never helps. I have done it, I have missing teeth cos of it, and its just made things worse.
You have help and support here, and some understanding. You're not alone...
You got a job, and apart from the meetings, you sound like you can do it.
Your parents are scared and don't want to think that they have let you down, or that they are some how to blame. So they react angrily. I think if you haven't been there you don't know.
Hurting yourself never helps. I have done it, I have missing teeth cos of it, and its just made things worse.
You have help and support here, and some understanding. You're not alone...
Lea
Banned
Is there anything you would enjoy? And if there is no job you think you would enjoy, you could maybe quit this one and live on casual jobs, like cleaning in people´s homes etc. The saved money you can use then for doing something that you enjoy or something that would get you further. I myself am not pushing myself into jobs that are overly social because I know my limits. At most I have recently worked as a carer for the elderly which unfortunately also requires sociability, but at least isn´t so high profile. If you are scared what your family would say to living on casual jobs or whatever it is, I would just tell them all my problems and everything. If they can´t deal with it, it is their problem. Or is it better for the sake of what your family says waste your time hiding instead of going to work, hurting yourself and getting worse and worse? What do you have to loose? You need to get better and you won´t if you keep lying to others and to yourself and escaping your problems. This may bring you maybe a temporary alleviation, but is not a solution and you will get on a downward spiral.
Nicholas
Well-known member
Heh, I used to hear conversations I should not hear way too often. Now I guess everyone knows there's something wrong with me, so they don't ask anymore.
I once heard my brother in law trying to convince my mom that "if I am not taking exams, it definitely means I don't care about studying and university". Duh. The truth is hyperhidrosis and SA (usually in the form bushing/heatwave + unstoppable facial sweating) ruined my confidence, life, everything, gave me anxiety and made me depressed. And haven't been wanting to be on crowded trains or classrooms anymore.
Now I don't know what to do, but one thing is for sure: I can't live this way, so the only solution is to try to SOLVE these problems. Because I want to live.
Don't be so depressed or sad, Ihateit, I know you want to live too, it's just that our life sucks... but let's just try to make it better. I know once I'm out of it, no matter how long it'll take, I will be a better and stronger person. I am still sad and depressed too, but I DON'T want to give up, I can't accept giving up.
I always feel like everyone is watching me too, but now I am trying to do a thing: check if my fears are real or not. Some days ago I was at a beer fest (I felt good because it was cold outside), but I felt uncomfortable because I felt everyone was watching me, I was even afraid they could see my "goose bumps" (I felt cold, but it's always MUCH better than feeling hot and dripping), and think I was stupid, weird, or something. Then I started to notice who the people watching me were. I tried glancing at them regularly, and guess what? They weren't really watching me or interested in me, not at all. They only happened to be looking in my direction or glancing at me the first time... which is enough to make me paranoid and think they are watching me constantly. But that was not true. Just once, just like everyone does, just like you casually glance at someone.
So, I am trying to see if people really care that much about me and would spend the night laughing at me instead of listening to the band playing. I know I will find out they don't care, so I should stop being so paranoid.
Anyway, that's all for now. I have a lot of things to try before I get better... It'll take years maybe... but I want to keep trying.
desoconnor
Well-known member
Nicholas - stop it, you'll make those poor people paranoid and think that you're staring them?!?!
No seriously, that is a good idea... take a little time to look around your surroundings and see what people are doing. Once you find that people are busy with their own stuff it'll help you to settle down and get on with your stuff.
Nicholas - I've been dealing with SA for 15 years, it takes time but its worth it. take it a day at a time and celebrate the victories
No seriously, that is a good idea... take a little time to look around your surroundings and see what people are doing. Once you find that people are busy with their own stuff it'll help you to settle down and get on with your stuff.
Nicholas - I've been dealing with SA for 15 years, it takes time but its worth it. take it a day at a time and celebrate the victories
I have a pretty bad issue with blushing too. When it happens, I feel sucky and sometimes I feel po'd at myself. However, in my opinion, life does NOT suck. Life is good. Life is a GREAT thing despite the blushing. Try not to forget that no matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse. IHATEIT - I would sincerely recommend doing a cliche thing and count your blessings and reach out to help someone who may be in real need. Blushing definitely causes horrible feelings to each of us who suffer with it, but it doesn't threaten our lives. There are some out there struggling to find food and/or homes for themselves or family. They would love to see you come around to help, blushing and all.
Having preached now, let me say that I believe you CAN overcome blushing. So many have and so many more will - do you want to be one of them? I'm on my way to beating it and I've submitted to the fact that it will take time and consistent mental effort. I don't think there is one solution, though there are basic things in general that helped people as they beat it. Since it is a mental issue, try to research and find the things that will slowly help to turn the ship around for you. The cure for you has to come from your own guts.
I happened to buy this cd/mp3 called Stop Blushing Now by a guy named Gary Ambrosh who details his personal fight with this stuff and how he overcame it. Some of his blushing examples really hit home and he actually appeared to have a worse problem than me - which was both a surprise and a relief. I thought I was alone and a weirdo freak unlike any. I now know I was wrong.
I wrote to Gary on several occasions and I asked him how long it took for him to overcome it. He basically had two phases during his recovery. The first was where he had initially figured out how to relieve the symptoms to "normal" level, but then relapsed back into the problem. He then reapplied himself with even more determination and cured himself of this debilitating anxiety issue. The first phase was approx a year before he relapsed. The second phase took approx ten months before he was completely over it. That seems like a long time to some (like me!), but he is cured. I wish I could say I am cured right now but I can't. I CAN say that I have made progress and will continue to apply myself and tweak things along the way until I achieve victory. Like yourself, I reached a point in my life where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of this anxiety issue having control over me. I decided to either get busy living or get busy dying (emotionally) as the movie goes. I believe you can do it too.
Just never give up, face your fear daily, and you will succeed. I really believe it.
Tom
Having preached now, let me say that I believe you CAN overcome blushing. So many have and so many more will - do you want to be one of them? I'm on my way to beating it and I've submitted to the fact that it will take time and consistent mental effort. I don't think there is one solution, though there are basic things in general that helped people as they beat it. Since it is a mental issue, try to research and find the things that will slowly help to turn the ship around for you. The cure for you has to come from your own guts.
I happened to buy this cd/mp3 called Stop Blushing Now by a guy named Gary Ambrosh who details his personal fight with this stuff and how he overcame it. Some of his blushing examples really hit home and he actually appeared to have a worse problem than me - which was both a surprise and a relief. I thought I was alone and a weirdo freak unlike any. I now know I was wrong.
I wrote to Gary on several occasions and I asked him how long it took for him to overcome it. He basically had two phases during his recovery. The first was where he had initially figured out how to relieve the symptoms to "normal" level, but then relapsed back into the problem. He then reapplied himself with even more determination and cured himself of this debilitating anxiety issue. The first phase was approx a year before he relapsed. The second phase took approx ten months before he was completely over it. That seems like a long time to some (like me!), but he is cured. I wish I could say I am cured right now but I can't. I CAN say that I have made progress and will continue to apply myself and tweak things along the way until I achieve victory. Like yourself, I reached a point in my life where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of this anxiety issue having control over me. I decided to either get busy living or get busy dying (emotionally) as the movie goes. I believe you can do it too.
Just never give up, face your fear daily, and you will succeed. I really believe it.
Tom
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Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
I'm sorry you're going through all that. Its so hard because there is no immediate relief. That's very scary in itself.
Nicholas
Well-known member
That's not true. I really believe it's an emotional problem, and when you keep worrying about it and the worry itself becomes a cause as well, then it's a problem related to anxiety and the way it works is similar to that of panic attacks.
I have similar problems, but I know I can fight them. Unfortunately my low self-esteem makes me perceive everything as something to be ashamed of, as a danger for my feelings, and I get these hot flushes. I am sure that's true of you too, if you think about it.
I will be researching into these things this summer, so please stick around and don't lose hope. Take care.
Ihateit
Well-known member
I think we will have to agree to disagree on that one. I blush/flush when I am by myself, this is why I see it as a physical problem. Yes, sometimes when I am anxious/nervous it does happen also but I see it as a flush to a blush (if that makes sense), but again to me it is a physical problem. Sometimes when I am home I am my normal skin colour, sometimes when I am at work I am my normal skin colour, sometimes in situations where I should blush I don't. 90% of my average day I flush/blush. The way I see it is flushing/blushing is a physical thing because there is something physical happening, if I was just anxious without any blushing etc then I could easily say yes it is an emotional/mental thing. It is like a physical problem inside of me causing the blushing which then leads to the emotional/anxiety issues. To conquer the emotional/anxiety I need to get rid of the physical issue.
Blushing to me is a physical problem just like breaking a leg is a physical problem. (Just an example). I wish I could fully explain what I mean, I just cannot find the right words right now.
Blushing to me is a physical problem just like breaking a leg is a physical problem. (Just an example). I wish I could fully explain what I mean, I just cannot find the right words right now.
Nicholas
Well-known member
I know what you mean, but just consider that anxiety has physical symptoms. Just think of not being able to breathe, sweating, chest pain, stomach aches, diarrhea, head spinning, heart beating fast, etc. Really, mental disorders can influence our body much more than we think.
Panic attacks are very "physical", yet they have psychological causes: fear, anxiety.
I wouldn't exclude the option that you seem to blush for no reason but in fact it is triggered by a small sign that is automatically interpreted by your mind as an "alarm", and it makes you start the anxious cycle.
You know, I can have "sweating attacks" while I am alone at home too, doing nothing, but I have noticed that it always starts as something that catches my attention and as soon as I notice it and recognize it as a possible start of an attack, I make it worse and the attack starts for real. When I am REALLY completely relaxed and nothing at all could bother me, for some reason, I just don't get any attacks.
I am not saying I'm right and you're wrong, but I just wanted to tell you that sometimes the truth is not what it seems, so don't despair and keep trying and hoping you'll find a real solution one day. Take care.
Panic attacks are very "physical", yet they have psychological causes: fear, anxiety.
I wouldn't exclude the option that you seem to blush for no reason but in fact it is triggered by a small sign that is automatically interpreted by your mind as an "alarm", and it makes you start the anxious cycle.
You know, I can have "sweating attacks" while I am alone at home too, doing nothing, but I have noticed that it always starts as something that catches my attention and as soon as I notice it and recognize it as a possible start of an attack, I make it worse and the attack starts for real. When I am REALLY completely relaxed and nothing at all could bother me, for some reason, I just don't get any attacks.
I am not saying I'm right and you're wrong, but I just wanted to tell you that sometimes the truth is not what it seems, so don't despair and keep trying and hoping you'll find a real solution one day. Take care.
Ihateit
Well-known member
I agree, hurting myself is seriously bad and I know it will not help in the long run, it will only add to my problems. The thing now is that I can't help but to hurt myself, I just feel so angry with my problem and everytime I have a bad FB attack I go and hurt myself. I hate everything that the FB is causing me to do but I have to have to punish the fact that I do have a physical problem that I have tried to sort out for years but with no luck.
To be honest, not confiding in my parents is the least of my worries, even if I did not suffer from FB I am pretty sure that I still would not confide in them. There are other factors that have no link to my FB as to why I don't particularly feel the need to speak to them about things.
I can't use make up because I have such sensitive skin that it just 'burns' my face. Even water makes my face 'sting'. Maybe there is a link there, not quite sure, but I am going to mention that to my GP tomorrow.
I have tried helplines, councelling, you name any pyschological/mental health help and I have tried it. CBT, I have tried, normal counselling. No amount of talking I have done or will do, will help me, I am 100% certain of that. I have spent 4+years talking to numerous people, if it was going to help me, I would of seen at least a slight improvement by now, which just has not happened.
Courses etc, again tried, and attempted to try. And guess what, no luck
I am all for doing anything that can help my problem, and I have done lots of things, I am just wondering what will happen when I reach that last step of helping myself, whether it be a cure or whether it be a dead end.
To be honest, not confiding in my parents is the least of my worries, even if I did not suffer from FB I am pretty sure that I still would not confide in them. There are other factors that have no link to my FB as to why I don't particularly feel the need to speak to them about things.
I can't use make up because I have such sensitive skin that it just 'burns' my face. Even water makes my face 'sting'. Maybe there is a link there, not quite sure, but I am going to mention that to my GP tomorrow.
I have tried helplines, councelling, you name any pyschological/mental health help and I have tried it. CBT, I have tried, normal counselling. No amount of talking I have done or will do, will help me, I am 100% certain of that. I have spent 4+years talking to numerous people, if it was going to help me, I would of seen at least a slight improvement by now, which just has not happened.
Courses etc, again tried, and attempted to try. And guess what, no luck
I am all for doing anything that can help my problem, and I have done lots of things, I am just wondering what will happen when I reach that last step of helping myself, whether it be a cure or whether it be a dead end.
Lea
Banned
Thank you Redphone, you seem to go out of your way with replying to people. I never dreamed of social job, except as child I dreamed of becoming ice skater or gymnast (which is not even a job). I don´t even dream of it because overly social job would be a hell for me. And I really think I can´t change this, I have asperger syndrome, can´t smile, am very quiet, avoid eye contact.... it´s not an excuse or lack of effort, I think it´s an illness which I don´t know if is curable, officialy not but maybe yes but how to find the cure...
Danfalc
Banned
For me it makes me feel ashamed because im 24 and it makes me feel like a little kid..i should be able to talk to strangers without going beetroot red sometimes lol.
Also i guess i like to try and hide my anxiety as best i can and act "normal",blushing is like a big neon sign to other people saying "this dude is nervous"
Argamemnon
Well-known member
I'm so sorry to hear that it's so hard for you. I feel exactly the same when I have to work. I had to quit my last job, as I simply could not go on after six weeks. Living every day with so much anxiety is just not sustainable. People who don't have to live with debilitating anxiety on a daily basis can't comprehend. I've tried explaining it many times, but nobody understands. They are like "yeah I too feel tired when I come back home in the evening". They have no idea that it's pure hell to live with constant and persistent anxiety.
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Ihateit
Well-known member
Thank you all again for your replies. It is appreciated.
Anyways, I went to see my GP today. I explained to her that the problem is still there and is really affecting me pretty badly. She has ordered for me to go and have some blood tests done. I will do that tomorrow and go back to see her next Friday. She has gone into thorough detail with the blood tests and ticked everything that could be a possibility and also some different bloods that I have not had done before for this problem. I am a bit annoyed about the week wait for the results but at least my GP has done something and is taking me seriously unlike the male GP last week. She also mentioned about referring me to some other clinics and seeing if they can help, but at the moment we are waiting for what the blood tests say. She even said that she hopes that something does show up in the blood tests because she knows how much it is affecting me. I agreed with her, I said that I hope something does show up and then something can be done.
She did mention that there is a chance that no cause will be found. So I told her that I can't carry on my life with this problem. It is true, if nothing can help me, there is no point me being here.
The GP did not even mention going to see a psychologist because she knows it does not help me. She knows that no amount of anxiety meds or anti-depressants will help me. I have tried it all before. I mentioned to her about my sensitive skin and something so simple as water can make my face slightly burn and has taken that into consideration also.
Lets all hope that something does show in my blood tests!!!!!
Anyways, I went to see my GP today. I explained to her that the problem is still there and is really affecting me pretty badly. She has ordered for me to go and have some blood tests done. I will do that tomorrow and go back to see her next Friday. She has gone into thorough detail with the blood tests and ticked everything that could be a possibility and also some different bloods that I have not had done before for this problem. I am a bit annoyed about the week wait for the results but at least my GP has done something and is taking me seriously unlike the male GP last week. She also mentioned about referring me to some other clinics and seeing if they can help, but at the moment we are waiting for what the blood tests say. She even said that she hopes that something does show up in the blood tests because she knows how much it is affecting me. I agreed with her, I said that I hope something does show up and then something can be done.
She did mention that there is a chance that no cause will be found. So I told her that I can't carry on my life with this problem. It is true, if nothing can help me, there is no point me being here.
The GP did not even mention going to see a psychologist because she knows it does not help me. She knows that no amount of anxiety meds or anti-depressants will help me. I have tried it all before. I mentioned to her about my sensitive skin and something so simple as water can make my face slightly burn and has taken that into consideration also.
Lets all hope that something does show in my blood tests!!!!!
Nicholas
Well-known member
It's not just "blushing" like normal people do, but more like "erythrophobia". The fear of blushing makes you blush, it's a cycle, like a panic attack. It soon becomes an anxiety problem, and it gets out of control. When it's out of control you can blush while talking with anyone. A guy might blush while talking with a nun, a priest, a child, his neighbor, his daughter... is that still cute? That's why it generates so much anxiety, it's a phobia.
I really don't think they'll find anything wrong in your blood. I'm convinced it's neurological. I guess we should cure it and see it just like a panic attack.
I don't blush, but I get sweating attacks and I feel hot all of a sudden, as if I was blushing. The problem is that hyperhidrosis makes things complicated for me. Anyway, I'll try to understand more about this... Don't be depressed, take care.
Ihateit
Well-known member
Redphone:
You mentioned about the CBT etc, which I have already tried with no success. I would not reject another offer of going again if that is what my GP wanted, but she is aware of my experience with the mental health service and that it did not help me. That is not a bad word against the mental health service because they did and do try their best to help people. But sometimes it just doesn't help even when you take the sessions very seriously.
I did not mention to my GP about my self harm, I was scared that she would arrange for me to be taken somewhere and that my parents would find out. Sometimes I see my self harm as a minor issue because when I cut my arm, it's not deep cuts it is more like several scratches that bleed then turn into scabs.
I remember years ago I tried talking to my friend about my problems, she just kind of laughed it of saying you are you and thats what people like about you. How the hell can people like me for going red, and by being this shy person. My friends and family are not educated in things like this, they have no idea, I cannot blame them for that. I just wish they would realise that I am not well, that I am having a lot of problems. I can't tell them, I am not close to anyone enough now to tell them. If the worst comes to the worst I rather just be by myself and not take part in what there is of life. What would be the point.
I feel like I am days away from quitting my job. Just days.
You mentioned about the CBT etc, which I have already tried with no success. I would not reject another offer of going again if that is what my GP wanted, but she is aware of my experience with the mental health service and that it did not help me. That is not a bad word against the mental health service because they did and do try their best to help people. But sometimes it just doesn't help even when you take the sessions very seriously.
I did not mention to my GP about my self harm, I was scared that she would arrange for me to be taken somewhere and that my parents would find out. Sometimes I see my self harm as a minor issue because when I cut my arm, it's not deep cuts it is more like several scratches that bleed then turn into scabs.
I remember years ago I tried talking to my friend about my problems, she just kind of laughed it of saying you are you and thats what people like about you. How the hell can people like me for going red, and by being this shy person. My friends and family are not educated in things like this, they have no idea, I cannot blame them for that. I just wish they would realise that I am not well, that I am having a lot of problems. I can't tell them, I am not close to anyone enough now to tell them. If the worst comes to the worst I rather just be by myself and not take part in what there is of life. What would be the point.
I feel like I am days away from quitting my job. Just days.