I Can't Cope!

[Ihateit]

I am seriously ill at the moment. I know I am. But everytime I try and get medical help I have to wait weeks and weeks for something to happen. I know I have to be patient but in the mean time I am just not coping. I don't know what to do. I have work tomorrow (my 2nd week at this job) and am seriously thinking about not going in. The thing is my parents get really angry when I miss work so if I decide not to go in I am going to have to travel round London from 8.30am to 5pm, just so they think I have gone into work. In my old job when I never used to go in I would go cinema and sit by myself watching random films. It's normally peaceful and relaxing as there are only a few people in the screening room. But anyways I just don't know what to do about tomorrow, I have been stressing all weekend about it and making myself sick about it. I just feel like running away and never coming back, not that it would help me but thats what I feel like doing. I hate me, I hate myself, why can't I just be 'normal'. ::

 

[jayo]

Can it be this bad at only the start of the second week?
Could you go in and just go on a day by day basis?

 

[Ihateit]

It is terrible. I know I can do the work. It is easy work. But my anxiety and blushing is preventing me from doing so, I am too scared to pick up the phones and when it comes to the meetings (at least two a week) I just cannot handle it. I am too scared to go in tomorrow, even when I know I should go in. I don't think I can face it. I just don;t know how much more of this I can take.

The thing is going in tomorrow would make me even more nervous about the following days meeting. And that is how it would go each day is worrying about what the next day will bring.

 

[market.garden]

Would a part time job where you only have to work half-days or a few days a week be more suitable? Not really a solution to tomorrow I know.

I'd probably end up skipping it and going to the cinema or something, but you have to ask yourself if missing work, risking losing your job would just add more pressure and heap on the nerves.

 

[Ihateit]

I dunno about a part time job, my parents would not understand why I would not want to work full time. I know at the end of the day the decision is mine, but they will keep on and on about it.

Yeah, I really dont want to lose a job because I do need the money, but I just don't know what other options I have other than skipping days. Such a dilema.

 

[market.garden]

It could be one of those things where you just have to deal with it for a while.
I hated my job when I first started - meeting new people, having to interact with everyone, but my situation at the time meant that I couldn't really quit, much like yourself. I ended up sticking with it, 'suffering' for a while, but eventually got into a routine and 'settled' a bit.

I had to give presentations too, not huge ones or anything, but I had to give my own input into team meetings and reviews etc, and I found that after I had been at the job a while and was used to the role, I handled the meetings so much better. Maybe this is something that will become a little easier for you with time?

Quitting, or skipping and getting fired would probably make things worse in the long run.

 

[Ihateit]

I can see myself just about being able to deal with the days when there are no meetings, but the other days I just can't see myself being able to go in. I've even started applying for new jobs already. But the thing with that is that if I get another job it could be much worse than my current job.

Not having a job will make things even worse financially which is why I need to be employed but it is still such a hard thing to be in an environment where I blush so easily which leads to me being scared and anxious about everything.

 

[market.garden]

One way of looking at it is that they know you are still pretty new at the job, and loads of people blush during presentations/meetings etc, so thats one comfort you could take from it. What line of work are you in if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Ihateit]

I am just in Admin for now. I am really hoping that some day I can recover and get over what I am going through now to be able to train to be something and get a better job.

 

[mmmm]

My friend, I know excactly how you feel! It's the bloody firetruck blushing. Sometimes I feel like my eyes will burst from the pressure. Once, I even rubbed chilli-powder on my face so it stayed at a constant shade of fuschia (don't try it, ouch). I will be thinking of you this week. Go for it! let us know how it turns out.

 

[Ihateit]

Today was a total disaster. From the very first second I walked into work my face went red, I didn't even see or speak to anyone to trigger it of. Am dreading tomorrow, The Meeting, even though only two people will be present I am dreading it. Maybe a sick day is on the cards and a trip round London. God, I really hate myself.

 

[market.garden]

Don't beat yourself up over it.
It's probably not a great idea to miss a meeting, and at least there will only be two other people, rather than a whole load. Just take it easy and remember that you wont be in the meeting for too long, it'll all be over before you know it.

I've always found that if I "go for it" despite how bad it might feel, you feel a lot better afterwards because you know you did it and got through it. You wont be able to stop the blushing, but going in there and getting it over and done with is a small victory.

 

[Nicholas]

Today was a total disaster. From the very first second I walked into work my face went red, I didn't even see or speak to anyone to trigger it of. Am dreading tomorrow, The Meeting, even though only two people will be present I am dreading it. Maybe a sick day is on the cards and a trip round London. God, I really hate myself.

This damn blushing, heh. I am new and yet I see so many people here have that problem. I don't really blush, because I don't get red, or at least I don't think so and I have never worried about that... but I get these stupid heat waves on my face, you know, I feel so hot all of a sudden, and I start to sweat! That's how my hyperhidrosis becomes real HELL. If I am anxious (which I always am) I start to worry I will feel hot, and... I get hot. And I drip sweat. And I get even more anxious. And that basically ruined my life.
But I am going to find a solution, because I can't go on this way. I can't have a normal life at all, and not even a decent one this way, I guess.

 

[doesit]

im in the same crap boat us u guys :: some days are ok for me at work,but most of the time u could be happy and etc,and suddenly smth triggers the mind and i would go all fecking red,it would be ok if it was a heat wave,but for me when it starts it stays for few hours,and aswell i had to skip few days of work because when pressure builds up and u cant handle it anymore every minute at work turns into hell.You might try natural herb shops,because they sell loads of stuff from stress which might ease you a bit,and i found that few B vitamins help a bit with blushing aswell.

 

[mmmm]

Sorry it sucked for you.

i'm starting the B-vitamin diet as of right now. I really thought i'd heard of all the crazy-lady-at-the-side-of-the-road-miracle-cures.

 

[doesit]

Sorry it sucked for you.

i'm starting the B-vitamin diet as of right now. I really thought i'd heard of all the crazy-lady-at-the-side-of-the-road-miracle-cures.

My cure is doesnt matter how shit or bad the day was,i would feel good afterward and laugh from my self how silly i am because shyness or SA doesnt stop me from doing things,it only makes it harder to do.

 

[Ihateit]

My day today = Well I never went into work. Left my house this morning and got to the bus stop and then I just felt like not going in. I was so worried about the day that I just decided against going to work. So I went home and thought I would be able to stay there a few hours before anyone noticed I was home (everyone else was out). Well anyways I felt so pissed off about not going in so I hurt my arm on purpose, I hit it several time with a hair straightener. It is the arm what I called my bad arm as I broke it twice before so I thought if anything I would end the day with a broken wrist. I got distracted as my Dad came home, so I made up some excuse about forgetting something important that I needed for work. So I left the house and decided to go to the shopping centre so I could continue with my broken wrist quest. Anyways to cut a long story short, once I thought my arm was broken I went to the hospital, had an x-ray ect, only to be told it was not broken. I was sooooo annoyed, I sat in the toilets for over an hour crying.

I then realised I had a doctors appointment today, so I thought that if I speak to the doctor then he can sort out my problems there and then. I felt happier to think this was the case so then I just travelled around London for the rest of the day until my appointment. Well anyways, I just got home from my appointment and I am thinking about not going into work tomorrow, the Doctor did not say anything useful and said I must see the doctor who I normally see next week as she understands and knows my case. I was crying in the doctors room and just felt I was getting no where. I understand he doesn;t know me or my case but I just felt so annoyed about not getting anywhere today. My doctors appointment is not until next tuesday so I have no idea what I am to do from now until then, I can;t face going into work.

 

[Nicholas]

Sorry to hear that Ihateit ::
Unfortunately I can't help you, because I have the same problems, more or less (if I am not mistaking you for someone else), so I am still trying to find a solution. But please, don't try to hurt yourself. If I ever find a solution, and I swear to god one day I will, I will give it to everyone for free.

 

[mmmm]

^ thanks man! ditto

 

[Ihateit]

Same here, the day I find a solution I will shout it from the rooftops.

Anyways, my days have not got any better. I have been having these horrible thoughts in my mind that I know are wrong but I just can't help thinking them. Everytime I feel that people are staring at me and laughing, I cannot take it, I just want to do something so that it can all stop.