I Am Warped By Emotional Thinking Paranoia

I routinely assume people have selfish reasons for contesting me. I imagine that they want to beat me down, hurt me, and stomp my pride in order to build up their own ego. I feel that their goals are sinister at worst, and malevolent at best. This might be crazy, but no human being can be totaly righteous, and we all have our alterior motives. However, I think I may have a serious problem with this. I habitualy accuse others of having hostile intent towards me, even my own mother! I often spend a great deal of time fantasizing about the ways in which other people are out to get me. When it's revealed they don't have the intentions I imagined, I often feel intense guilt and shame.

I suppose this is an extreme form of emotional thinking, and is probably rooted in my neurologicaly-based Generalized Obsessive Disorder (aka, OCPD). [yes I made up the name, and yes it's justified]. Here are some of my typical automatic thoughts when another person confronts me. I realize now that these may be very disturbed or even schizophrenic:


1. They want to punish me for offending them.

2. They want to strip me of my power (truth is power to me), because making me weak (proving me wrong) makes them feel strong.

3. They are personaly threatened by my truthful statement and are too cowardly to face reality, hence they seek to destroy me.

4. They want to perpetrate some evil against the world or some group of people, and my revelation of the truth threatens their intentions. (Messiah complex?)

5. They are inferior to me in capabilities, character and morality.

6. They are callous, cruel, malevolent, or sinister.

7. They are dishonest, unrespectable, or reprehensible.

8. They personaly dislike me or hate me.

9. They want me to experience devestating shame and guilt along with possible suicidal thoughts.
 
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Silvox Black

Well-known member
Well such thoughts could have been brought about by an upbringing where you had to defend yourself constantly and there were no friends you could confide in. Such extreme thoughts could also be a part of a view of the world and humans in general such as humans are for the most part, more evil than good. I would say you seem to have such an issue, but it is not incurrable. With support from friends to assist you in rebuilding your confidence, self-esteem, and give you a secure living environment, you can think peacefully once more.
 

Danfalc

Banned
It might be worth printing this post our and taking it to your c.b.t lessons or psychiast,Im sure it would help.The more honest you can be and the more information you can give the better.Just an idea :)
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I would say something helpful, but i have a hard time beating these kind of thoughts too.. so i'm afraid i can't say much.

I can only tell you what i do when i get paranoid. When i'm around close friends and start thinking crap, i try to replace the thoughts with: "they are my friends, why would they do such thing?. If they disliked me so much they would not be with me on the first place, or they would be nasty all the time. And friends DON'T harm other friends."
When i'm around random people and find someone disagreeing, i think: "Everyone have different opinions. Ones might agree with me and others won't. Those who won't might want to tell me what they think, just as i do if i disagree with someone. As long as they don't insult, yell or shun me for everything i say, it will be okay".
When i get the thoughts that people hate me, i think: "What the hell did i do that might cause them to hate me? I didn't do anything bad to offend them, if they hate me for no reason then it's their problem, not mine. They are probably hateful towards everyone"

I hope this helps.
 
It might be worth printing this post our and taking it to your c.b.t lessons or psychiast,Im sure it would help.The more honest you can be and the more information you can give the better.Just an idea :)

Yea I will. Its gonna take some real work to get rid of this problem. Its been there my entire life.
 
Thanks silv, I think you are correct. The problem is neurological at its root, but my upbringing shaped it into classic OCPD/ GOD
 
I would say something helpful, but i have a hard time beating these kind of thoughts too.. so i'm afraid i can't say much.

Wow, maybe you have OCPD/GOD too? I know another girl here with the same disorder.


I can only tell you what i do when i get paranoid. When i'm around close friends and start thinking crap, i try to replace the thoughts with: "they are my friends, why would they do such thing?. If they disliked me so much they would not be with me on the first place, or they would be nasty all the time. And friends DON'T harm other friends."

Good idea. I can say that about my mom and maybe some people I know. I cant realy say that for other people I dont know well, however.

When i'm around random people and find someone disagreeing, i think: "Everyone have different opinions. Ones might agree with me and others won't. Those who won't might want to tell me what they think, just as i do if i disagree with someone. As long as they don't insult, yell or shun me for everything i say, it will be okay".

Okay. I often feel insulted for the reasons I mentioned above. I have to find an effective way of disconfirming those beliefs.

When i get the thoughts that people hate me, i think: "What the hell did i do that might cause them to hate me? I didn't do anything bad to offend them, if they hate me for no reason then it's their problem, not mine. They are probably hateful towards everyone"


I will try to see it that way, but I get paranoid and beleive my feelings, not rationality. I think a more CBT approach is neccessary.


I hope this helps.

Yes thank you!
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Wow, maybe you have OCPD/GOD too? I know another girl here with the same disorder.

I dont know, to be truthful. I never got diagnosed, so I can only suppose :p I only know i am like this for a long long time. I'm completely sure about SA/AvPD and maybe OCD... But i'm not sure about other things. There's other issues that are driving me crazy too, but they are not anxiety related, i think.


And You're welcome! I'm glad i could help :D
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Phobo, I'm worried about you, go get re-assessed, seek a second opinion maybe, from a consultant phsyciatrist.

What you are describing goes beyond the scope and help from these boards

Hellhound, never self diagnose, shrinks always warn about this, go see a proffessional mate
 
Wow... that article reminded me of the people at my school and a few relatives XD They were like that, seriously.

But nope, i'm nothing of that. My thoughts are different and related to me being inadequate. I can't explain it here because it would take too long, and some of my thoughts are really crazy... >>; (could tell you through PM someday though)

Please do. DO you think your fear of being inadequate is Atelophobia - a generalized fear that you are defective and substandard?
 
Phobo, I'm worried about you, go get re-assessed, seek a second opinion maybe, from a consultant phsyciatrist.

What you are describing goes beyond the scope and help from these boards

Hellhound, never self diagnose, shrinks always warn about this, go see a proffessional mate

Hey Remus,

I have been so concerned with my GSAD and GAD that I didn't worry about related neuro-cognitive problems. Now I am getting around to them since im improving the anxiety disorders. What's wrong with self-diagnosis? My psychologist has agreed with all of my self-diagnoses, and he officialy diagnosed me with SA based on my designation. I realy don't see the harm in it.

Its pretty clear what's going on with me and it's far from untreatable. I am highly obsessive and anxious (neurological condition). I have a generalized obsessive nature, a few OCD spectrum disorders, and a few OCD rituals. These are neurological problems. Now, as a result of that and my upbringing I have developed very powerful distortions (which is easy when you are obsessive) and a number of destructive distorted and globalized beliefs. I have identified 5 relating to women and I think it was 8 relating to interpersonal conflict. I have others relating to different situations. These are not personality elements so I resent that designation by the DSM. Personality elements don't change so there's no sense in worrying anyway Remus. Now the issue is to resolve these beliefs through CBT. Watch and see...
 

Richey

Well-known member
well to a certain extent what you have described actually does happen to me. its like yesterday at school the overly sarcastic member of our group would use subtle put downs towards me because it took me a while to solve a problem for the project. his skill level is really good and im learning in certain areas. so he starts saying how did you get this far in the course without knowing that? which to a degree i can understand his frustration. but its really negative to act that way. he could have tried to help in a positive way instead of being nasty. same goes for my dad. he has a big ego and is very arrogant and has no issue with bringing me down to size to prove a point.

personally i think its because im quieter in certain situations and easy to step on. too nice and calm. i dont always show alot of emotion around people. so big egos tend to use me as bait to show off.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Please do. DO you think your fear of being inadequate is Atelophobia - a generalized fear that you are defective and substandard?

It's more a fear of any possible negative outcome for being inferior or defective... Like, i always have the feeling i will bore or annoy people, or i'm too stupid and insane and they will think bad of me, or they will reject me because i'm boring/annoying.. or i will screw everything up somehow. Always my fault because i'm a failure at everything... With my close friends, this feeling gets worse for some reason. I'm always afraid or expecting any bad reaction/s because of something i did/said or the way i said it... They might tell me a million times that everything is alright (they know i am like this), but i can't get to relax... After a while, any tiny single reaction, or anything i said, even if nothing bad really happened, will cause me to be afraid again. I am extremely careful with the way i talk, because i don't want to screw everything up with my failures... These are my thoughts, more or less.

Other kind of fears involve people looking at me... or when they talk to each other.. I always fear they might be planning something or trash talking, or they have malicious intentions. In resume, i think everyone is out to get me. Similar to your thoughts here, but excluding them being inferior or me being important in any aspect (nº 2, 3 and 4).
The ONLY moment i feel maybe a little more "important" is around my relatives, I hate them at the point they have become inferior... That's the only moment that those nº 2, 3 and 4 might apply... Although, i have days where i feel completely worthless and wonder if they truly are better than me.

Sorry for the wall of text that probably makes no sense.. it's just a bit difficult to put into words, because my mind and thoughts are a horrible mess. Sometimes not even i know why i get like this or what the reason is :(
 
Yes it sounds like you may have OCPD or some other underlying condition which is responsible for these sorts of semi-paranoid thoughts. I think we have basicaly the same problem, and that it's not particularly related to Social Phobia.
 
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