I Am So DONE!

[OCDfreak]

Hey all!
This is my first time on here so help me out! Ever since sometime last year I have (btw I am 13) been obsessing over whether I am gay or not and ot has been going on and off for quite sometime! There was a time last year where I thought I might have been bi-sexual but looked at it and said no. I just knew it wasn't me! I am not new to puberty ( help) but this whole thing has brought me down! Deep down inside I known personally I am a straight male. I want to have a wife and kids. Nothing more nothing less! My report cars grades are due next Friday and I don't want them to be shown to my parents 2 F's 1 D and 4 C's! I used to be a Principals list student. Whenever I am talking to one of my friends I could just be sitting there and then I want to get up and scream! I can't focus in school! My dad says it is puberty and I say it is HOCD and so does my mom! There is absolutely no way I am gay or bi. I have constantly been checking my self about getting erections, researching over and over again the same things! I don't know what to do anymore! My mom is going to take me to see someone if this doesn't stop. Please help guys, I am putting all my faith in you. P.S.- Sure I will admire a guy for his nice looks and the way he treats girls but I don't want him to **** me or me **** him. It's gross.

 

[Beatrice]

Wait, what exactly are you worried about? Are you finding yourself getting aroused by other guys? Sorry to be blunt, I just didn't know how else to put it.

 

[OCDfreak]

No as I said before I will appreciate a guy for good looks but I would never want to do anything sexual with him

 

[lunarla]

I really don't think it's all that uncommon around that age. Or at least, I'm led to believe it's not seeing as I know someone who went through somewhat of the same thing at your age. Basically, feeling compelled to carry out a certain mundane task, and if he didn't, he was gay. Which, trust me, he certainly is very heterosexual.

In your continuing life your OCD might try and grab onto other thoughts and make them obsessions. It could be anything. And it's pretty difficult to counter it even when you know you're being irrational. So I think some counseling would definitely be of benefit if it's already plaguing you so much.

 

[Beatrice]

No as I said before I will appreciate a guy for good looks but I would never want to do anything sexual with him

Oh, well, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about! Are you simply paranoid that you may be gay? I knew someone who said he acknowledged that other guys were attractive. But he wasn't gay. (he even did colorguard and was more emotional in certain situations, but I guess he was just a more sensitive straight male. I know he wasn't lying, because... well, trust me, I know, lol. Won't go into detail on that one He could be bisexual, but I doubt that too.)

Anyway, yeah. I don't think you have anything to worry about

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

You're at an age where this isnt uncommon. Frankly, appreciating another dudes looks is healthy imo. Women can do that with other women and not be gay, but guys get a homophobic slant to such things. Its culture and stuff and its stupid to add this confusion and pressure to guys (not saying doesnt happen with women either). But doesnt make you bi or gay. =) I think you'll KNOW if you were, esp in these years.

The OCD thoughts added to this can make this frustrating Im sure. Counseling as luna suggested may help.

 

[Beatrice]

You're at an age where this isnt uncommon. Frankly, appreciating another dudes looks is healthy imo. Women can do that with other women and not be gay, but guys get a homophobic slant to such things. Its culture and stuff and its stupid to add this confusion and pressure to guys (not saying doesnt happen with women either). But doesnt make you bi or gay. =) I think you'll KNOW if you were, esp in these years.

The OCD thoughts added to this can make this frustrating Im sure. Counseling as luna suggested may help.

Yeah, Deus, I agree. I often find many women attractive and I'll even say things such as, "Wow, she's hot!" and look at her lol. But I'm certainly NOT gay or bi. Of course, it's different for guys. Obviously if a guy looked at another guy up and down and said, "Wow, he's hot" there might be cause for concern, lol. Women can do that and get away with it, I guess. It's just different. But I used to get paranoid that other girls would think I was gay. Then I realized, who cares? *I* know I'm not, so.... yeah. When I see a hot woman, yeah, I stare at her and think, whoa, she's hot. And then move on. lol call me weird, but hey, I love beauty.

 

[lunarla]

Yeah, Deus, I agree. I often find many women attractive and I'll even say things such as, "Wow, she's hot!" and look at her lol. But I'm certainly NOT gay or bi. Of course, it's different for guys. Obviously if a guy looked at another guy up and down and said, "Wow, he's hot" there might be cause for concern, lol. Women can do that and get away with it, I guess. It's just different. But I used to get paranoid that other girls would think I was gay. Then I realized, who cares? *I* know I'm not, so.... yeah. When I see a hot woman, yeah, I stare at her and think, whoa, she's hot. And then move on. lol call me weird, but hey, I love beauty.

Hahaha, I'd definitely have to agree. I do the same sorts of things. The other day, I kinda did one of those head turns at a girl in the hallway mostly because I was checking out the dress she was wearing. Of course no one else around knew that, and I'm she they thought I was checking herrrr out. But ah well. And something that I've had to try and tone down on is checking out girls' butts.... completely platonic though, I just can appreciate a good butt. None of that helps that I've had some light lesbian jokes directed at me for a while, ha. But, alas (and unfortunately at times) I know that I'm pretty freakin' hetero. Sorry for going somewhat off topic there.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Yeah, Deus, I agree. I often find many women attractive and I'll even say things such as, "Wow, she's hot!" and look at her lol. But I'm certainly NOT gay or bi. Of course, it's different for guys. Obviously if a guy looked at another guy up and down and said, "Wow, he's hot" there might be cause for concern, lol. Women can do that and get away with it, I guess. It's just different. But I used to get paranoid that other girls would think I was gay. Then I realized, who cares? *I* know I'm not, so.... yeah. When I see a hot woman, yeah, I stare at her and think, whoa, she's hot. And then move on. lol call me weird, but hey, I love beauty.

Its different also because of society/culture really for guys. AND yeah, guys themselves and girls the way they think, act definitely. I mean... I dont check guys up and down lol and say a guys hot... I can acknowledge and see it though but my eyes are focused on one sex, and that's women and one sex is enough lol. That's the other thing for guys that's different than women in this case. One-tracked mind. lol.

But yeah... acknowledging how you can see why a dude is good looking doesnt make one gay at all. Or bi.

 

[AGR]

I think a lot of people get confused at some time in their lifes,I think you will sort yourself out in the years to come,by the way nothing wrong with being gay,not implying that you are,but there isnt anything wrong,but be careful to who you talk this with,they could use it against you,spread rumors and etc.

 

[panicsurvivor]

I don't know.....if you are obsessing about being gay, then you probably are. It sounds to me like you are and really don't want to be. If that is true, you will really be better off in the long run just accepting it. There is nothing wrong with being gay. So many people think that it is wrong because they are constantly taught that it is. I hope that you are not because you seem to have such a problem with it. But if you are, denying it will just end up hurting you. Either way good luck.

 

[GloomySunday]

Being gay is not, and should not, be seen as a problem. It's simply a preference for your own gender. It doesn't make you any less of a person. If that's what makes someone happy, then that's good, isn't it? I'm more concerned with a person's character than whether they are gay, bi or straight. It's about what's in your heart.

The only reason it could ever become an issue is because of other people's narrow minded opinions. People from religious backgrounds are brought up - wrongly, I think - to believe that being gay is a sin. Calling it sinful implies that being gay is a choice that someone makes (i.e. you 'choose' to be sinful). You are either gay or you're not.

It is probably more difficult being the age that you are because your peers do not yet have sufficient life experience to discuss these matters with the tact and sensitivity that you need. Forums such as this, and others like it, are probably the way to go. However, do be careful and keep all discussions open as the Internet can be a dangerous place for people who are young, vulnerable and confused.

See what other people on here say, think and feel and maybe that will help.

 

[Beatrice]

Hahaha, I'd definitely have to agree. I do the same sorts of things. The other day, I kinda did one of those head turns at a girl in the hallway mostly because I was checking out the dress she was wearing. Of course no one else around knew that, and I'm she they thought I was checking herrrr out. But ah well. And something that I've had to try and tone down on is checking out girls' butts.... completely platonic though, I just can appreciate a good butt. None of that helps that I've had some light lesbian jokes directed at me for a while, ha. But, alas (and unfortunately at times) I know that I'm pretty freakin' hetero. Sorry for going somewhat off topic there.

Haha, good to know I'm not the only "gay-but-completely-straight" girl! I have looked at other girls' butts, too, haha. One time, I was in an elevator and there was this SMOKING HOT girl in there. A little on the short side, like me, but wearing heels so probably about 5'4" at the time and blonde and just gorgeous. I could tell everyone was looking at her and I was, too, because when there's someone super attractive, how can you NOT look? lol. Funny, I wasn't all that jealous, just mesmerized. Hmm, anyway, I'm done rambling now.

 

[Kiwong]

Sexuality occurs across a spectrum of attraction for both sexes. Over a liftetime many people will be attracted to those of the same sex, whilst having predominantly an attracion to the opposite sex. It doesn't mean they are gay. The problem is the adolescent concern with peer group pressure- is that you will labelled by homosexual, and the homophobic bullying that can happen as a result.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

I've been through this before, so your not alone. I think it has a lot to do with our culture and gender roles which are essentially forced on us. For example, I don't know if you watch Jon Stewart's show, but there was a bit recently about a magazine ad or something like that where the mom in it had painted her young son's toenails hot pink. The media, including networks other than just Fox, accused it of being gay propaganda and her of being a bad mother because she's of course condemning her son to yeeaaars of psychotherapy. I for one think this is ridiculous.

What I experienced was very similar to what you've described. I'm 20 now, and this happened to me at about your age and again a few months ago. I could tell a good looking guy when I saw one, but when I actually thought about making out with a dude I was just turned off immediately. I don't have problems with others doing it, but it wasn't for me.

But at some point I was able to change the way I thought about the situation. I'm having trouble thinking how I want to word this, so I'll just spit it out. In America at least there is still a lot of prejudice, perhaps most openly against gay people at the moment. Consider yourself having seen past the bull***t. You've experienced, at least on some level, the same thoughts of not being accepted on the basis of who you are at a fundamental level that many gay people surely have and actually go through when they come out. Be confident that if people ever make fun of you, or anyone else, for being gay, whether its true or not, they are almost surely ignorant if not truly hateful. If this is the case, and they refuse to change, they don't deserve to be your friends anyways. They will be in the wrong.

As for gender roles, they are strong and can be conveyed in very subtle and very direct ways. Its natural to feel different if you don't conform exactly, especially at your age, where fitting in is often the number one social priority. It was for me anyways.

The OCD thing could have something to do with it, but I wouldn't really know. I've always been curious if I have mild-moderate OCD, but I've never had it checked out, so I couldn't give a suggestion in that area.

I hope this made sense and helps, I can never really tell if I missed something until its pointed out. Good luck, it can be very difficult not being sure if you are who you thought you were.

 

[Hastings & Main]

OP, I went through the same thing at your age, it's part of getting older.

Some come out of it straight, some gay, some bi, and a large portion can be all over the place, ie. 90% attracted to women, but sometimes attracted to guys who fit a certain type, and vice versa.
Confusing, but really, the only person who needs to be happy is you, not those around you who want you to be gay. Or straight. Or whatever.

And just when you think puberty is over, it's not . You'll get through this.

 

[Hottie]

I have HOCD and its very distressing...

you know what your into but the ocd aspect makes you think..."could i be", and then we get hung up on it. We become anxious when certain topic come up in conversation and its really fustrating.

I was talking to another person bout this on a different thread, its called 'HOCD or denial' and someone posted a good video in it...search it...

But the intrusive thought causes us anxiety and discomfort. Where as if you (and i) were gay then wouldnt we be happy about it? So because i am not liking these thoughts it is clarification i am straight. Well i think so...but thats what it does...it make you think differently.

The thoughts, its like there playing tricks on you and you have to ask yourself questions...even tho i know deep down what im into, the thoughts are obsessive and annoying but difficult to stop

 

[Hottie]

I don't know.....if you are obsessing about being gay, then you probably are. It sounds to me like you are and really don't want to be. If that is true, you will really be better off in the long run just accepting it. There is nothing wrong with being gay. So many people think that it is wrong because they are constantly taught that it is. I hope that you are not because you seem to have such a problem with it. But if you are, denying it will just end up hurting you. Either way good luck.

I dont know if thats the case, but point taken on board. But even trying to say to yourself "okay im gay", it just doesnt match with how we feel.

 

[darkrider]

I can't comment tbh cause I never really questioned my sexuality. The thought of being attracted to the same sex never even ran across my mind and no offense to gay people, but I hope it doesn't.

 

[Hottie]

I can't comment tbh cause I never really questioned my sexuality. The thought of being attracted to the same sex never even ran across my mind and no offense to gay people, but I hope it doesn't.

What you said there at the end, "no offense to gay people, but I hope it doesn't", this is how people with HOCD feel. We dont want these thought as we are straight but we get them, resulting in anxiety from unwanted intrusive thoughts.

HOCD is a fear of being gay - basically suming it down

We do not fear gay people and we have nothing against that at all, its just we arnt gay but the fear makes obsess about it, hense it being HOCD.