I am new, here is my story

[NVN]

I am a 25 year old male, soon to be 26 years old. I have lived with severe depression, anxiety etc for my entire life. I do not remember being "normal" but I do know that around the age of 10 I began to develop my persona that I live with to this day.

I wish I could be happy. I wish I could participate in daily life like a normal person. I try my best.

I have never had a relationship, never had a girlfriend etc. I have not had a "friend" since high school. My life consists of going to work, coming home and repeating the process. My job deals with the public. It is menial work in a hospital. I am a janitor.

Social anxiety has effected me so much that I was / am afraid to pursue more education.

My biggest regret is not being able to date. I just... can't. I do not have any social skills. Sometimes I do try, but I never really get anywhere. Women generally ignore me no matter how I act. I am not the best looking person, but I am not ugly either.

Where I work it is probably 90 percent women, yet nobody can even remember my name. I guess I am just invisible.

I don't know why I am here, I guess to vent.

 

[Phoenixx]

Welcome to SPW It's okay to vent, just let it all out. Sorry to hear about your depression. Hopefully you can find some answers and good advice on this site that will help you.

 

[Bustn Justin]

Welcome to the forum. Hope this site helps you out.

 

[NVN]

I find this time of year to be very hard to deal with (as do a lot of people) I worked through Christmas, New Years etc. No family, no friends to spend time with. Soon is the dreaded Valentines Day... and then right after that is my birthday.

It is so much of a social time of year for me that I find it very hard to deal with.

What does everyone here do to cheer themselves up when they are feeling alone?

 

[Phoenixx]

Good question. I've been feeling quite alone lately and it seems like everything I do just doesn't help anymore. :/ What I normally would do is listen to music, talk to some people on here, read, watch tv, etc. Of course after doing those things a while, I get bored and feel stuck in a rut. So usually I'll try and find a new hobby or try and teach myself something.

 

[scoobycrawler]

I am fairly new to this been doing it for a few months now and I think it's great. Before people had been trying to get me into groups to talk about things but this forum is the bomb cause we can share its wonderful to get things out that maybe you wouldn't be able to tell others around and stuff so its helping me alot and am greatful for this. I am impressed that you have a job honestly. I am exactly your age and I don't have a job and live at my mom's rent house and so I am lucky right now but I am so poor and don't have money to do much because I don't work and am on welfare. Seriously I think its impressive that you work and do anything at all...

 

[Shin273]

I find this time of year to be very hard to deal with (as do a lot of people) I worked through Christmas, New Years etc. No family, no friends to spend time with. Soon is the dreaded Valentines Day... and then right after that is my birthday.

It is so much of a social time of year for me that I find it very hard to deal with.

What does everyone here do to cheer themselves up when they are feeling alone?

To cheer myself up I like to go and work out. It just makes me feel a lot better about myself because I feel that even if I am making slow progress with SA mentally, I can sharpen myself physically to make myself stronger (and more attractive too). Also, the endorphins make some of the bad feelings go away too. Try finding a hobby that does that for you, it'll help you in many ways.

 

[jus]

To cheer myself up I like to go and work out. It just makes me feel a lot better about myself because I feel that even if I am making slow progress with SA mentally, I can sharpen myself physically to make myself stronger (and more attractive too). Also, the endorphins make some of the bad feelings go away too. Try finding a hobby that does that for you, it'll help you in many ways.

completly agree. Increases confidence quite alot.

 

[Ignace]

Welcome here.

 

[UnOccupied]

Welcome NVM. It sounds like you are pretty similar to most here, and we are here to help! Negative self image can be a killer, i know first hand!

I had a terrible day yesterday, but i REFUSE to let it ruin the rest of my life. Even though it feels as though my whole life is a sham and like i am still a weirdo and socially anxious failure just from ONE BAD night! This happens to everyone i guess, its just us socially anxious people magnify and internalize things so much more than regular folk.

 

[NVN]

Hobbies keep me busy and I do get some enjoyment from them, but they can only do so much.

I wish I could have a relationship, but honestly part of me really likes being alone. Plus, I don't think anyone would want to have a relationship with someone that likes doing nothing and has zero friends / no ambition etc. Hah!

 

[Pookah]

Hobbies keep me busy and I do get some enjoyment from them, but they can only do so much.

I wish I could have a relationship, but honestly part of me really likes being alone. Plus, I don't think anyone would want to have a relationship with someone that likes doing nothing and has zero friends / no ambition etc. Hah!

I can relate. There is the human need for interpersonal relationships but I have become set in my ways and I don't know if I could accommodate another person.

You would have to find someone who was more of a homebody with similar interests. Someone who will agree to doses of personal space/time.

 

[Waybuloo]

Hey it's uncanny how similar our situations are. I am of the same age, and my anxiety and depression has been long standing, and I don't remember ever being 'normal', but normality was more or less maintained until i was uprooted at age 10 and everything got worse.

Anyway just want to say hello, and obviously you are not alone here, and have things more in common wiht people than you mihgt realise, such as with me lol.

All sorts of men have partners, from toilet cleaners to lawyers, it all depends on whether you are going after the right woman, with the appropriate attitude, and the right woman also finds you attractive, so a lot of it comes down to luck (to get the perfect, or near perfect woman), the rest is a numbers game. Not all guys are great, in fact most guys have many flaws (to me anyways), and for any given one if he asks enough girls out, he's bound to have at least one date, you get the idea.

You say nobody wants someone with zero friends and ambition, well there certainly is truth in that. Can you achieve anything just complaining? No. There is relief and comfort in complaining, but you have to face up to the situation and the fact that you need to change and improve your life if you want a relationship. Of course it's not impossible the rate you are going, but the chances are probably small. Also there is nothing wrong with wanting personal space, most people do.

 

[NVN]

I often wonder how my future will be. I look around me, and people my age are starting families, getting out of college and building good careers. I feel like I do not belong... in more ways than one.

I have so many more problems other than social anxiety. Even if I could conquer that, I would still be in rough shape. Mental illness runs in my family.

I do not know what my future will hold, but I do know that my mental state will continue to deteriorate. Lately the only comfort I get is thoughts of suicide. Coming to terms with your own demise has a calming effect oddly enough. To use an analogy... imagine you are having a horrible day at work. If you are having a terrible day at work, you know that when the clock strikes "X" time, it is home time and you are free. Free from your private hell. It is something to look forward to.

If I didn't have any family I would have killed myself a good 10 years ago. For sure by now anyways.

My hell is deep.

Anyone wanna go on a date with this charmer of a guy?

 

[Pookah]

Kind of sounds like me. Guys don't want to date a Debbie Downer.

I have pondered death before as a way to "clock out early" as you say, to escape the torture of living....but I'm scared of the unknown and wish to push it back for as long as I can. I am hoping (maybe in vain) that something nice might happen in the meantime to make it worthwhile.

Hopefully you can find more of a reason to keep on going than the ones you cling to currently. I hate that people have to suffer who don't deserve it.

Have you seen a psychiatrist or anyone who might offer some relief?

 

[NVN]

No I have not.

 

[NVN]

I don't think this is the right place for me. Thanks.

 

[R3K]

well i don't know if you just up and left the forum for good, but i'll post a little thing anyway since i read through this whole thing already...

I've had SA or something like it my whole life and haven't felt "normal" since the very first moment I was aware at age 3 and a half. I've tried every sort of mental trick, hobby, distraction etc. to deal with it. Lately I've been using a trusted tactic that works pretty well for me. I just lower my standards of success to subterranian depths, then try to act normal and kind when I'm at the grocery store and say 'hi how are you' to the cashier without my voice breaking. It's pitiful, and I fail horribly most of the time, but when I can get through a simple social exchange like that it makes me feel like I've conquered a huge mountain. And with my lowered standards, I basically have .