I am in a very bad way mentally.

[Meggy0001]

I met a guy on facebook haha and we met and yeah
I was so quite hardly spoke and was so robotic when he touched me or anything BUT he stayed and got to know me, which hardly anyone does
its now been 5 months and he knows me and I CANT LET HIM GO
I have to though, his been cheating on me since the very beginning and still is :crying:
And everyone has told me I should live but the thought of meeting another guy and going through another 5 months before I can be myself terrifies me and I cant. These 5 months have to be worth something!

I am not happy with him I have lost all confidence in myself. All them other girls are way more prettier without all the baggage of my mental issues.
He has helped me so much and he says he loves me but I feel like he says what I want to hear. I am starting to think he doesn't have a heart.
Other girls come and go and that but still. He even said this to me that 'I must be doing something right because I am the last one standing' I was hurt by this.
His now walking all over me and then he has the nerve to tell me to grow some balls and be bit more tougher and not so nice??!?!
Oh and this was after I met one of his other 'girlfriends'
If one girl leaves he gets another. At one point there was 10 now I don't even know.
Anytime he adds a girl on facebook I go through bad anxiety really bad where I look through photos and I am obsessed I am in such a bad way mentally.
I know all this cause I have seen the facebook messages.
Messages like 'why you not in my life', 'I have to meet you' or ' last night was fun (sexual stuff) which all break me down bit by bit :/
Yesterday I left in the middle of the night crying when he turned my laptop away and was on it for hours and ignored me when he was at my place. It took him a whole hour to notice I had left. I was so upset when I got back and he shrugged it off an didn't care :crying::crying:

I cant see my own self worth. I feel like nothing. I cry everyday. Not just of him but its made me have so low self esteem. I had a little anyway now I have none. I feel like his taken all that I had and I shame on me for giving it. This guy I met who is his friend said I picked completely the wrong person to trust and open up to.

I got pregnant and got an abortion and he doesn't even know. No one does. I am depressed.

Its simple. Live him his not worth it but am scared of never having anyone again and as I get the worst anxiety of him meeting another girl. It's literally physical pain. When I say another girl I mean another me, I do believe I am the one his properly with.

I am in a bad way mentally. A very bad way.

 

[Meggy0001]

It all sounds pathetic and immature but I have a weird attachment with this guy that no one can understand not even me. Its not healthy. The fact that I know I have leave and am still around surprises me. I have known since February and when I get comfortable I cant walk away. There is a lot I left out as well that I wish to not share but this is not healthy in the slightest

 

[TreeBones]

As I was reading this I could literally feel my face get warm because I was so angry!
You have to leave this ****, whatever loneliness you'd have to suffer (for the time being) it's well worth it.
I've never had a boyfriend so cant speak from experience but I have 4 older brothers so I know a lot. My oldest brother was a narsasistic man-*****, Girls came and went, and then came back again after everything he did to them and I just thought it was sad.
Trust me this guy doesn't care about you or respect you, and probably doesnt even look at you as a human being but more of a sexial object.

 

[IGotSeoul]

The evidence is directly in front of you and the only person who can make the change is you.

If you're afraid of 'losing' this person in fear that you'll never find another person that cares about you; please realize that one: you will absolutely find other people who are interested in you, and two, this man does not care about you to begin with. you've nothing to lose by walking away and apparently everything to gain. by staying with this man you're torturing your self esteem as well as potentially missing out on opportunities that could lead you to genuine happiness.

 

[skins]

easy solution "f' him off...no excuse for cheating i.m.o, shows major character flaws of greed, selfishness, and egotism. No-one who cheats is worth hanging around with, he is playing on a vulnerable person for cheap thrills, simple as that, give yourself some self respect please.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I agree, Meg.

He ****ed up, he doesn't get to know you anymore. Stop communicating with him and start getting your mind back.

We're all here if you need to talk, a lot of us have had to do things like this, and regardless of what you think, you can too.

 

[Luckylife]

I'm replying to this not because particularly I can help but I don't like to hear of people being unhappy. I'm sure you are putting up with this because he is at least a boyfriend of sorts and not 'no boyfriend'. he doesn't seem to mean you much harm but if he really is sleeping around then you ought to split because of the chance of contracting an STD , they are not fun. Don't think that if he says "OK I'll stop" he will - he wont. It could also be that he does find you interesting but not in a vary good way, people who have social anxiety can be quite ingenious and worth hanging around with (I should know). That you had an abortion is very sad for both of you and I bet he would be shaken if you told him about this no matter how hard he thinks he is. But be positive about this, if you do tell him to get lost, the first thing you will do is look for another better boyfriend and that is a good thing. I know you feel messed up but you have to understand it is as if all your emotions toward him are exaggerated, if I were in a similar situation I would be equally clingy.

 

[jaim38]

I also agree with the others that you should ditch this guy ASAP! But, it's easier said than done because you mentioned having an unhealthy attachment to the guy which is hard to get rid of. I suggest seeking professional help from a women's shelter.

 

[Meggy0001]

Thanks guys. I am an university at the moment I am going home in 8 days hopefully it will fizzle off but he is saying he wants it to carry on, which makes no sense to me that he is clearly unhappy as his unfaithful when I am here, surely it will never work if I leave.

He always says he will change he never does.

 

[kilojoule]

Sadly I have met people like him before and they get off on this. These guys prey on vulnerability, they choose vulnerable partners and over time make their partners more and more dependant on them. These guys get away with whatever they want and rub their partners nose in it to make them more insecure and more vulnerable and more dependant which perpetuates the cycle and the partner becomes more and more dependant on them until eventually they have no self worth or self esteem and won't leave them no matter what they do. The ironic thing is that somebody who does this to their partner is the one who is massively insecure and has a whole load of issues. Its not acceptable to go around treating people like this.

These 5 months have to be worth something!

They are. Walking away will give you dignity, self respect, self esteem and confidence in your own strength.




My advice to you is to make a decision to walk away. Then do it. Walk away and don't think about what you've just done. Don't let yourself think about it, you don't want to get pulled back in. You can think about it when you're stronger. And you will be.

 

[Meggy0001]

Sadly I have met people like him before and they get off on this. These guys prey on vulnerability, they choose vulnerable partners and over time make their partners more and more dependant on them. These guys get away with whatever they want and rub their partners nose in it to make them more insecure and more vulnerable and more dependant which perpetuates the cycle and the partner becomes more and more dependant on them until eventually they have no self worth or self esteem and won't leave them no matter what they do. The ironic thing is that somebody who does this to their partner is the one who is massively insecure and has a whole load of issues. Its not acceptable to go around treating people like this..

I met one of his friends his words was the he prays on vulnerable girls, its what he does. I feel like I am at that stage I am dependant on him. :sad: this is so pathetic, I would never have put my self in this situation months ago I don't know what has happened to me. I was never reliant on people. Ever.

 

[kilojoule]

I met one of his friends his words was the he prays on vulnerable girls, its what he does. I feel like I am at that stage I am dependant on him. :sad: this is so pathetic, I would never have put my self in this situation months ago I don't know what has happened to me. I was never reliant on people. Ever.

You're not destined to be in a tragic situation. You can empower yourself. If you think it's bad after 5 months, imagine 10 years from now...get out of it nowyou can and you will be stronger for it. You must not tell yourself you're helpless, you are not, you need to just walk away and keep going and then when you're stronger and you will be you can look back at all this then. But for now don't think about it, just get out of there and put it out of your head so you don't get sucked back into it. You can do this.:thumbup:

 

[Meggy0001]

You're not destined to be in a tragic situation. You can empower yourself. If you think it's bad after 5 months, imagine 10 years from now...get out of it nowyou can and you will be stronger for it. You must not tell yourself you're helpless, you are not, you need to just walk away and keep going and then when you're stronger and you will be you can look back at all this then. But for now don't think about it, just get out of there and put it out of your head so you don't get sucked back into it. You can do this.:thumbup:

Yeah me living for 3 months will be healthy for me everyone has been saying that me living he wont even care to even stay in contact because I am nothing to him and that is so true and maybe that realisation that he doesn't care like actual proof because everything has been just intuition will help me move on

Hopefully from now on I meet good guys and not settle for any less because I have to believe I am worth more than this.

 

[kilojoule]

Yeah me living for 3 months will be healthy for me everyone has been saying that me living he wont even care to even stay in contact because I am nothing to him and that is so true and maybe that realisation that he doesn't care like actual proof because everything has been just intuition will help me move on

Hopefully from now on I meet good guys and not settle for any less because I have to believe I am worth more than this.

If you ever need to talk

 

[Boolean]

Think: Is love obssessive and controlling? Is love an attachment that is hurting you?

What is: Love is trusting, warm, protective and caring. Think.

You do not love him. You are just simply obsessed with the idea of him. Your mind has grasped onto it so dearly because of your imagined insecurities. Let go the tentacles of hurt that hold onto you so dearly and live off of your painful sooOoooul.

Let time heal.

You need: Self control, positivity, a friend, not a lover, just friends. Learn how to live with yourself, alone at first, but stable in mind. He is gone.

 

[Meggy0001]

Think: Is love obssessive and controlling? Is love an attachment that is hurting you?

What is: Love is trusting, warm, protective and caring. Think.

You do not love him. You are just simply obsessed with the idea of him. Your mind has grasped onto it so dearly because of your imagined insecurities. Let go the tentacles of hurt that hold onto you so dearly and live off of your painful sooOoooul.

Let time heal.

You need: Self control, positivity, a friend, not a lover, just friends. Learn how to live with yourself, alone at first, but stable in mind. He is gone.

You nailed that for me. I completely agree that I love the idea of him and it could be anyone and I would probably behave the same.

Sometimes I get this overwhelming jealousy of what girl will replace me, will she be prettier? funner? I get jealous really badly and that might be another reason of not letting him go... oh boy. Its definitely my insecurities.

 

[darrens]

I know people say learn to be on your own first and love yourself and stuff and thats all true,but maybe u should look online chat to some guys maybe when you realise there is plenty of fish in the sea you will come to your senses.I'm not saying go jump into another relationship but just take some steps to realise there is plenty of other options than this situation and might give you the strength in the short term to end it with scumbag.
There is loads of guys out there for you a lot better than this guy i guarantee it and it can be easier to break out of this than you think once you realise there is plenty better guys out there you will move on from this so quick,you are just in a negative mindset low on confidence at the moment and your confidence will continue to go down with this guy.
I just hope u find a way to end this super fast ,u will forget this guy in no time i promise u that .