how to cope with jealousy?
- Thread starter BC-chick
- Start date
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
I rationalize.
As an example-- in highschool, most of my friends had cars or drove their parent's 2nd car to school.
I had my licence; had actually taken out a loan to buy a new used car after my mom's was stolen- because she needed one to get to work and do shopping and I still couldn't drive it to school even if it was technically my car/my expense.
But--- not everyone has a car.
It might feel like it until you rationalize and look at the numbers.
Just because 'most' of the people I knew in highschool had a car doesn't mean that I'm the odd one out.
Only about 9% of the world's population owns a car.
That is TINY.
So, by not owning one, I'm actually part of the majority.
I don't absolutely need one, I can ask for rides and it's better to car pool anyways.
I rationalize the same way with most things, although I don't feel like I'm a very jealous person.
There've been many years in my life when we couldn't afford to eat-- but still had a roof over our heads and that is more than alot of people have.
It might take practise but I think that if you can sort out your wants/needs and rationalize them and really compare yourself to the rest of the world-- you'll see you don't really have anything to be jealous of.
Everyone is different.
Someone will always have or be more than you-- always.
It doesn't mean they have a happier life, though.
And being happy means stepping aside all of the things in life that make you feel jealous and being thankful and appreciative for what you have.
As an example-- in highschool, most of my friends had cars or drove their parent's 2nd car to school.
I had my licence; had actually taken out a loan to buy a new used car after my mom's was stolen- because she needed one to get to work and do shopping and I still couldn't drive it to school even if it was technically my car/my expense.
But--- not everyone has a car.
It might feel like it until you rationalize and look at the numbers.
Just because 'most' of the people I knew in highschool had a car doesn't mean that I'm the odd one out.
Only about 9% of the world's population owns a car.
That is TINY.
So, by not owning one, I'm actually part of the majority.
I don't absolutely need one, I can ask for rides and it's better to car pool anyways.
I rationalize the same way with most things, although I don't feel like I'm a very jealous person.
There've been many years in my life when we couldn't afford to eat-- but still had a roof over our heads and that is more than alot of people have.
It might take practise but I think that if you can sort out your wants/needs and rationalize them and really compare yourself to the rest of the world-- you'll see you don't really have anything to be jealous of.
Everyone is different.
Someone will always have or be more than you-- always.
It doesn't mean they have a happier life, though.
And being happy means stepping aside all of the things in life that make you feel jealous and being thankful and appreciative for what you have.
lilmutegirl
Well-known member
I agree with Weirdy about rationalization. That is probably a good way to cope. I try to do that when I feel jealous.
I tend to be jealous about qualities that other people have, as opposed to material things. For instance, I didn't have a car in high school either, but I was so anxious, I wouldn't have wanted one. I enjoyed getting rides with friends, but I was extremely jealous of people's confidence and relationships. I have found that my jealousy over people's (specific groups) relationships, has gotten somewhat worse, as I see that my former classmates still hang out and are very close, whereas I only really talk to two people, the closest of which lives 3 hours away.
I tend to be jealous about qualities that other people have, as opposed to material things. For instance, I didn't have a car in high school either, but I was so anxious, I wouldn't have wanted one. I enjoyed getting rides with friends, but I was extremely jealous of people's confidence and relationships. I have found that my jealousy over people's (specific groups) relationships, has gotten somewhat worse, as I see that my former classmates still hang out and are very close, whereas I only really talk to two people, the closest of which lives 3 hours away.
lilmutegirl
Well-known member
And, remember, there could be people who are jealous about something you have that they don't.
Richey
Well-known member
Agree completely with rationalising.
I think the hardest part of jealousy is when other people start comparing you (even right in front of you), you ever had that before? I've heard people gossip about me at a restaurant comparing me to the successes of other people my age who we knew. That is the worst part of it, I can deal with the actual occurences of jealousy myself, but cannot stand it when other people actualy verbalise comparisons between me and others. I never do that myself, meaning i never gossip and compare people because i have empathy, so i sort of start to lose respect points when i hear people gossiping.
Anyway, one thing to remember is that, if you are jealous of something then perhaps look at it as "it wasn't meant to be" and move on swiftly. Hard to do i know, but just say you have a crush and someone else comes onto the scene who are too good to be true, it is a sign to just full stop that entire world, perhaps offer to still be friends but lose that sense of having a crush and move on. Remember there are many other fish in ......well you know the rest.
jealousy of success of a skill is another issue. The only reason someone gets skilled at something is because they practice daily, they make loads of mistakes but they will improve like anybody. They are not geniuses, they just practice alot and they may have alot of other issues themselves that they hide well.
I think the hardest part of jealousy is when other people start comparing you (even right in front of you), you ever had that before? I've heard people gossip about me at a restaurant comparing me to the successes of other people my age who we knew. That is the worst part of it, I can deal with the actual occurences of jealousy myself, but cannot stand it when other people actualy verbalise comparisons between me and others. I never do that myself, meaning i never gossip and compare people because i have empathy, so i sort of start to lose respect points when i hear people gossiping.
Anyway, one thing to remember is that, if you are jealous of something then perhaps look at it as "it wasn't meant to be" and move on swiftly. Hard to do i know, but just say you have a crush and someone else comes onto the scene who are too good to be true, it is a sign to just full stop that entire world, perhaps offer to still be friends but lose that sense of having a crush and move on. Remember there are many other fish in ......well you know the rest.
jealousy of success of a skill is another issue. The only reason someone gets skilled at something is because they practice daily, they make loads of mistakes but they will improve like anybody. They are not geniuses, they just practice alot and they may have alot of other issues themselves that they hide well.
Last edited:
Don't make this a competition about who has something that you don't and therefore they are better than you. They're not. You're just as much of a person without a sister as somebody with even 4 sisters or more. Maybe some people wish they had a younger brother like you do. Cherish your family the way they are.